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Chapter 1-In the Beginning...

Do you remember the first time you truly fell in love? It is strange to ask such a stupid question, but I remember my first time. Somehow that love transcended time and space. Yet, here I am sitting here wondering how could I love someone who truly wasn't free. As much as I wanted it, it wasn't meant to be. You see, I fell in love with someone who was married. His heart did not belong to me. It belonged to someone else. I wanted him completely and freely. How could I not see the heartache that was about to befall me? You see, in the beginning, I could have made the decision to fight, but I didn't. It is a decision I regret to this day.





The year was 1997. Here I was, a young woman on the verge of absolute womanhood, in a new town and a new state. Yes, you could say I was out of my comfort zone. I was a Southern woman living in New England. I had always thought that when I moved away, I would move to either New Orleans or Atlanta. Somehow, I made my way to Burlington, Vermont.





Burlington is an artsy college town. It is not a terribly large city with skyscrapers or the like. It has a small town feel to it. Surrounded by picturesque views of the Green Mountains, Lake Champlain, and the Adirondack Mountains, it was definitely the New England town you read about in novels. Burlington has a mystique that is all its own, and I fell in love with it. I love walking down Church Street Marketplace and hearing the sights and sounds of the various bars and bistros. It was one of the places that endeared this magnificent town to me. Burlington was heaven to me. It is still is my heaven.





I was pursuing a degree in business at UVM or the University of Vermont. I had always wanted to see my name on some nameplate that said: Michelle Carter, CEO. I had a business savvy that was unmatched by anyone. It was my final year at UVM. Graduation was practically months away. I had worked odd jobs here and there to pay my expenses, but nothing that was significant. I finally got a job working at Michael's Bistro. It was a little quaint bistro on the Church Street Marketplace. When I started my first day, I was so excited. I walked to the back into the kitchen, and it was then when I saw him, my saving grace.


Shawn O'Brien was not your typical prep cook. Michael hired him because he had a way with a knife. I could certainly agree. I stood there watching him chop onions and was impressed. He just was savvy with a cutting board and a cutting knife. Shawn turned and looked at me, and I caught my breath. He had the most amazing brown eyes that look out from behind a pair of glasses that went well with his round face and smooth olive-toned skin. He stood there in his chef's coat that was covered with the creations of the day. I couldn't look away from him. His eyes caught me, but I was immediately brought back to reality by Michael.


"That's Shawn, the prep cook I told you about. He's pretty good for someone who has never gone to culinary school." Michael said as he walked up behind me.


"I see that. I was watching him chop the onions. That was a sight to see." I said as I was walking towards the office with Michael.


"Yeah, he's definitely talented. I have to give him that. I hope he does more with his life. I see so much potential there." Michael spoke with a bit of sadness.


"Is there something wrong?" I asked.


"He has a dark and morbid personality. Something you will see soon. He hangs out with some of the Goth kids that hang out here. He mainly just stays to himself. Definitely a loner. I just hope that he come out of it. He's a great guy." Michael said.


I sat there in the office with Michael getting ready for the night. Since I had been a waitress before, Michael said that I didn't need to be trained. I just needed to know the menu. I left the office with the menu and sat in the dining room. I studied the menu carefully making sure I wrote down the ingredients of each dish. Suddenly, a shadow came across the page. I looked up to find Shawn standing there.


"Do you mind if I sit down? I wanted to meet you." Shawn spoke softly.


"Um, yeah. I'm sorry for not introducing myself earlier. I was just fascinated by your culinary skills." I said nervously.


"It's OK. I love to cook. I never thought about making a living of it, but it pays the bills. I'm Shawn." Shawn said.


"I'm Michelle. It's nice to meet you, Shawn." I said as I shook his hand.


"Is that a southern accent I hear?" Shawn asked.


"Yes, it is. I'm from Alabama." I said.


"A southern belle. Well, a very beautiful southern belle." Shawn said with a smile.


"Why, thank you." I said, blushing.


"So what brings you to Vermont? I know it wasn't the weather." Shawn asked.


"I attend UVM. I'm a business major. I graduate in a few months." I answered.


"Wow! A smart and beautiful southern belle." Shawn said.


"Thank you." I said, blushing again.


"You are most welcome. I had to compliment you on your beauty. It's not everyday one sees such beauty that is pleasing to the eyes." Shawn said.


"I'm flattered, Shawn. Again, thank you." I said.


"Well, I won't take much more of your time. I have to finish the prep. May we continue our conversation later?" Shawn asked as he was getting up.


"I would like that." I said.


"OK. Till then, I bid you adieu."


I sat there remembering the conversation with Michael. He definitely had potential. I finished my study session and began prepping the restaurant for the evening. I must say that when I was done, we looked really good. The guests started arriving around 6. By 8pm, we were on a wait. We were busy for a Thursday night. After we closed, we cleaned the restaurant and got it ready for the next day. I promptly grabbed my things, said good night, and walked out. Shawn caught me just as I got to the door.


"Michelle, I was hoping to finish our conversation from earlier. Do you have time?" Shawn asked.


"Sure, I have some time. Would like to come back to my apartment? I make a mean cup of coffee." I said.


"Sure, why not? I love a cup of coffee." Shawn said.


In the beginning, we didn't know the bond that we would forge. Something that still remains a mystery. This was a time in our lives that we were still exploring, yet we connected. It started with a hello. Two people who started out as friends, laughing and loving life. We didn't know of the changes we were about to go through. It all happened all at once, but that's a story within itself. For now, this was our beginning.



Chapter 2- Love is Stronger Than Pride - 2009

Today is like any other day for me. With meetings and conference calls, it's a never a dull moment at Gregory, Harris, and Dow. As the only attorney specializing in constitutional law, I am a pretty busy woman. It wasn't till I received a phone call from someone from my past that turned my world upside down.

"Ms. Carter?" My secretary, Kimberly, spoke over the speaker.

"Yes, Kim?" I spoke back.

"There's a Michael Jameson on line one for you." Kimberly said.

My past had collided with my present. I haven't heard from Michael since he threw me my graduation party. Shawn wasn't there that night. He left Michael's Bistro after we had our falling out. Our feelings got in the way of working together. No one had heard from Shawn since the day he hung up his chef's jacket. He simply disappeared. I went on with my life, not thinking of what happened. Our time was special, and I wanted to remember him that way.

I looked at the phone wondering what Michael needed. Like I said, it had been 11 years. I left my life in Vermont in the past. I wanted to keep it that way, but my thoughts got the better of me. It must be important.

"Hi, Michael. I haven't heard from you in a long time. How's the bistro?" I asked.

"The bistro is doing well. I am sorry to call you at work, but I was wondering if you could come to Vermont." Michael spoke.

"Is everything OK, Michael?" I asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah, I'm retiring. I wanted you here to celebrate. You are apart of this family, and I just can't see having a celebration without you, Michelle." Michael said.

"Michael, I will be there. When is it?" I asked.

"In two weeks. I hope to have you here before then. I would love to see you. We have so much catching up to do." Michael said.

"Of course, I will be there. I'll call you when I arrive in Burlington." I said.

"Great. See you soon, Michelle." Michael spoke.

I hung up the phone excited for Michael. He wanted to retire early, and he achieved his dream. I called my travel agent and made arrangements to travel to Burlington. It had been 11 years since I left there. Now, I return back to my home away from home. What was I returning to? I looked out of my office window overlooking the Charles River. Suddenly, his face popped up in my mind. Shawn O'Brien. I wasn't hoping to see him, but I really wanted to. I wanted to know he was well. That he was OK. I didn't have the need to reach out to him. Yet, I was contemplating on finding him.

"Kimberly?" I said in the speakerphone.

"Yes, Miss. Carter?" Kimberly spoke back.

"I need you to get me some information on a Shawn O'Brien, and I need it by the end of the day." I said.

"Yes, Miss Carter." Kimberly said.

I sat at my desk looking at old photos from my days at Michael's. The pictures of me and Shawn together. Shawn had never involved himself with a woman of African-American decent. I never saw myself with a man like Shawn. He was a dark and morbid personality, yet he knew how to make me smile. I didn't understand who he was at the time. He didn't speak of death or talked about it. He may have been a goth, but he was different than any goth I met. I guess I was the only light in his life.

Suddenly there was a knock at my door. It was Kimberly, and she had the information I was looking for and then some.

"Miss Carter, I got that information you wanted." Kimberly said as she entered my office.

"What did you find out, Kimberly?" I asked.

"Well, he owns two restaurants in Burlington, Vermont. He lives in Williston. He is also married and has two kids." Kimberly said as she handed me the file folder.

"Thank you. That will be all." I said.

I opened the folder and saw Shawn's history in front of me. I looked at his email address and pondered the thought of sending him an email. I wondered if he would remember me. I mean it had been 11 years. I looked at our picture again. I began typing.

A few days went by after sending Shawn that email. I sat back in my chair wondering if he truly remembered me. My question was about to be answered.

"Miss Carter?" Kimberly spoke over the intercom.

"Yes, Kimberly?" I said.

"There's a Shawn O'Brien on line one." She said.

My heart skipped. I wasn't expecting a phone call.  I wasn't prepared to hear his voice. I wasn't prepared to talk to him. I decided to treat this as if he was a new client. That was the only way I was going to get through this.

"This is Michelle Carter, how can I help you?" I said speaking into the phone.

"Hi, Michelle. How are you?" Shawn spoke softly.

"Shawn? Shawn O'Brien? It's been ages! How are you?" I said with excitement.

"I am well. I see you are well." Shawn said.

"Yes, I am. I'm an attorney now. What about you?" I asked.

"I have been doing well. I own two restaurants. I'm married. I have two beautiful kids. Things are great." Shawn said.

"Good to hear. I am surprised you remembered me." I said.

"How could I forget you? It has just taken me by surprise to hear from you. What brought that about?" Shawn asked.

"I was just going through some old photos. I found the one of you and me. So I got curious."

"You decided to contact me because you got curious?" Shawn asked.

"I guess you can say that." I said.

"I see." Shawn said.

We talked about our days together. Memories that I feared to bring up. The one subject we avoided was our break up. I tried to stay upbeat and talk about the happier times. Shawn didn't sound like himself. He has a cheer in his voice. He still speaks with a softness in his voice, but I didn't hear the darkness. It was quite refreshing.

"Shawn, I'm coming to Burlington to see Michael. He's finally retiring." I said.

There was silence. I thought he hung up, but then he spoke.

"Yes, I know. He called me and asked me to be there. I told him that I would try." Shawn said.

"Well, if I don't see you, I hope that we keep in touch. I missed my friend." I said.

"I missed you, too. Michelle, I'm sorry. I should have never hurt you. One is pleased that we finally can talk." Shawn said.

It was then I realized that I never stopped loving Shawn. I knew I couldn't say the words. I knew I couldn't admit this realization. Shawn was a happily married man. I didn't want to get involved. What I didn't know that our feelings would get in the way. As much as I hate to admit it, Shawn became my life. In fact, he was always my life.



I won't pretend that I intend to stop living.
I won't pretend that I'm good at forgiving.
But I can't hate you although I have tried.
Ah....
I still really really love you...
Love is stronger than pride.

-Sade "Love is Stronger Than Pride"




Chapter 3 - No Ordinary Love - 1998


January is always my favorite month. Between New Year’s, bowl games, NFL playoffs, and my birthday, it’s quite a fun month for me. Heather, my best friend from Alabama, came up to spend a couple of weeks with me. She decided to throw me a huge masquerade birthday ball while she was here. I’m not big on parties, but you turn 22 only once. I relented to Heather and let her plan the bash for the ages.


I walked into the bistro beaming about my birthday bash the next day. Michael gave me the day off to get ready. Tonight was just like any other night for me. Shawn was feverishly working in the kitchen as usual when he looked up and saw me as I was making my way to the office.

“Michelle, do you have a minute?” Shawn asked.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I said.

“Your party tomorrow night is starting to look like a big deal. Are you excited?” Shawn asked.

“Yeah, I am. I hope you come.” I said excitedly.

“I will try. I can’t make any promises.” Shawn said.

“Well, I do hope to see you.” I said walking away.

After a fairly busy Friday night at the bistro, I made my way home. I thought of Shawn. Our friendship had grown deeper. I truly had hoped to see him. I had envisioned him as some dark, mysterious stranger that I danced the night away with. I got ready for bed and settled down for the night. My last thought was of Shawn kissing me as the confetti came down.

I woke up to Heather jumping in my bed screaming her birthday wishes and a cupcake. My big day was here, but my mind wasn’t on that. It was on Shawn. Heather noticed the distraction.

“Ok, Chelle. Spill it. Who is he?” Heather said.

“It’s no one. Just looking forward to tonight. There’s so much to do.” I said as I got up.

“Come on, Chelle. I know you. Is it that guy that works in the kitchen at the bistro?” She asked curiously.

“I’ll never tell.” I said laughingly.

“You’re impossible!” Heather said.

Heather and I got dressed and waited for the limo to pick us up. We were having the ball at the Sheraton, and we secured a couple of rooms there to get ready. We arrived at the Sheraton, and I received the royal treatment. My team of hair dressers and make-up artists began to work on me. It was an all day affair. The ball starts 8pm, and people were arriving early. I was to make a grand entrance into the ball, and there many who didn’t want to miss it. As it was getting closer to the time for the ball to start, I felt nervous and excited. This was like having a Sweet 16 party, and I was the guest of honor.

I made my grand entrance. Everybody giving me birthday wishes and hugs. I knew that I would be leaving my friends soon, but I was excited to celebrate with them this night. The music was pumping. The cake was delicious. The presents were fabulous. I was having a ball. Suddenly the lights dimmed, and my guests parted. I turned to see who it was. He didn’t wear a tux or tails. He looked like Louis from “Interview with the Vampire”. He was magnificently breathtaking, but I couldn’t see his face. I was intrigued. I walked towards my mysterious stranger wondering who he was. As I stood in front of him, he graciously bowed.

“M’Lady, Happy Birthday. Forgive me for my tardiness. I was incredibly delayed.” My stranger said in a English accent.

“It’s OK. Welcome, who ever you are.” I said.

“I am the Dark Prince, m’lady.” The Prince said.

“I am honored by your presence. I hope that you will enjoy yourself at these festivities.” I said.

“No, it is I that is honored by your beauty. I hope that you accept this gift that I have for you.” The Prince said as he handed me a small jewelry box.

I took the box and opened it. It was the most exquisite diamond pendant I have ever seen. I was amazed. I looked at the masked stranger wondering would he reveal himself to me. I looked into his eyes. Those eyes were familiar to me.

“Thank you for this exquisite gift. It is beautiful.” I said.

“You are most welcome, m’lady.” The mysterious prince said.

Suddenly a orchestral melody came over the speakers.

“May I have this dance?” He said.

“Yes, you can.” I said as he took my hand.

The song was a simple waltz. He didn’t take his eyes off of me. I looked for a clue to who he was. When the song ended, I felt as if I was on cloud nine. I was happy and content.

“Come with me. I have to show you something.” My prince said leading me off the dance floor.

We found our way outside away from the crowd. He turned me to face him and pulled off his mask. It was Shawn. He was my Dark Prince.

“Shawn? How? I mean…” I said stammering.

With no words, he pulled me in for a breathless kiss. My head was spinning. My heart was racing. I pulled away from him. I couldn’t believe it. My dream had come true.

“Shawn, I’m speechless.” I said.

“There’s no need to speak. Enjoy this moment. Our moment. I wanted to show you what you mean to me. I want to share my world with you, Michelle.” Shawn said softly.

“Then share it with me, Shawn.” I said.

Shawn took my hand and took out a blade. He made a cut across my fore finger and watched as the blood began to flow out. He slowly put my freshly cut finger in his mouth and began to suck. I had heard him talk about vampirism, but I never saw it for myself. His eyes became dark like black marbles. It felt like he was drinking my blood. Suddenly, he let go. He made a cut cross his finger and offered it to me. I was nervous. I had never done anything like this before. I took his finger into my mouth and began to suck. It felt weird, at first, but then it felt like Shawn and I became one. He took his finger out and looked at me.

“We are forever bonded, my love. My blood flows through your veins, and your blood flows through mine. Nothing will break this connection. Now and forever.” Shawn said softly.

He wrapped his arms around me again and kissed me passionately. Shawn had become my darkness, and I had become his light.




Chapter 4 - The Light and The Dark-1998


It was a week after my party, and nothing seemed to change much.Shawn and I would speak in passing. We never spoke of that night. I thought he didn't think much of it. I mean, it was just a kiss, or was it? Was there more to what happened than I know? Shawn and I shared more than a kiss. We shared blood. Was it possible that Shawn and I connected in a way that I never thought possible? I looked myself in the mirror as I prepared myself for bed. I looked down on my dresser and saw the gift Shawn gave me. I hadn't worn it since that night. I looked at the diamond. I didn't notice that the diamond was shaped like a rose blossoming. It was the most exquisite diamond I had ever seen. I placed the box down back on the dresser and walked towards my bed. Suddenly, there was a knock at my door. I looked at the time, 2:30 a.m. it said. Thank God my roommates are out of town for the weekend.


"Who is it?" I asked.


"It's Shawn. Can we talk?" Shawn said on the other side.


I opened the door to find Shawn looking like a brooding vampire in all his glory. I motioned him to come in, and I closed the door behind him. My first thought was why so late? I was surprised to see him. As I walked towards Shawn, he grabbed me and kissed me. I was taken by surprise. All week he didn't say one word to me except to say hi, and now he kisses me? I was confused.


"Michelle, forgive me for my silence this past week. I know we have much to discuss and talk about. I know what happened at the ball was quite confusing to you." Shawn said.


"Shawn, why did you kiss me? Why the elaborate charade?" I asked.


"Michelle, I didn't know how to tell you. I never felt like this before. You have this amazing light that I am drawn to. I don't know how to react to it all. This is entirely new for me. I am willing to accept it, yet frightened by it. I have been living in darkness for so long, I don't know if I am ready to come into the light." Shawn said.


"Shawn, only you know when you're ready to come out of that darkness. I am glad you feel comfortable enough to share this with me, but I am still confused by the kiss." I said.


"It was a natural reaction to the moment we were in. I was captivated by your beauty. I couldn't help myself." Shawn said.


"Shawn, what are you truly saying?" I asked.


"What I am saying is that I want to see where all of this goes. Maybe you will be the one to bring me out of this darkness. Bring me into the light." Shawn said as he caressed the side of my face.


As I looked into his eyes, I saw love in his eyes. Something I thought I would never see. I was afraid to let myself go with him. Because in a few months, I would be graduating UVM and heading to law school at Harvard. I would be away from him. How could I fall in love with him? Yet, here I was falling in love with him. I looked at Shawn and took his hand. If I was going to fall, I might as well fall hard.


I woke up to the sun in my eyes, naked, and a rose with a note next to me. Even though I knew Shawn was with me, he left as if he was never there. I turned over and grabbed the note. As I began to read it, tears welled up in my eyes.


Dearest Michelle,
Again forgive me for my abrupt departure. I know that it would have been wonderful to wake up with you in my arms. Know that today, I will be thinking of you. That I will miss you. That I love you. You are my angel. Thank you for showing me how beautiful light could be.

Love Always,
Shawn


The darkness had finally met its match, and I planned to meet it head on.