Different Dimensions of Delirium

I sit back, the fluffy cushion of the chair cradling my head. My fingers trail absently across my forearm, tracing the memory of pearly scars. I take a deep, cleansing breath and close my eyes. Remembering… I’ve tried to fight it for too long.

Randomly the swell of… feelings will rise up my throat and I’ll nearly bite through my tongue in my haste to force it back to the dark box in which I’ve imprisoned it. Sooner or later I’ll have to face It.

I would much rather that be on my own terms than in a houseful of people, partying by the pool on a sweltering summer day. Everything I work so hard for nearly shattered around my head that day.

The beast revolted, crushing the chains so carefully wrapped around It. Screaming, It grabbed me wrapping jagged glinting claws around my throat, pressing just enough to dent the skin, to let me know it was serious. That this was no longer a game. 

It trailed it’s free hand lightly down my spine in a perverted, forced intimacy. The fiery palm came to a rest on my hip and the putrid breath caressed my ear in a threat. With the barest of nudges It had me moving forward, tears glimmering in despairing pools. It had disabled the path from brain to voice, I discovered as a gurgled croak tumbled past my lips.

That bastard tightened its needled grip a fraction in warning, laughing breathily in sadistic glee; it knew it had me completely. Knew that no matter how I wished to twist my body from its bloodying grip, I was trapped. And It loved it. Thrived on it.

It ran it’s slimy tongue up my neck, nipping the earlobe that marked the end of the trail. An involuntary shudder and the nip turned to a bruising bite. It snarled, shoving a claw into my back, propelling me through the door and down the stairs. Passing angrily through the laundry room, released from its grip as it threw me into the next room.

Crashing into a bin of toys, I lay stunned. In an instant It had entered the room fully, rushing to tower over me. It grinned maniacally as it crouched over me, airily scratching a glinting tip down my face, over my lips, snagging as he pulled it away. Razor teeth peeked from perpetually bloody lips, It’s libidinous gaze tearing at my skin, ripping it up leaving me raw.

I was shaking and aching, the kind of ache that comes with the knowledge that you are wholly at another’s mercy. The knowledge that that someone is viciously ruthless, thriving on your despair. That it soaks up your pain, a lizard in the desert sun.

My mouth was dry and the tears could no longer convince themselves that their purpose was best served behind thick lashes. The translucent crate of dolls I’d crashed into lay broken. Surrounding me in a mocking, plastic halo. A deafening roar and my swimming suit lay shredded beside me. A promise.

It’s tongue lapped eagerly at the sticky, grinning slashes. Delight gleamed in zealous eyes. Stinging points spider walked down my bare abdomen. Stopping above my navel, they carelessly tapped an unknown rhythm. I could feel the viscid consequence languidly mapping my skin. Impeded by the goose bumped terrain.

The sobs remain hostage; shaking silently in my chest, amusing it. It smirked, ceasing the secret song, bringing his spread claws to my flanks. Teasingly he scratched, down towards my hip, varying the pressure, but never blatantly splitting skin. I choked on a sob, shuddering, shaking as it tore down my throat to settle a mace in my stomach.

Turning my saline streaked face from his pleasure. Staring into sardonically cheery smiles, acrylic stains on matte plastic. Captivated by never blinking eyes. Feeling cells tear at increasing pressure. It’s excitement increases, frenzied, uncontainable. Hot stink ghosting over my cheek, It licks my tears.

A solitary sob wrestles past my lips before I can smash it down. Barbie wins, my lids clench in pain. So much pain, melting my defenses. Chocolate castles in hell have better chances than I at the moment. With a sharp hitch of breath, my eyes drift open, weary. Barbie still stares. A concentrated, critical stare.

Something breaks. I feel it snapping, glasses under military boots. Swelling within, hitching a ride on the blood shooting through my veins. Overwhelming, building. The slices in my flesh aren’t even enough to drain the excess. Launching my body, fist first into It. It’s eyes wide, startled. My lips curled in a vicious sneer. A strident crack, It’s body crashing into, breaking, shelves; my fist slamming It’s head back, splitting scaly skin.

It flailed spindly arms, grappling for purchase. Ignoring the nicks, scrapes. Sneering, seething, tenderizing It’s face, that callous malevolent fucking grin, like I were grilling it for supper. It gurgled, shrieked. Blood shed, It’s in desperate thirst. Mine in helpless desperation. Suddenly knuckles met no resistance, fist just pushing into half baked dough.

Scuttling rearward, back meeting wall, slumping against it, wide eyes drinking in the pulverized mess in surreal disbelief. Finally breathing when it’s clear It won’t move again. Dropping my head into bloodied hands, fisting in matted hair. Sobbing. And sobbing.

Slowly sobs abated. Hiccoughing. Scrubbing furiously tears from my face. Taking deep, shuddering breaths. Looking up. Nothing. Dolls cheery, inviting from their bin under the window. Shelves intact, room pristine. Glancing down at myself. No blood, no wounds. Pulling fist from hair, scrutinizing blemish free knuckles. A blanket of horror descends.

Shooting upright, to my feet. Racing up the stairs, to the main floor. Pacing the empty living room until pseudo psychosis can be contained. Remaining unconvinced, isolated amidst a dozen, smiling people.