A humourous adventure abroad. |
Tuscan Travels Arrived at the airport and we're overweight, Ruth's clothes are on the floor and so we're running late. Spread them out of course was what we had to do But it's not ideal when there's a restless queue. Still we catch our flight So that's alright. Arrived in Italy All was fine. We'd booked a Tuscan villa in the countryside That for several hours we could not find. Had to call the owners to rescue us After no success and five hours on a bus, After crossing rivers and a two mile hike We were less convinced this was somewhere we would like. Was it that house on the hill? No a water mill! At least we'd found it but this was no thrill. Sleepless nights Mosquito bites Snakes, lizards, wild boars Prying eyes behind closed doors. Stranded on Sunday, eat more figs, Whilst in the background they shot wild pigs. No information, no drinks, no food So we're off to the village to improve our mood. It's quite a distance away And we're not too sure if we want to stay. But we had some fun in the village that night So on our return we felt alright. Till staggering back, another hitch As crossing rivers, Joan fell into the ditch. Turns out ok, but the very next day Little did we know what was coming our way! "You're much too loud, Just not like our usual crowd: Having too much fun, This is not a hotel, this place in the sun." So we packed our bags thinking that's alright Let's get out out here and out of sight. No problem for us, We can get the bus with a minimum of fuss. Let's go to Pisa, have a good time, Enjoying ourselves shouldn't be a crime. No talking in the room and treated like a child.. But Joan's embarrassed, thinks we're both so wild. "What's wrong with ye in such a beautiful place Now stop complaining it's a damn disgrace, Been quite a week With ya rebellious streak It's not the norm, So will ye just conform." But there's no clean sheets or fresh towels And the whole experience now affecting our bowels, And it's not to be That we can be free For the wife says "No We cannot go!" Now I'm covered in blisters, can barely walk So fed up can hardly talk, Collapsing beds Throbbing heads Ruth sleeping like a mummy And Joan upset by her rumbling tummy. We've had enough of all this stuff More sleepless nights and feeling rough. Then thunderstorms, all soaking wet Waiting at bustops - fret, fret, fret. Time and time again determined to be free We'd wait two hours under a tree. Ruth morris dancing in the rain, And Joan rubbing her legs to release the pain. Then we arrive at Lucca via the train But the whole experience was such a strain. Lose our way, end up adrift, Have to call the hotel just to give us a lift. Can't speak the language, don't understand When we ask the locals to give us a hand. So we took a trip to the Tirrenian sea But it didn't turn out as it was meant to be. Inspectors on the bus And a mighty fuss As a fight broke out, Poor ruth got a clout, As boys haven't paid So policeman raid No tickets on the bus If ours had expired then it could have been us. Taken to the station, locked up in a cell Miles away from home feeling very unwell. So we're off to the village for a decent meal Should really have been no big deal. But in the toilet too long As everything went wrong. Set alarm bells ringing, Interrupted all the singing And there's banging on the door As someone's mopping up the floor. So off we fled, Clambering out with faces bright red. Still Florence was fine Though we had to rush to get back for nine. And the leaning tower of Pisa, an amazing sight, Intricate detail, gleaming white. So we can't complain That what happened to us almost drove us insane. There's so much to recommend in Italy But it's not quite over yet as you will see. As at the airport so impolite, And just not right To leave us out in the middle of the night! Joan wrapped up like Pinnochio, All dressed like clowns with nowhere to go. Then four am, oh what a swarm As passengers scrambled just to get warm. On arriving home we were all quite glad As England after all didn't seem so bad. |