Laura, Part 1

Laura

The druid sound of the temped carousel music washed over her mind like an oceanic wave. The generic noises coming from fake computer instruments created the aura of a cheerful, problem-free establishment. Where children could run rampant without a care in the misleading world they truly reside.

“Laura, Laura!” a tiny voice propelled. “Laura, can I go once? Please, just once?”

Her mind drifted back into reality as she peered down to lay eyes upon a small boy. It was her younger brother C.C. The look on his face was that of anticipation and overwhelming happiness.

“Course bud, only once. We have to start the walk home very soon before the rain washes us away.”

The already massive smile on his face grew ten fold as he turned his back and started toward the wooden horses. Laura had by then walked over to the small yellow and red striped ticket booth. The portly man behind the counter stated that one dollar would suffice the payment. She fished her hand into her purse and drew the small cash container made of sterling silver. Laura unclasped the tiny lock and drew a single bill. The booth man seized the dollar and stuck it within the confinements of his back pocket. By then, Laura paid no attention to his pathetic appreciation for she was locked in a gaze that centered around her sibling.

After two or three passes, C.C. had selected a blue stallion fixed in a mid-gallop position. As he sat upon the near vertical saddle, he waved frantically in Laura’s direction only to be blotted out by the other children. Once his face reemerged, it had been flushed with the act of laughter. A face that was too ignorant to feel and see the world. Maybe everyone was better off living like that.

***

Laura awoke to the sound of gently falling rain. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, allowing the warm colors of the paint to help her eyes adjust. Waking to the sound of rain was something Laura had become accustomed to ever since she had moved away from Buffalo. She had thought that it rained often enough there, but it was nothing compared to the perpetual showers of Seattle. At first the rain had unsettled her with its drowning relentlessness. But as time went on, she grew to reach a balance with it, and it became just another beat in the rhythm of her everyday life. Besides, the rain seemed to impose a glooming mood on her, and that suited her just fine. For now.

Rising from her place of slumber, she turned on the desk lamp. The sudden flood of light hurt her eyes, bringing a spike of pain deep within her head. She brought her hand up to her fore head and begun rubbing her temples. I had that dream again. The dream which she had been increasingly visiting her mind at night. The temple rubbing coincided with the swimming feeling which almost always followed the dream. It proved futile as she realized some time ago that the only cure was a hot shower.

Laura stood up and made her way to the bathroom adjacent to her bedroom. With one swift motion, the lights sprung to life and she once again had to shade her eyes from the overwhelming brightness. She wandered to the nozzle and began running the water which would soothe her mind. The sound of the water falling and scattering into the basin of the tub proved invigorating. Laura took a deep breath and spun around slowly so she could look at her morning appearance within the mirror. She saw a young woman within her early twenties. Light brown hair as well as steely blue eyes. In the opinion of her old high school classmates, she sported a plethora of distinguished attractive features. Features that were spoiled with dark bags under her eyes. Most commonly brought on by lack of sleep. She had the dream to thank for that.

She looked away from the mirror and could tell by the steam coming from the shower that it was running hot. She removed a towel from under the sink and hung it from a hook on the back of the door. After removing all articles of sleepwear, she threw them in a ball toward the makeshift hamper in the corner. Finally, Laura stepped beneath renewing streaks of water, causing her mind to lose what fogginess it possessed.

***

With a clear mind, Laura began to wonder why of all the memories she kept under lock and key, why this one had chosen to resurface. On the outside, it seemed like a simple happy moment shared with C.C. But to her, it was bittersweet. That day, eight years ago, was one of the last happy days she had in a long while. The image of that sweet innocent face, so happy in its masked joy, silently brought a tear to her eye. A tear that was lost within the water from the shower head.

C.C. had been five then, a good and enjoyable son most of the time. He was the polar opposite of his sister, who was often quiet and misunderstood by all but her closest friends. They had made a pair of favorable children, both equally loved and treated by their parents.

After stepping from the shower, she took another glance in the obscured mirror littered with blotches of condensation. Not being able to stare at herself struck a chord deep within her. A chord which initiated Laura to act on a whim. She stepped forward with her index finger raised. She wrote in the foggy mirror. Hi, my name is Laura and I am somebody! Stepping back, she admired her work. It was a mantra she had taken to heart. A very captivating sentence that was instilled on her by one of the various help groups she had visited over the years. For a while, it had succeeded in promoting her confidence. But, like most things of that nature, good feelings faded, to be replaced by the familiar numbness and gloom. Moments later. Hi, my name is Laura and I am nobody had been sprawled over the original. A message left for the world unread and unheard.

***