thanksfiving and rants

As i sit here it is 3:43am on november 25 2010 and it is thanksgiving. Today i was thinking about all the things we say we are thankfull for on this day like a good job or a nice car or a roof over our heads but these things we can do without, its the things in this life we cant live with out or at least the things we should not have to live without.
There are things in this life that we have to live with and things we should never have to learn to live with. When we lose a parent this is something we have to learn to live with but never should have to. Loseing a child that was carried in our body mind and soul for nine months just waiting to hold that precious bundle in our arms only to have it riped away from us befor it gets a chance to live this is something no parent should ever have to learn to live with, a child is sick and dieing before there life even starts again not something to learn to live with. These are things to be angry at and hurt by and to never stop fighting to stop from happinging.
Learning how to deal with everything in life is a never ending quest and it is not now nore will it ever be an easy quest. We all worry about bills and work and other trivial things but do we ever stop and worry about did we tell that person we love them did we remember to hug our loved ones the last time we saw them did we stop and say i love you just becasue we really do. Or when was the last time you stood or sat on your porch and just watched life go by or the sun set or rise. When was the last time you just stayed in bed all day long on any day of the week with the one you love watching tv because at that moment in time that was right where you needed to be.
Needed to be it is so funny how we always tell people well i cant do that today i need to be somewhere or i have to be somewhere, when really you need to be with that person right at that moment. If someone in your life called you tommrow and said why dont you skip work today and come hang out with me would you? There is a reason they are asking you this and it is because they need you not for anything more then that simple thing right there. In this life when you are gone from it do you want people to look back and say man wish they were around more or do you want them to look back and smile though the tears at the memory of the time you skiped work and went to the beach with them when they really just needed a friend?
I ramble on but today marks a year since the last time i saw my father alive and it has me thinking about that day and time when i told my dad i needed to go home early because my husband needed me, when really my daddy needed me right there at that moment as i left to get on the bus home i told him ill be back to see you in january but someone had other plans and yes i went back in january but it was only to lay to rest the greatest man in my life without whom i would not have this love of reading and writing, so many regrest in my short 28 years but the biggest was not being were i really needed to be when i was needed the most.
As for what i am thankfull for on this day it is simple...
i am thankfull that dad is out of pain, i am thankfull for my husband who always trys to take days off to lay in bed and watch tv with me even when i dont ask him to, for my kids who make life so wonderful tearibul and scary all at once for my mom whom with out this last year would have been just awful, for my friends old and new thouse lost and found they all hold a special place in my heart.
One more thought before i end this have you ever givin your child a camra and let them just take pictures so that you might see the world thorugh there eyes? If you havent you should you might learn something about the world and life.
In the almost year it has been since my father passed i have not been so worried about work or bills or other trivail things and been more worried about me and my family and finding the beautie in every little thing in this world they always say take time to smell the roses guess what that is good advise because when i go from this world i want people to look at my life and say wow she had one heck of a ride and smile thourgh the tears. A funral is no place for sadness, feel sad for the loss of a loved one for a moment but not for the loss of a life as they lead a good one and would want you to have happyness in your life and though a party as a celeabration of a life because that person touched everyone there in some spechial way or there would not be any one left to mourn them.
What i ask is please be thankfull for all the good in your life never go to bed mad, dont forget to say i love you and try to watch the sunrise or set at least once a week because when its all said and done it is the little things you will remember not your job or what house you lived in or car you drove it will be the first time you saw your child smile or the unwanted brith of puppys who always made you smile afterwards or siting on the porch with your love watching the chickens and the sunset at the end of a really bad day. And even when your little ones came in your room for a hug after a nightmare or the first heartbreak your daughter or son has even if they wont remember you always will. Live each day like its your last and be thankfull for the good everyday not just on thanksgiving.
Thanks for giving