Toy Gun

The last time he saw the girl her miniature fingers poised the gun perfectly.  The barrel softly teetered against his scalp.  He purchased the pistol intending to hold it to her head.  His plans were of innocent annihilation; as they walked down the hall hand in hand he realized he could not bring himself to do something equally horrible to her as what he was trying to prevent.  Every night for the past three weeks he struggled to keep his composure at bed time.  God knew how much he wanted to mount her perfect little body and feel her angelic glove encompass him every time he kissed her forehead good night. 

         “Alright, Katie bear, keep the blind fold on until after you press the button and turn around.”  He pushed down the fear with an onerous swallow.  “Then go up to your room and Miss Annie will come tonight to take you for a vacation.  That sounds fun, huh?”  The first time he saw her, he recalled, Miss Annie-the social worker brought him to a foster home to browse.  When he stumbled upon her playing in the yard he stood still and silent in awe and confusion of her majesty.  He did not reconcile that he wanted her at this acknowledgement; he thought it was normal to think a child beautiful.  He relished in the way her body moved and thought it ominously salacious to see the sweat bead down her porcelain face.  He wanted that one!

The second night of her stay he bathed her.  By the end of the week he was unable to help her dress without first tucking himself between his legs.  By the middle of the second week he had begun using duct tape to hold his erection unnoticeable.  His chastity did not ease his desires as he aspired it might.  At first he thought of the gun in an effort to scare himself-but his penis did not feel the fear his heart did.  Ashamed he thought: what if I shoot it off?  When he realized he could not shoot himself he devised a plan to shoot her and when he could not take her innocence he decided she must punish him.

The sun pulsed in a cloudless sky.  He took off his suit jacket and laid it on the splintered bench.  “We are going to play a game.” He held her shoulders and turned her in circles with a blindfold tight around her face.  He knelt in the grass and handed the child the gun.