Life's Lessons

"Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment," this quote written by Rita Mae Brown sums up my life to present day. I can remember growing up and dreaming of all the great things I was going to accomplish. Funny looking back how what I dreamed was far from what happened, and what I wouldn't give to do it all over again. My experiences have definitely left me scars that have either altered my personality or driven barriers that are hard to break due to heartache. I understand looking back why my parents were always so hard on me when it came to my stubborn opinions, but would it really matter when you think you are so sure your doing the right thing at the time. The bottom line is that I am thirty-two years old and have nothing to show my children or the dreams I imagined so long ago. I am a mother of three wonderful children who deserve so much better than what I have given them, and yet they look up at me with love and respect each and everyday. It really breaks my heart the pain and agony we have struggled for so long and makes me wonder when is it ever going to change. I know many people will read this and think well change your life and go for what you want. Believe me when I tell you that I am a strong willed woman who has a very determined mind set, but even that can stop you when life just won't catch you a break sometimes. The world we live in is so different from when I was younger and things were easier to come by; struggling wasn't a part of everyday society. I can't help feeling a sense of loss with myself and struggle within my soul to fight the good fight and here I am looking back with this pain wondering what I can possibly do to change where I stand. My children and I stay with my parents who deserve to have their own life as much as we do. I struggle so much to find that teenage girl who would take on the world and didn't care who stopped her, but she never seems to surface. I know she is their under the cracks just waiting to come out and take over this woman who has struggled, been through heartache and misery, and is left bitter with the experiences she herself caused so many times. So if your reading this essay I want you to remember the dreams you thought you would accomplish and ask yourself if your experiences changed the outcome by personal choices you made. Ralph Waldo Emerson once quoted, "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." I will pick myself back up and I will see my destination and it may take lots of healing, but I am strong enough to do what I set out to accomplish no matter how long it takes me.