Nice one, dickhead

Oh boy, there's that familiar feeling again, creeping in from somewhere that you can't really pinpoint. It's calming and relaxing and starts to feel like maybe you're not actually there. But obviously you must be there, where else could you be? Besides, you haven't walked anywhere. Or at least you don't think so. No you definitely haven't, you can feel the arms of your chair pressing in on you; you haven't even left your seat. So why oh why do you feel M I L E S away?



Of course! Your eyes are closed. Jeeze, why didn't you think of that? Open them, then. Go on. Hang on they seem pretty heavy actually (is it just me or is this thing getting way too intense way too quickly? Nah, probably just me), don't strain yourself. There! They're open! FUCK there are a lot more people here than you remember, aren't there? What are they all talking about? Shit they're gesturing to the door behind you, and moving doesn't really seem possible at the moment. But I guess you'd better give it a go... concentrate! Ah! You can do it, see I told you. You're up. Well done, now get in out of the cold.



Oh wow, you made it to the door. I'm so proud of you.... now open it. Oh man is it really that far awa-ow! My fist just slammed into the door handle. Oops. Okay door is open and you're inside. Probably best to sit down ASAP before you fall through the floor or something equally ridiculous. Yeah this is good, you're warm and this chair is mighty comfy. Maybe you should just lie back for a while. Yeah man this feels good, you can even hear everyone's conversations. It's weird tho, you seem to only be able to hear one conversation at a time. It's like tuning into a radio station.



Wait, is someone talking to you? Yeah that was definitely your name that was shouted. But who was it? It might've been the guy right next to you... hmm, who's sitting next to you again? You could look, but then it would be strange if it wasn't him that shouted you. Shit, do you realise how long you've been thinking about all this crap? They've probably forgotten they even asked you anything. Wow, you must be thinking really hard 'cause you've just noticed the ongoing conversations for the first time in ages. The radio's broken. You broke it. With your mind. Maybe you're a psychic. Nah, just kidding, you aren't that far gone.



But seriously, this thing has gotten way too fucking intense too quickly. This is weird, weird, weird, and I'm not sure that this is good anymore. Why is your head so heavy? It feels impossible to lift it off your hands... But someone else is talking to you now. Just give 'em the old thumbs up, that'll do the trick probably. Oh my life your head is so heavy, shit this was definitely a bad idea. What's that in your stomach? Oh man, something is definitely rising in there... better be careful. How much time has passed? It could have hours been for all you know. What a shit decision this was.



Oh god yet another person is talking to you now, so just try REALLY HARD to pay attention. Do you want a lift? Yes you definitely fucking do! But try and act cool about it, for some reason that I can't even tell you. "Uh, yeah sure man, that'd be cool i guess." Phoning his mom, thank god I'll be outta here soon. This is terrible, when my eyes are open the whole room spins and I spin the opposite direction. But when my eyes are closed even shapeless blackness seems to be spinning. How! If it's shapeless how can it be spinning? That concept is just fucking ridiculous. Oh thank god, we're leaving. I definitely shouldn't have drank those ten pints earlier today, then this wouldn't even be happening. Just realised we've switched from second person to first, oh well, let's switch back. Oh you're at the car, how did you get here? Who cares? In you get, manage a mumbled "Hey, thanks..." to your friend's mum who's driving and away you go.



You instantly regret getting this lift as your stomach feels like it's about to be thrown out of your mouth.  Oh shit... maybe if you concentrate you can keep it all under control. Nearly there, just a little longer. Try not to think about the fact that to the best of your knowledge you left your stomach behind in the carpark. You're here! Finally, thank fuck. You practically jump out of the car, half-shouting a word of gratitude. Back door. Get your key. Okay you're in, shoes off and get up the stairs for bed. Lying in bed, everything is feeling much better now, and really everything's melting away isn't it... Probably, yeah.



Are you concious? Man, who even cares anyway? Who's that girl? You can't see see, touch or hear her (in fact, do you have a body at the moment? You have no way of knowing), but somehow you know she's there. You're feeling rough still but you notice that you start to feel better the closer you get to her. Shit, this girl is magic or something. Who is she? Who fuckin' cares?! you don't know who she is, or what she looks like or anything but you think you might love her. Yeah, you probably do. She turns to you and communicates (whether through telepthy or some other means) just six words; "Beer and grass, on your ass."



Learnt your lesson?



Yours sincerely, Brain.