This is an account of my struggle to overcome the death of my husband; beginning again. |
Hello World, I am Back! Have you ever found yourself standing in the middle of the universe with no connections to anything? Have you ever looked up to find your world has been wiped away without notice? Have you found yourself with no life, no future, and a very shaky past? Well, that is just what happened to me in early April, 2010. I was very happily marry to a man that had my pedestal so high up, I had to take care not to lean over too far and fall to the world below. I had a thriving business which occupied over 1500 square office complex and had three perminate employees and four high school students working with me. We owned our home and both of our vehicles, both late models and in great mechanical condition. All I could see was blue skies and my heart sang with joy as I began each day with zeal. Then it happened! As I returned from work to our home, I realized something was wrong. My beloved husband was dead, lying across the bed where he fell when he died instantly from an aneurism. My world tumbled down around me and my heart shattered into more pieces than I could count. I had lost many loved ones to death, but this loss reached down into my soul. Half of me was gone! Somehow I found the sense of mind to plan his funeral, and to give him a grand farewell which included a military honor guard. Though I would not have thought I could stand another loss, I found when you have no choice; you can carry a pretty heavy mental load. The activities taking place at my office would catch me as off guard as the sudden death of my beloved husband. When I returned to the office, there had been a three day notice to vacate from a party stating they had the right to assume ownership of the building. It seems there was a lawsuit involving the ownership of the building. I did not have the presence of mind to even know where to begin to sort out this mess nor did I know if I wanted to at this time. After looking for suitable office space, I found we were not in a financial position to make that kind of a move and chose to dissolve the business. So my partner handled the process of dissolving the business and vacating the offices. Meanwhile, I struggled to hold onto to my sanity. I must confess, it has been one of the hardest processes I have ever had to face. The loss of my business was painful, but in no way compared to the loss of my beloved, John. I saw him everywhere. I heard his voice calling to me. I found myself walking into his television room to give him a kiss on his sweet forehead, only to remember he wasn’t there. At the age of sixty, I find myself beginning a new life. Maybe it will bring glory to the life my beloved gave to me. I will seek new directions, new goals, commit fully to my writing and hold on tight until the world stops spinning. I have started over many times, so I know I am up to the task. I just had to be willing to go on leaving my life with John a cherished memory that will give me strength when I am weak. |