The Plight of the "Good Man"

THE PLIGHT OF THE “GOOD MAN”

A GOOD MAN: a man who is true and honest in his actions; a man who takes care of house and home to the best of his abilities; a man who loves his woman and children and does his best by them. A good man is NOT lazy, unfaithful, abusive, unconcerned, nor does he have a “THUG MENTALITY”.

I’m not a man nor do I pretend to be but I get so aggravated when I see a good man wasting his time with mediocrity.  I know, I know. What I perceive isn’t always the way things actually are.  But still, everyone who knows me knows that I like to sit back and observe.  The things you see when no one thinks you’re looking, priceless.  So naturally I have made several observations while sitting back and keeping my mouth shut. The lesson of the day:

WOMEN CLAIM TO HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING A
GOOD MAN, BUT A MAN HAS AN EVEN HARDER
TIME FINDING A GOOD WOMAN.

Ooh, I KNOW I’m going to get jumped on for this one but it’s the truth as I’ve seen it. Think about it. When most women get a good man, they don’t immediately recognize it. We as a gender are used to being treated like garbage by men. So, naturally, we carry all of those hang ups to the next relationship, thus ruining any possible chances we have at understanding that the person who is standing right in front of us is the Prince Charming we had been waiting for. The main culprit for this blindness? Years spent kissing frogs and hoping it turns into royalty that will sweep us off our feet with romantic notions only a woman could conspire. So now our very own “good man” is putting in overtime trying to convince us that he’s not like the rest. We’d be lucky if we eventually see our Prince Charming for who he really is and start doing right by him but that’s not always the case.

It’s a shame women can be so picky. I can speak for myself on this one. My “Perfect Prince Charming”…well, lets see. Physically, my ideal man would be tall, slender with a muscular build with a mane of crisp blue/black hair and perfect pearly whites. He would be financially stable, a social powerhouse with connects that would make any movie producer blush in shame, and yet be a sweet, caring, sensitive man who would kill for me if I were to ever be affronted. Did I mention he would also have to be a stallion in the bedroom? I said all of that to say this: there are a LOT of good men roaming the streets but because he doesn’t have the physique or credentials or social statues we expect, we pass them by. Every good man will not have the body of Adonis nor will every good man be a self made millionaire. Us females need to pull our heads from out of our behinds and take a deep whiff of reality.  We’ll see that plainly dressed good man on the streets and simply pass him by, but we’ll give the finely dressed “bad boys” a second glance. It’s a shame.

But that leads me to another point. Why is it we get so taken by the well dressed bad boy? Why are we, as females, so attracted to the thuggish, hardcore, tattooed, saggy pants, gaudy jewelry, still living in the projects and working at Mickey D’s kind of guys? I see so many good, decent women who want to make something of themselves wasting their time trying to “mold and change” their bad boy into a good man like he’s made of Play-Doh. It makes no  sense to me because a good man is NOT a man you have to change (furthermore, it’s impossible to “change” anyone. You can influence, which is not the same. To change someone you would  have to take their personality, their essence, and negate it while creating something new in the process. That’s no easy feat). Let’s say you have a man who is physically or verbally abusive. He says he cares about you but his actions don’t show it. He cheats, he lies, and he is forever playing on your emotions and your intelligence. Why is that attractive? Is it believed that in order for a man to truly love a woman he has to berate her? What ever happened to the man who courts the woman he adores? The type of man who takes the time out of his day to show admiration to his lady? The one who you can be proud to bring home to the family? Well, I can say this: that man is still out there but he’s being outshined by the attractive jerks that currently dominate the market.

There are quite a few people who I know that are in sound relationships. It’s so nice to see people who are genuinely in love with each other and who understand that you must work to make a relationship last instead of bailing out every time something goes even remotely wrong. I’ve even met women who have found their good man, their Prince Charming. They understand they have a true provider, husband, and father in their lives and that alone is a blessing.  BUT they don’t take care of them. Why is that? If your man is going to work everyday, making sure the bills are paid, why is it he has to make his own dinner? No good man should leave a clean home in the morning and come back to a junky house in the evening. I’ve seen women let their kids run amuck throughout the house all day and expect the husband to do all of the discipline. The man is the PROVIDER of the house, the woman is the NURTURER. A man provides a HOUSE for his family, a woman makes it a HOME.  Now that doesn’t mean the woman is the dictator of the house. Far from it.

The roles of the husband and wife have gotten so mixed up in the past few years. Nowadays, it’s not uncommon for a household to be run on two salaries but a lot of females (and I am witnessed) believe they have to do everything on their own. They work, take care of  the kids, clean the house, etc. They may even be bringing in more money than their male counterpart. The problem, however, lies when the woman doesn’t acknowledge the good man and his endeavors to keep his family together. If he’s not bringing enough money home, the woman nags about it. If he’s not home enough with the kids, more nagging. There is even nagging if the good man is out all day at work and can’t be at the female’s beck and call. It is possible to break a good man down to where he feels powerless, as though he’s not good enough to maintain a status in his home or relationship. Us females are so used to being Superwoman we tend to forget about Superman. So after a time of  constant arguing, of being made to feel inadequate and inept by unappreciative wives or girlfriends, that good man is more likely to exit stage left than continue on in the relationship.  Bye-bye Prince Charming.

Please don’t think that by reading this I must be a woman basher because I’m not. I’m a woman who loves to sit back and watch how people behave and it saddens me greatly that even I have fallen into the trap of not recognizing a good man nor appreciating the ones I do let into my life. But now I see a bit more clearly and I desire to leave my fellow finicky female gender a message. I understand that a good man is hard to find. Most of the so-called men  out here are not worth much but I implore you: Open your eyes and see that good man standing next  to you because the quicker you get over yourselves, the less he has to prove to you.

Take heed and farewell