blast from the past

Sitting on her computer one day, she was on one of those social networking site's called “Facebook”, so many old friends that she had long forgotten had got in touch , it was nice talking to them again. Today she gets a friend request from someone she hadn't thought of in a very long time, accepting the request she spoke briefly to her, asking how life was, what she'd been doing etc......but didn't ask what she really wanted to ask.  So on this person's home page, she looked at her friends list and she couldn't believe it he was there!  Nick Jarvis, wow, she hadn't heard that name in a very long time, she was in two minds whether to add him or not, but she was curious. He had been her first love, the first person she had ever given herself to completely. And also the first person who had broken her heart.

Deciding in the end just to go ahead and add him , she was surprised when he accepted, unable to help herself she messaged him in private mail, told him she didn't think he'd remember her, and was delighted when she got a message back saying “ Of course I remember you, you never forget your first time”  making her blush when reading it, cos she remembered him only too well, also she remembers telling him back then that she was not a virgin, when in fact she was.  They started chatting exchanging number's and were soon texting each other every day.

Then something happened that she didn't expect, its a long story but she used to write short stories for a few magazines, only when her relationship broke down four years ago, and she lost the baby they had been trying for, for seven years, she stopped writing completely. Seriously never thought she would want to write again, but when her and Nick started talking she not only felt the urge to write but she wrote two short stories, that are probably her best ever. 

Her and Nick decided to meet up not long before Christmas, she was such a nervous wreck, he was all nerve's too. She was so excited about seeing him again, she didn't even think about the consequences, after all he had been her first love, so she was naïve to think that meeting him now wouldn't somehow affect her.

The day arrived quickly, she spent most of the day cleaning, then doing her hair, he didn't arrive until very late that evening, they had arranged to meet at the station, so as she was walking up to meet him, her heart was beating pretty quickly, all the way there trying to put the nerves on hold, she got to the  station and saw him, it was like she was fifteen again,when they came face to face, and their eyes met her heart skipped a beat, she said hello, the butterflies in her stomach just kept jumping around like they were having a damn party!  As they walked to her place she started babbling about the weather, as it was snowing and she'd already slipped once or twice on the way to the station. Her hands were shaking, she wasn't sure if it was because it was cold, or because he was so close.  He asked how she'd been and what she'd been doing all these years, she didn't say too much about that, she just briefly told him a few things. Told him about her son, obviously she was extremely proud of him.

Finally they got to her place, he was as nervous as she was, they had a few beers and chatted while watching a programme they both loved. As she got up to get another beer, he leaned his head over the back of sofa, saying what we going to do now, she couldn't help but lean in to kiss him, feeling her knees go weak, she said I think it's time we went to bed. And so they moved into the bedroom, where they continued to talk some more, it was getting very cosy indeed. She told him things she'd never told anyone, they talked about children, she asked him if he'd ever wanted children, he said yea when he was younger but as he got older he'd changed and didn't want them any more, he asked her the same question, she should have told him the truth really, but instead she told him that no she didn't want any more children, truth of the matter was that 4 years ago that decision was taken away from her when the doctors told her she couldn't have any more, she has no idea why she didn't tell him, but maybe it was just much too personal, for her at least, and she didn't want him feeling sorry for her, like her whole family did!

Every time she looked into his eyes she could feel herself getting lost. Making her feel fifteen all over again. She was amazed at how they seemed to get on pretty well, she was dead shy, when it come to getting undressed and into bed, but he was sweet and made her feel so good. Having him touch her again felt so unreal, almost like it was a dream, but she knew it weren't. It felt so good, she couldn't get enough of him. It was the perfect end to an amazing evening, and he'd learned a few things since they'd first slept together, which wasn't at all surprising considering the first time had been 19 years ago! 

Waking up next to him in the morning was great although she did feel quite shy, especially when her mind wondered back to what they had done the night before.  She would have stayed in bed a lot longer than she did, but unfortunately her niece turned up, with all the excitement and anticipation of seeing him again she had completely forgotten she was babysitting her niece that day. Getting up she found him a towel so he could have a shower, and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Still in somewhat of a daze over what had happened her mind kept drifting to the night before, and she could feel herself going very red. She walked him to the door to see him out, kissing him one last time she said goodbye, he said “See you in the New Year”.

All that day she couldn't stop smiling, she had several family parties to attend that day too, her family thought she was on drugs or something! 

Getting back home late in the evening she cleaned up and went over everything that had happened, cursed herself for being so shy, there was so much she had wanted to do that night, but just didn't have the nerve to do it.  Why after all these years did he still make her feel like a 15 year old girl?

It was a night she would never forget, and certainly would never regret it. Over the next few days and weeks she got on with Christmas and everything that entailed, putting it all to the back of her mind.  Now after New Year , when she thinks about that night, she wistfully wishes that they'd had more than one night. She still talks to him but maybe doesn't show her feelings too much, besides it's not like anything could happen he lives too far away.  Does she miss him? Maybe a little. Does she wish things had been different? Maybe.... 

She wants to see him again, but is not sure if that is very wise, he has an effect on her that no one else ever has, she can't tell him any of this.  How can one night have such an effect on her?  And does he feel the same? She doesn't like not being in control of her emotions and with him her control has all but disappeared. It scares her to feel this way, so she decides just to play it cool. Secretly wondering if he felt the same that night. Or maybe he's just as confused and surprised as her...or maybe that's just wishful thinking.

But in the end it all comes down to fate and destiny if they were meant to be together then they'd find a way. If they were never meant to be then at least they would be friends still, and to be honest she likes having him in her life, even if it is only as a friend, because sometimes friendship is the best.