Obsessed

                                                  Part 1

As I stood in the hallway of Princeton University, I looked over to the girl I had been wanting to speak to for so long. I had thought it over many of times, even though I know that it may just be a simple hello, every time I would try I couldn't bring myself to do it.



Her name is Jane, the one and only girl I have ever fell for. Jane was at the top of our class, just as she was in highschool and she was incredibly fit from playing sports, theres never a wonder in my mind why all the guys fall for her..shes so..beautiful. But I knew that today was the day to finally speak to her, I have been hideing in the shadows and giveing myself lame excuses as to why I had to do it the next day. So here I go.



I tapped on her sholder as she turned to face me with a silly grin on her face, like someone just made her day. I knew she could see the sorrow on my face, in my eyes because her smile went to a casual frown the second she saw me.



" Hey, your Sinead right? The girl in my chemistry class right?"

She asked. She knows my name? I was a little taken back since she hasn't even glanced at me once dureing the time I wanted to become friends with her and her friends. Yet..I have to be kidding myself, right? Jane is a top student and I just got lucky to be in a Ivy Leauge school. The first thing to come out of my mouth was a shy squeeky " wud up"



...I just made a big fool of myself infront of the girl I like, so I decided to walk away with my dignity dragging loosely behind me. I looked back to see her looking back at me with pity written all over her face. As I shook my head I thought to myself how stupid I must be to even thinking of talking to her because now, I had felt like a complete loser. Why even bother with it? Infact, why bother with life? No ones gonna..



I suddenly felt a warm hand touching my sholder.



" Stop please.." I heard.

I turned around and saw the happy smileing face of Jane Randoph.



"..why dont you come hang out with me after school? We can meet for dinner at Sky Dot Grill at 8, sound good?"



  I nodded and smiled so wide I could feel it pulling on either side. I kept repeating the dinner plans in my head, ' Sky Dot Grill at 8, Sky Dot Gill at 8..' though by the time I had stopped my memorizing, I realised that it was already 7:40! What should I wear? What color make-up should I use? Is she allergic to purfume? All these thoughts had and through my mind a million times while I tried to get dressed in a rush. I decided that make-up and perfume should be put aside for now untill I knew her a little better.



                                                  Part 2



  I made my way into Sky Dot Grill, standing and searching for where Jane has been seated amongst the large croud inside.



"May I help you?" Asked an older waitress who seemed to be haveing a bad hair day. I was planning on not talking to anyone else just because I had fallen 10 minutes behind, not to mention the fear that she thought I diched her for no reason.



"Im looking for Jane Randoph." I replied nervously. ' I hope she didnt leave..' I thought to myself, but the waitress' expression told me diffrent. She had impatiently left because I was 10 boreing hours late.



" Sorry, no one here on our guest list.." She looked at me like she really was sorry. I slowly walked out while pushing the door open, hitting someone in the arm. My mind was too in thought to apologize but I did look up at him while he was walking away sneering to himself. I walked away as well.



  The next day I saw Jane passing my dorm room talking to her besties and completely ignoreing me. To be honest, she was the only person who I thought would give a dam about me, about my life. The one person who could completely turn things around without a selfish thought but I now know that I was wrong, that she was exactly like everyone else, a person who pretended to throw in the effort but in the end became completely mis-leading. Did I deserve to be her friend or was I just a petty, hidden little secret she had kept from the rest of her friends?



  " Im sorry I didn't make it last night.." I looked up just to see if it was Jane comeing to apologize, to my surprise, there was nobody at the door so I had quickly looked around, but my dorm was still empty. Words couldnt discribe what I was about to do, but It had felt like someone sucked my soul right out of my body as if it where some incredibly painful surgery and all that was left was the pain but I knew I had to do something that would grab her full attention just to see how much she really cared.



I looked at my little black bag, the one I almost never carry around, only because I had been hideing something in it for protection uses only. I got up slowly from my couch and picked it up, knowing that the decision I was about to make was the better way out of my misery.



I caught up with her group and I had pulled her aside into a empty hallway. I looked at her with tears in my eyes as she looked up and down me to figure me out.



"Whats wrong? I.." She put her hand on my sholder to console me but I pushed it off, wipeing tears from my face. " What's your problem..we barely know eachother, in fact we've only been talking a day..I totally forgot about the plans I made so for that I do apologise, but theres no need to get worked up over.."



"YOU DONT UNDERSTAND JANE!!" I yelled. "You just..dont understand.."



"What do you mean Sinead? Im not sure what Im suppose to understand here.."



"I love you Jane..I love you like any other guy would love you..but I've been watching you for months and you never talk to any of them..Hundreds of guys hurt you, made fun of you, calling you big.."



"Don't go there..don't you dare even go there Sinead and dont you dare..DARE call me that name..You have no right to call me that.."



  "I wasn't calling you 'Big Face' I was just saying.." I had suddenly felt a slap go right across my face. Jane was scowling at me with her hand in the air ready to hit me again but walked away instead while shoveing me into the wall.



" What is so wrong about that name Jane? Why is it so bad to face those words?!" Jane had stopped walking. She turned around and ran full force at me, knocking me to the ground as she began to explain why she couldnt hear the name.



"How would you like it if someone too your worst attribute and used it against you? You have no idea what Ive been through, what I had to deal with..so just say..away..FROM ME." I had just blown it in one day. She was right, I have no idea what her life is like nor what shes been throught. I knew I had screwd up since I screw everything up for myself, its just the way I am..but thats no excuse.Like I've always ask myself, always wondered how I got into Princeton..and here I am, on the floor haveing nothing in life.



I looked at my bag once again, but only this time, I had actually reached in to pull out what was inside. The times Ive reached for it where the same reason but the reasons had faded with a bit of journal writeing. This time, I wasn't sad. I wasn't crying. I had actually felt happy about it because I knew it was time. I saw Megan, Jane's best friend look around the corner at me as I held the gun to my head. I smiled at her feeling a lift off my sholders and slightly squeezeing the trigger. I smiled at her once more as I saw her running towards me, yelling out to me.



" DONT!!.." 





                                            THE END