Lili

Having just gotten outside, in back of the house, Lili looked forward at the gulf laying in front of her.  The water stretched for miles and the waves swelled toward the shore.  The breeze came in and blew her long white hair along with the reeds along the beach.  Her skinny arms held out and her fingers extended as far as they could.  Lili felt like she had wings and the wind was picking her up, she wanted to soar over the water, looking down from above.  She felt her arms reaching farther and farther, then she heard a door slamming inside the house behind her and a shiver ran through her body.  She turned around and looked back the old worn boards of the shack roughly slapped together, it looked so small, just a square of with a roof over it.  The back door was open, hanging lazily, it looked like it was ready to fall off.  She shouldn't have left the door open like that, she knew she had to keep it shut so it didn't fall off in the wind, but she couldn't remember walking out or why she didn't close it. 

It seemed that the house was alive as she looked at it.  Lili forgot about the gulf.  She turned around to walk back to the house expecting to be swallowed.  The fear in her belly didn't have a reason, but she didn't question it either.  She never left the door open, but what was she doing just before she came outside, she couldn't remember. 

Lili crept to the back door and put her head in to look,  she saw nothing but she heard movement from the bedrooms, then footsteps coming toward her.  Lili froze in the doorway, their was something here. 

She watched as her father came around the corner, he was angry, stomping thru the house looking disdainfully at how small and broken down it was.  Rough hewn, grey, thin boards nailed together, you could see from one room to the other through cracks between the boards. He could of destroyed the whole thing in minutes just by tearing it apart with his hands.  He looked like he was going to do just that. 

Lili watched him stride across the kitchen, he was touching the walls and shaking his head muttering to himself. 

"Dad".....

He stopped and looked at Lili standing in the doorway. 

"what are you doing here?"

He looked at her uncomprehendingly, but didn't say a word. 

Lili felt herself closing up, she felt the world going dark around her. 

She knew that this was important, though and she struggled, finally giving a kick she ran into the room jumping into his arms and throwing her arms around his neck.  She held on so tightly that they were like one person.  her legs wrapped tightly around him her neck wrapped into his. 

"Papa! Papa! Papa!" 

He held her as well, but he tried to pull his face back to see her but she kept her face buried in him taking in his scent, his facial stubble, his strong arms. 

"Papa, don't leave me again"

He looked at her eyes while she kissed his face. 

Lili tried to remember when she'd seen him last, but her mind was empty.  She looked at the old worn boards of the kitchen and the wood-stove in the corner.  Then she remembered, she had moved into this house after papa had died.  They didn't have enough money to stay where they were so the county had given them this shack by the water. 

"I love you papa, I love you"  Lili repeated over and over, and held on as tight as she could.  He looked confused and out of place but he held on to his daughter and said, "Mon a'more Lili." as he held her off the ground in his arms. 

Lili's heart over flowed, but her mind could not stay still, how could it be that the was here with her.  she had lived in this house a long time, but he had never been here with her before.  He must be alive!  he didn't die!  he's here with me!  Lili's heart soared.

An image came to Lili's mind of her dad laying in a coffin, his skin grey and lifeless.  this flash of him hit her hard, she pulled away and looked hard at him, his skin wasn't grey it was pink and white and he had the stubble of a beard that he always did.    How did he come back to life?  How could he be dead and here at the same time? 

Then her mind told her that she was dreaming.  she didn't want to hear it, and tried to push out the obvious, because that would mean that her father was not alive at all, but once the idea took hold she couldn't push it back out again. 

She looked her dad in the eye

"Papa we're dreaming, don't wake up, don't ever wake up!"

Fear enclosed Lili when she realized she would lose this.  She felt the adrenaline coursing through her body, the world was fading to darkness, she couldn't see the kitchen or her dad anymore, she couldn't open her eyes, she hugged harder and couldn't feel him anymore.    She screamed into the air to make it stop, her scream broke the spell and she opened her eyes.  She saw her bedroom.  She was lying in bed, sweating. Adrenaline was rushing though her body.  She jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen where she and her dad just were. 

"Papa! Papa!"  she looked at the stove and the walls.  She want to the far corner of the room "Papa!", she put her hands up reaching for the feel of him again, looking at the back door she ran to it and flung it open, then ran outside.  She looked at the water and waited for the sound that started it, she waited to hear the door slam and her papa stomping through the house.  The waves of the gulf lazily came ashore and the breeze blew past her, but no other sound could be heard. 

Lili turned and ran back into the doorway to the empty kitchen then to the back of the house into the back bedroom.  her mom's eyes were open looking at her from her bed.  running to her mom Lili fell on top of her. 

"I saw him , Momma"  "he was here"  "Papa was here"

Lili put her face into her mothers chest.  with a wet face Lili felt her own chest on fire with an actual physical pain, she sobbed.  She also felt how close he had been to her.  How good she had felt hearing him say he loved her, hearing her name come from his voice again.  She held onto that feeling as hard as she held onto her mom now. 
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