New Beginnings

"What the hell is this?" He asked waving a pink envelope erratically in the air. She tried to focus on the writing on the envelope but she could not make it out as it moved back and forth, up and down. Her husband liked to talk with his hands. The question was simple, but she did not have an answer. As her husband repeated his question she tried to come up with an answer that would alleviate the tension but any answer she could think of would simply aggravate the situation, so she remained silent.

"Oh, you're not gonna answer me then? I see how it is! Well I'll just have to show you then won't I." His big hands tore mercilessly at the envelope and finally shoved what looked to be a card of some sort in front of her face.

"Do you see that? Do you know what that is?" She still did not know exactly what it was but reflected silently on the picture of a teddy bear she had seen briefly fly in front of her.

"I'll tell you what it is then!" She waited. "It's a damn love letter that's what it is!" He then spit ferociously on the card, and threw it on the floor stomping it mercilessly into the green checkered tile. A love letter-the concept seemed foreign to her. She stood alone in the kitchen and stared down at the poor spit soaked teddy bear and repeated the words in her head trying to make some sense out of them. She knew her answer would be found behind that teddy bear, but she felt powerless to pick it up. Her eyes roamed quietly around the room and she took in the sad picture of her kitchen. Deep brown counter tops and cabinets that refused to stay closed. If her kitchen was sad surely she was even more devastating to look at. Her hair was like wool from the hard well water she used to wash it, and her hands were rough from years of labor. A love letter-she laughed to herself.

Stooping carefully she retrieved the teddy bear from the floor and carefully wiped her husbands spit on her apron. Now able to study it she could see the teddy bear was holding a bouquet of balloons and beneath the picture were the words "Happy Birthday". She smiled despite herself. She had not celebrated her birthday in years. Slowly she opened the card and read words that seemed so surreal she sunk slowly on to the cold tile. "Even though we're years apart, I still hold you in my heart." Beneath the print was a hand written note. "Dear Susanne, I know we have not spoken in many years but I remember you fondly on your birthday. I hope that life is treating you well, and if you ever find that you miss me too please do not hesitate to come visit." Beneath the writing was a phone number and address.

She could not say how long she sat on the checkered tile, only that she had gone somewhere else entirely. Her mind brought her back to a time before she had gotten married, a time when she was sure she was in love, but that was so many years ago. She tried to conjure up some emotion, to remember what it felt like to be desired. She stared pitifully at her aged and withered hands. She was not the same person anymore. She heard the TV in the next room and her husbands laughter and the pop fizz sound of his beer being opened. She tried to count the pop fizzes, to know just how drunk he was. Eventually he was quiet and she stood up.

When she entered the living room she thought for a moment he was still awake but noticed quickly how his mouth hung open and his beer had slipped from his grasp. She took a step to go clean up the beer cans, to count them as she always did, but stopped mid step. In her hand she still held the teddy bear with the balloons, and those words that seemed so foreign to her. “I remember you fondly.” Could she still be that girl? Was it too late to start again?

She felt in that moment that her world had shifted and suddenly a new door stood in front of her. She tightened her grip on the teddy bear card, and took a step. (750 words)