Forever Loved Chapter 1

And she said to me with hatred in her eyes, “I never loved you.” And that is the day everything turned around.

         Two years later….

Nothing has happened that I formally regret anymore. I fucked up my life once. I never wanted anything to happen that I would regret again. I’m afraid is all… She was the girl who told me everything, who came to me when she needed help. She was the girl who I fell in love with.

Who wouldn’t feel this way after having that person be the only reason you were alive to the day? After being with the same person for three straight years. No on and off bullshit; an actual committed relationship, it’s hard to just turn away and face the world like nothing had ever happened.

If you want to know who I am, I’m Ever Grant. Ever is short for Evermore. I’m 19 years old now, and yeah… I am a lesbian big whoop. My now current ex girlfriend Kai, short for Kayla Traci Gray- yeah the irony with our similar last name thing- was the person I’m talking about up there in the second paragraph if you didn’t just skip to this.

Now you’re probably just going to say, “wow, boring” and put this book down… But you never know what are in the next hundred or so pages, so for me and for the reviewers just keep on’ reading.

I think the best thing to keep you interested would be to just tell you everything that has happened, so I’m going to start from the very beginning. The beginning as in just before I discovered my sexuality.

                             _____11 years old_____



“Ever come on get your booty out of bed!” yelled my mom, throwing the covers off me so I can freeze, one absolute way for me to jump out of bed.

“No… Five more minutes’ ma’” I pleaded searching for my extra blanket I share with my dog.

“You’re going to be late! Your father is going to be here in a half hour and you’re not even dressed or ready!” she demanded.

I play around and close my eyes after giving her that look of “just leave me alone for FIVE minutes” kind of look.

Luckily, to my satisfaction, she does leave and I go back to sleep. Maybe, 45 minutes or so, my mom comes back into my room pulls the covers off and pulls me out of my bed. Surprisingly, she could lift me… Weird… she can barely lift a 5 pound bowling ball…

I reluctantly wake up from my dream, tired from being anxious for today not going to bed until 2 in the morning. Heading to the bathroom after a lot of sitting and staring into space like a moron… My little brother Shawn jumps in front of me and runs into the bathroom locking the door shouting “LOSER!” I grunt because I really need to take a shower, and walk downstairs after much debate. I look at my hair in the many reflections coming off of the pictures down the staircase. It amazed me that it didn’t look like somebody came up to me and doubled gel in my hair to look like a rooster.

I make my way sneakily into the kitchen, holding the swinging door so nobody hears me; I look for something to eat, like a bowl of cookie crisp, while waiting for Shawn to get out of the only bathroom that works in the house. Stupid plumber. I listen for the water to shut off and finish my bowl of disgusting sugar and artificial ingredients, and head back upstairs without anybody noticing. I know my dad will be late. He’s always late. No matter what the occasion is, he’s always late. So mom saying a half hour would be like really saying an hour and a half.

I begin to run the shower water so it’s not too hot or too cold, but rather hotter than cold. I hear my mom shout for me to get downstairs and that my father was here. I shouted downstairs that I needed to take a shower. She yelled back “5 minutes Ever Marie”

         I finish my shower, brush my teeth, put on a little bit of eyeliner and mascara- I don’t think any girl should wear more than that- and head downstairs after I’m ready. Mom is waiting at the bottom of the stairs with my father who looks surprised to see me ready. The expression on his face was priceless, due to the fact that I rarely wear makeup because I’m more for the natural aspect and look. He smiled at me and said, “Wow, my little girl is growing up.” I blush to that because he has never called me his little girl since I was 5… after he left of course. He smiles again and puts his arm around my shoulder opening the front door for me. This is a big surprise because I always imagined him as a self centered loser. I guess after six years, you become a man more than a divorced dad.

         Walking outside I take a deep breath in of the summer air. Our yard being the only one of few that has really green grass and a nice looking house. I take in the aroma of soft basil leaves growing along the side of the house, and the pollen that is roaming around the atmosphere. I’m going to miss summer here because now I’m going to spend a couple years with my father. I look behind me to see the tall six foot four man, brown hair, blue eyes standing there holding my suitcases in both his large hands as he makes his way to the SUV. I wait to climb in the car, for him to open the doors at least, and buckle myself in. The blue and silver SUV fits the perfect car that has a lot of advanced technologies in it. I only being eleven, it’s hard to understand all of this, but I’m more intelligent than most people suspect. I know by just looking at the interior design of the vehicle that my father is filthy rich. Filthy rich as in, he owns a lot more expensive trucks and cars than just this one.

I look at my father with pity because I can see the pain he feels for leaving us. I suck up my pride and say, “Dad it’s okay…. You did what you had to do. I understand. Leaving the family for 6 years was a good way to man up, and now you’re back. Can we go now? Mom is crying and Shawn and Tylar are going to want to come.” Though I knew my words hurt him, maybe he’ll really be in our lives for good. Even though Shawn and Tylar don’t consider him their dad.

         I feel bad for leaving the boys behind. They need me more than ever because mom can’t do it on her own. But I guess leaving them to “reminisce” with my father and make up for six years of lost time, makes them grow up. I mean, I’m going to be 4,562 miles away from the nice sweet town of RedCrois, Nevada. They’re going to have to man up some time, even though they’re only 6.

         He put the keys into the ignition, and turned the radio to station WRX-102.8. The rock station. How did he know? It’s my favorite station. He must have asked mom a lot about me, to know what I’m interested in. I show him no comfort; I’m still upset that he left us for so long. I take out my iPod and put screamo, my most favorite music of all that nobody knows I listen to, and blast it to 51 just so it tunes him out if he speaks and not enough for him to hear what I’m listening to. The headphones don’t go louder than 120 so it’s all good.

         Looking out the window I feel the vibration of the car pull out of the street. The gravel road I am no longer able to see. Soon the sun is closeted by clouds, I think of them as being sad or depressed, and when it rains its tears of those who are crying and suffering. I think about my boys I’m leaving behind, I may be eleven but those kids were my life and now I’m going to be far away from them. I can’t protect them anymore. I feel a tear run down my left eye onto my cheek and down my chin, it dissolves before I wipe it away with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

         My dad is too busy looking at the highway now to notice me, so I gently close my eyes and disappear into my music humming along to the verses I know even though some people can barely understand it. I eventually fall asleep to my song- Alesana-the Last Three Letters. Eventually we stop at a gas station to get some gas, considering there’s about 400 more miles left he obviously didn’t wake me up… I usually can’t sleep in the car…

         “Ever, there’s something I need to ask you.” My father pats me on the leg and shakes me a little. I know this is going to end up all awkward and weird. I sit up and stretch sighing and say, “Yeah? What is it?” I look at him dead in the eyes.

         “Well darling-” He started.

         “Hold up. Don’t ever. Call me. Darling.” I demanded I hated being called that especially of it comes out of his mouth.

         “Okay... Well... Swe- Ever. Will you ever let me in your life?” He choked on his words.

         “No. You need to be an actual father to me and my brothers before you’re ever going to get that satisfaction of me accepting you into my life again.” I turn away. Anger rushing over me, I ball up my fists. “Are you going to get some gas or not?” I say rudely staring out into the dark night; the only lights are that of the gas stations and one other vehicle.

         “Yeah. I’m sorry.” He turns his way, gets out of the SUV and pumps the gas. Opening the door again he says, “Would you like anything? Or we could stop at a restaurant. I saw a sign for the Cracker Barrel about 15 minutes from the interstate.”

         “Restaurant.” I bluntly say, not taking my eyes off the view of the few cars passing.

          He finishes pumping the gas, and goes inside the gas station to pay. He pays with cash like always. He doesn’t use credit cards. I don’t know why really, if you’re responsible with them then you won’t go into debt. But whatever, who’s ever responsible with a credit card or debit card?

         “Okay are you ready to go get supper?” He asked as if I hadn’t already said I was hungry.

         “Yeah.” I turn to look at him and then back at the window.

         After 20 minutes of driving we finally got to the restaurant. The parking lot had maybe a maximum amount of 10 cars. Maybe not even. The place was huge too, the outside had a lit up deck porch that looked like it was from the old western days. There were chairs- rocking chairs- lined up for sale outside, along with a table made of wood that had a checkers game board painted on the top of it. We walk into the restaurant and there was an entire area filled with gizmos and gadgets and games for children to play with while on the road. My favorite thing I’ve always wanted was the foldout piano.

         I had to ignore all the gizmos and gadgets considering my stomach was about to explode from hunger (yes that’s possible). My father told the waiter person smoking free section. He’s a demand smoker; I’m surprised he didn’t say smoker section. Continuing to the booth which was covered in what looked like snake skin… How could they do that to an animal? Use them as furniture!? The woman asked my father if he had seen anybody lately with blonde hair and blue eyes with a freckle on the right cheek. She sounded frightened; the look on her face was as if she was hoping nobody saw the person. My father asked her, “Well’ ma’am is this person a man or a woman?” he asked sternly as if he were the sheriff around the town.

         “It’s a he… He’s my step father…” she sounded too scared to even say the words stepfather.

         “Alright, ma’am I will keep a look out for him.” He said with confidence.

The woman then said, “I will be back in a few minutes to check if you are ready”

I nodded my head and just stayed quiet. My father too, nodded his head and looked at the menu.

“Do you know what you want sweet pe-” he stopped himself from saying the rest. “I mean, Ever.”

         “I’ve been here more times than I can count.” I said with a fake smile. “Mac and cheese with a cheesy biscuit.”

         He laughed and said, “I’ll go with that too then. There’s too much to choose from.” He coughed and the smile disappeared from his face.

         After a while of sitting and drinking water, the waitress came back and asked us what we would like to eat and drink. We both ordered, I ordered my Mac and Cheese with a Mountain Dew, and my dad picked that with a coke.

         15 minutes after, she came with the food. Considering that there were barely any people there, our food came quite fast. I thanked the waitress for such a fast service and ate my food as if I haven’t eaten in three days. My father started to eat to, watching my movements as I dug into the Mac and Cheese.

         I finished my food within five or so minutes of starting, drank half my mountain dew and belched louder than a “young lady” would think of belching. I made a big sigh and pressed my back against the side of the booth, feeling the buttons from the not-so-comfy fabric I was sitting at. I look at my father and start to laugh. He stares at me almost ashamed. I shrug and look out the window. The waitress comes back and gives dad the bill. I pulled out my wallet and handed the girl a twenty dollar bill and she looked at me and smiled almost bowing to me. She took the bill back and dad put his leftovers in the Styrofoam box she had handed him.

         “Ready to go Ev’,” My dad asked me as he slumped the leather jacket over his broad shoulders.

         “Yep.” I thought for a second… “Can we get dessert? I’m probably going to get hungry later.” I said with a stern smirk on my face. I knew he would because he knows he wants to get on my good side.

         “Yes, you can get one dessert.” He held up his pointer finger as if I didn’t conceptualize the word “one” yah know?

          I bit my lip and looked through the astonishing long assembled line of dessert that mom never let me see because it would be, and I quote, “a disaster times three-trillion hurricanes that tumble over a small deserted town.” I chuckled under my breath thinking about her, and then it became more of remorse because I miss her so much, along with the boys…

         “You know what, I think I’m going to pass on the whole, uhh... dessert thing. Mom would get mad if she knew I got dessert.” I said shakily still thinking about them.

         “Awe come on Ev’, you know you want the dessert so just pick something out. And, you’re living with me so she won’t know.” He said trying to persuade me, which was working.

         “Fine. I want the mile high ice cream cake with a side of mud pudding.” I said smirking wondering what he’d say.