The Mutt

“Nice, um, dog.” I couldn’t help but to stare at the poor mutt. Reddish brown fur covered most of his lanky frame except for the patch of stark white on his breast. One eye sagged a little, and the ear on the same side seemed to be missing a sizable chunk from the tip.  He had a goofy grin, and one of his canines was missing. His tongue hung out from the side, draped lazily across the hole left by the tooth. I didn’t know whether to feel repentant for the poor pup or give in and laugh.
“Nice isn’t he?” Gerald crossed his arms over his chest in his I-did-it-again look, the one that usually meant I-screwed-up-again-but-am-too-stupid-to-know-it.
I patted the mutt on the head. “Where’d you get him?” I couldn’t answer yes. Better to avert the question at this point. I scratched behind the mutt’s ears and he licked my hand with his droopy tongue.
“The pound.” He smiled. “He was hours away from the”-- he covered the mutt’s ears and whispered—“the chamber.”
Gerald’s child-like innocence always gets to me. Tears sting the back of my eyes and I remember when I had to make the hardest decision of my life. “I’m glad you could save him.” I scratched behind his ears again then patted his head. “I’ve got dinner on the stove, Gerald. Enjoy the pup.”
He looked at me as if I’d just knocked the wind from his sails. “But.” Hurt registered in his eyes. “I thought you’d like the dog.”
“I do.” How do you explain to a child the haunting feeling of putting a beloved friend to sleep? The guilt still consumes me at times even thought the decision was the right one. Even after all the years I can’t look in the eyes of a dog and not see the blame.
Gerald’s eyes softened. “I thought maybe we could share him. When I work on the weekends maybe he could come stay with you.”
Dogs. How did they always know how to get to you? “That’s very nice of you, but—“I made the mistake of looking in the poor mutts eyes. I reached down and buried my fingers in his fur again. “He is a nice dog.”
“And they were going to”—He leaned in to whisper again—“ put him down. We’re saving his life.”
I smiled. Maybe I was giving in to help save this poor puppy’s life, but it felt more like he was saving mine.