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Rated: E · Assignment · Other · #1747673
Checking for repeated information and supplying new traits.
Instructions:
1. Make a note every time you find a repeated action or character trait.
2. Next to each, write a different action to show the trait in question or add a different trait entirely.
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Original
Added

Beginnings Scene
1. You got a smile that jist lights up your face that face of yours. (Pa) This is recalled 3 times in different manners. I may have alluded to this aspect of Kid, but by golly he needs a bit of something to light him up.

Memphis Scene
2. Kid took a deep breath and his left eye twitched as he spied the sheriff’s office…..Kid’s eye twitched again as he urged Buck on.

Kid reminded himself to be calm as he approached the sheriff‘s office. Dang that trembling eye……Kid’s eye twitched again as he urged Buck on. Kid turned Buck and urged him on down the street. Kid’s shoulders sagged in relief.


Beginning Scene

3. "Kid, git your lazy ass moving and git to hoeing that garden! You ain't got but two hours 'for you gotta be back at work. Damn! I curse the day I birthed you.” She shook a dark, weathered fist at her son.

Kid, jolted from his memory, turned to see Ma advancing on him like the Rebel calvary charging into battle. Kid prepared to duck her broom. His left eye began to twitch. [The eye twitch will appear throughout the story. It is involuntary for the most part although he does try to corral it at times]

“No, no! Not like that." Ma sprinted across the dusty yard waving her broom and looking like a screeching banty hen. "Do I gotta show you ever thing?"

Kid gripped the hoe so hard, his knuckles turned white. He turned so that his back was to Ma.

"How many times I gotta show you how to weed? Or sweep a floor? Or anything else? Most boys would be proud to help their poor old ma.”

She grabbed the hoe from Kid and hit him on the leg. He cowered away as much as he dared, rubbed where she’d popped him, and gritted his teeth.

Digging into the weeds with a fury and throwing the dust ever which way, Ma Barlow displayed that Spanish anger that ran through her veins. “Like this! You see how I do this?

Kid glanced at Ma and fisted the hands behind his back.

You’re a good fer nothing, low-down, lazy….”

….“How's this, Ma? Better?” His words are low and without inflection.

“It better be. If'n you can't use the damn hoe, then sit down in the dust and use your stubby little fingers! I don't care how you git them weeds out, jist have them out by the time you leave for the livery stable.”

“Yes'm.” Kid’s cheeks filled with the captured air in his chest. He expelled the air slowing like a pressure valve being released…..

…..“Yes'm.” God, when do you reckon You’ll send sign to leave Hickory Ridge and Ma? It’s already 1888, I'm twenty-four, and Grover Cleveland's been nominated fer President. I don't want to be no President, I jist needs to get away. Could you think on it a bit when you git time? Kid turned back to his weeding and slapped at a mosquito trying to dive-bomb the right cheek of his baby face.
[Kid’s reference to the sign or good and righteous sign will be used throughout the story, for it will be important at the end.]

Memphis Scene
4. Kid looked up into the clearing skies. He leaned over Buck, patted the horse’f neck, and went to find a livery stable.

As the sun began chase the clouds away, Kid leaned over Buck and whispered in his ear, “Let’s go find you a proper place to stay.

Memphis Scene
5. Kid checked out every stable in Memphis making sure he picked the best for Buck’s stay. When he made his decision, he shook out his red bandanna and attempted to wipe the mud from his face. As his left eye started twitching again, he took a deep breath to calm himself and went inside.

Kid checked out every stable in Memphis making sure he picked the best for Buck’s stay.
Dismounting, Kid shook out his red bandanna and attempted to wipe the mud from his face. “Well, partner, looks like Murray’s Livery, Feed, and Blacksmith Establishment will fit the bill. What do you think, boy?” Buck neighed softly. Kid squared his shoulders, put on a lopsided grin, and told his eye to be still. All ready. He caressed Buck’s nose and went inside.

Memphis Scene
6. “Well, Mr. Murray.” Kid prayed his eye would stay still. “I’ll pay you double for the best stall, care, and feed you can provide my horse for the next five days. I don’t trust him with anyone, but I can see you are a fair man and run a nice, clean livery. I think I can trust you.”

“Mr. Murray, Kid prayed his eye would stay still. I’ll pay you double for the best stall, care, and feed you can provide my horse for the next five days. I don’t trust Buck with jist anyone, but I can see you are a fair man and run a nice, clean livery. I think I can trust you.”






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