Disillusioned

Every inch of the sky had brushstrokes of blue.  Rays from the sun brightened the outside with joy and calm.  Winds swirled with smooth coolness and crisp hope.  The hope themed and twisted through the trees but stopped just outside a black house where shouting emanated with wood cracking force. 

The dark home was surrounded by dead plants.  Mainly dead roses because they were Susan’s favorite.  She tried to be a gardener and bring life, but her green thumb turned black only creating death.

“He has to stay,” shouted Brenda as she breathed fast and hard out of frustration.  Her chest rose quickly in her sunflower dress.  Her choice of clothing seemed to brighten the home’s dark persona.

“He is allowed to go if he wishes,” Susan said calmly.  Her clothing dark, if not darker, than the home she owned.

Her husband, Greg, stood behind her silently with folded arms and a brown shirt, pants and matching shoes.  He hardly ever spoke and he cowered when shouting happened around him.  Interrupting two stubborn women in heated battle did not feel like a smart thing to do.

Eli heard the morning ritual shouting from upstairs.  Every morning that he woke up he would hear the yelling and screaming of his mother and girlfriend.  They were both stubborn and would never change their minds.  Eli believed that if his father picked a side that the double teaming would force the other to concede.  But his dad wanted to keep peace and siding with either would disappoint the other.  So he stood in the background and hoped they would forget he existed as they argued, and they did. 

Even though Eli woke up to shouting it did not ruin his mood.  He looked at his watch and read the numbers to himself 25:21:25:45.  Plenty of time to get things done before he had to leave.  His choice was final no matter what anyone said.  They all knew his stance and that is why they never tried to stop him.

Eli, though awake, closed his eyes and waited and waited and waited…

“Good morning sunshine,” Brenda said as she floated into the room with her sunflower dress.  She walked around and opened the shades.  The sun danced its way inside filling it with joy, calm and a pinch of peace.  She walked over to his bed and looked down at him and showed her white bright smile.

Eli opened his eyes and looked up at her to return the smile.  The sun sparkled in the morning sky like a resilient force of positive.  There was no better time for him to see his sunflower than first thing in the morning, of course it always happened this way.

She leaned in and kissed him on the forehead then pulled back.  She said, “What are your plans for today?”

Eli sat up in the bed and looked at his very beautiful girlfriend and wished they were married.  He wished that she was the first thing he’d see every morning upon opening his eyes.  Her lying next to him is something he dreamed about.  Just not right now.  Right now she had asked him a question.  The same question she asked him every time she came up to his room and saw him awake. 

“It depends on what I got from UPS,” said Eli as he got up and stretched.

“As you know,” said Brenda, “the box is still by the front door.  They delivered it earlier this morning.  Also that brought along another spat with your mother who insisted that you should go and I, of course, stated that you have to stay.  I know you want to stay.”  She looked at Eli with bright eyes and asked, “So where is it today?  Where will you be going?  Don’t you have a clue?”  She moved in closer to Eli.

“It has something to do with what you’ve read to me,” said Eli as he walked through his bedroom door. 

“You actually listen to what I read,” said Brenda.  “You should tell me that next time you talk to me.”

“I just told you,” said Eli as he walked down the stairs.  He halfway expected, as he did every time, to see his parents downstairs, but never did.  Every morning that he woke up he would hear his mother, but he would never see either his mother or father.  He had no idea why he would get excited to see them.  It must have something to do with having some hope in change of heart.

Brenda followed Eli down the stairs.  The colors of the home were very bland especially the stairs.  So when Brenda followed Eli down it was as if Eli were being followed by a ray of sunshine.  It made him smile, forgetting that his parents were nowhere to be seen.

“I know,” said Brenda.  “But I told you to tell me again.  Just remember it.  I’m sure I’d like to know.  You know I would.  That’s why you keep telling me.”

It would be easy for Eli to be confused by what Brenda said, but he was used to it by now.  He had to be. 

“So,” said Brenda as she stopped at the bottom of the stairs, “what did your parents tell you last night?”  She then quickly corrected herself, “I mean the last time you remember.  Not exactly last night.”  She did that because he had not seen them last night.  It had been, according to his memory, ten days since the last time.  That happened sometimes.

Eli shrugged and opened the front door.  He saw the package addressed to him sitting on the front porch, big, brown and far to heavy to pick up.  He had to waddle it sideways so that he could get the big box inside.  After walking it inside, he pushed it into the living room. 

Brenda handed him a knife.  He used it to open the package.  As he looked in he answered her, “They just told me the same thing they always tell me.”

“They tried to convince you to go, didn’t they,” Brenda asked as she plopped herself down on the couch.

Eli said, “Yes of course, but you know it’s not they.”  He looked in the box and pulled out a surfboard and a wetsuit.  His smile expanded.

“He never says any different than her,” Brenda said frustrated.

Eli kept his smile over the surfboard and replied, “But you can see it in his eyes.”

“How much time,” Brenda asked.

Eli looked at his watch and said, “25:20:30:12.”

“Plenty of time,” said Brenda.

Eli nodded.  He closed his eyes and breathed in the ocean air.  He smiled again.  He had not remembered the flight there.  But he looked down and he had his wet suit on and the board in hand.  He turned and looked and there was a man standing next to him who greeted him.

“You ready?” The man asked gesturing toward the ocean.

Eli assumed that he was the teacher.  He had just taught him how to surf because a whole bunch of information filled his head about surfing.  Eli replied, “Yes I am.”

The man pointed at his watch and asked, “How much time?”

“25 days.  17 hours.  13 minutes.  10 seconds,” said Eli.

“Until?” The man asked. 

“Until I leave,” said Eli as he looked out into the ocean where the waves played like children during recess.  They were large but they seemed tame.  He saw other surfers enjoying the afternoon waves and laughed a bit as the sea breeze brushed up against his face.

“Leave?” The man asked confused.

Eli nodded.  “Yes,” he stated matter-of-factly, “I have a limited time here.”  That made him remember how much time he had spent.  He remembered that the countdown had, at one time, been 102 days.  To see it dwindle filled him with excitement and solid hope.

“Don’t we all,” said the man.

“Yes,” said Eli.  “It just so happens that my time is shorter.”

“Lucky,” said the man as he looked at his watch.  He showed Eli.  It had a sideways eight on it.

“Sorry,” said Eli.

“Don’t be,” said the man. 

“What is your name again,” Eli asked.

The man grinned.  “Why do you care?  I just taught you to surf.  I think that is gift enough, is it not?”

Eli nodded and then said, “Yes, but I will see you again.  I could do something for you, because I’m leaving before you.”

The man stood there with a hand on his waist and one on holding his board upright in the sand.  He said, “Sure.  My name is Rodger.”

“You think about a message,” said Eli.  He then lifted his board and ran toward the ocean.  He threw out the board, caught up with it, he climbed on and started to paddle out.  He took on a wave, jumped on and stood up.  The wave gave him a sense of calm that he loved.  He took a deep breath as the wave created its own natural cave around him like a nature hug.  He had never done anything perfect as he had here.  Here was nice.  It just was not there. He’d rather be there.

The wave brought him in and Eli stepped off the board.  He bent down and picked it up.  The sun started to set.  He had to get back home.  It had been a great day.

Rodger walked over to him and said, “Betty keeps asking me to stay.  I love her.  I love her more than the waves here or there.  I would leave and never see another wave if I could, but she doesn’t understand I can’t stay.  You have to tell her that I can’t stay.”  Rodger looked up at the sun and then said, “I have to get back to Betty.  She’s going to read to me.  Don’t you love it when they read?”  His eyes glassed over as he smiled.  “I do.  I just wish she understood I cannot stay.  She has to move on and do things.  Tell her.  Please.”  He rested his hand on Eli’s shoulder. 

“I’ll tell her.”  He put his hand out.  Rodger shook it.  Eli thanked him for a great day.  Rodger agreed that it was, indeed, a great day.

Eli sighed as he sat on his bed.  His PJs were comfortable.  He positioned himself under his covers.  He looked out his window and saw that the sun lowered itself down.  It was almost time.  He wished he could be happy when they came, but he never felt as if hope was lost more, than when his parents came into his room, mainly his mother.

“Honey,” said Susan, as she walked in followed by his dad.  She wore a black dress that sucked the life out of any room she walked into.  No doubt taking all the color away that Brenda had brought this morning.  His dad wore something less drab, but still dark: brown.

“Hi mom,” said Eli with no enthusiasm. 

“I wish you’d go,” she said as she touched his head.  His father went around the room and shut the shades hiding the sunset.  He hardly ever spoke.  Eli wished he would. 

“Mom,” said Eli.  “I am going to stay.  25days, 10 hours, 10 minutes and 55 seconds until I get to leave.  Why can you not understand?”

“If your dad would speak he would agree that if you want to let it go,” said Susan as she touched Eli’s forehead slowly as if she cared, “that we would not be at all upset.  We wouldn’t.  Neither would my pocket book.”

“Mom,” Eli said feeling the despair as it filled the room around him, choking any hope.  It stifled his breathing and made him sick.  He wished he could tell them to stop coming in here and dampening his joy and hope, but they wouldn’t be able to understand it or hear.

His mom leaned in and kissed him on the forehead and said, “I love you Eli.  I love you so much.  I wish that things could be different.  That girlfriend of yours doesn’t understand that you are not going to stay.  That the water skiing accident was more damaging than we all had previously thought.”

“I am going to stay,” Eli shouted.  Susan did not react to his drastic change in tone.

Eli thought a moment and then said, “How are the roses?”

She glared at him and replied, “You see them. They are dead.  It seems to me that I have lost my green thumb.  Things continue to die around me.  You’ll be the start of people doing that.”  She turned away from him.

Susan walked out of the room and her voice traveled back and said, “Greg it’s time.”

Greg walked over to Eli’s bed and looked down at him.  Eli looked up at his dad and said, “Dad I love you.  Talk to mom.  Please.”

Greg stared at Eli hard without moving.  He was a good foot away from the bed, but he did not step closer.  He just stared. 

“Dad?” Eli asked.

Greg slowly smiled and walked forward and then quickly stepped back.  He whispered something, but Eli did not hear.  He tried to read his dad’s lips because he said it three more times before his mom shouted for him to follow.  Greg left the room.

As always Eli cried himself to sleep. 

“Eli,” someone whispered.  “Eli.  Wake up fuzzy bunny.”

Eli opened his eyes and the fuzzy had blurred his vision.  He rubbed them clear.  He looked and saw that Brenda was over him with the shades already pulled.  She was wearing the very lovely sunflower dress that she always wore.  He sat up confused because he had not heard Brenda and his mom arguing.  He had awakened when Brenda said his name.  Something was not right.

Eli looked at his watch it said 4 days, 9 hours, 2 minutes and 8 seconds.  So much time had elapsed, more so than had ever passed previously.

“How much time,” Brenda asked. 

Eli told her.

“Good,” she said.  “You will stay once you go.  You have to stay.  I have said that over and over again and I can’t seem to say it enough.  You know if you go we can do everything we’ve always done.  I love reading to you.  I love reading about surfing and parachuting and the like.  I really do.  I just want us to do those things instead of me reading about them.  So when you go you’ll stay and we’ll stay.  Your mom just doesn’t get it.  She doesn’t.  Did she tell you about her roses?  They are dead, still.  She is spreading out her claws to other things.”

“She is my mother,” said Eli slowly feeling the dryness of his mouth.

“I’m sorry,” said Brenda.  “I know.”  She looked down at her feet as she took a deep breath.  She changed the subject, “UPS box is here.  Is it weird that they know of the days you are to be awake?”

Eli never really thought of it like that.  He’s been getting them for the longest time.  He just thought they placed the box out there and told him it arrived when he woke up.  Guess not.  Eli sat up in the bed and his tummy rumbled.

“I’m hungry,” said Eli.

“I know,” said Brenda.  “I can’t do anything about that.  Your mother’s decision.”

“Can’t you fix me something,” Eli asked as he held his stomach as it rumbled, again.  “Something to drink, even? Very thirsty.”

“You know I cannot,” said Brenda.

Eli walked down the stairs with Brenda following.  Eli avoided the front door and headed to the kitchen.  He saw the door was locked and he tried to kick it, but the door did not even budge or shake with each attempt.  It was like the door was made of bricks.  Eli grunted.

“Don’t bother,” said Brenda.  “You might as well just open your box and continue as you have been doing for so many months.  Why change?”

“Because,” said Eli, “I’m going to be leaving soon and I can’t leave if I’m hungry.  It won’t work.”

Brenda smiled and said, “Please just do as you have been doing.  Why change now?”

Eli closed his eyes and twisted on his heels.  He opened them and smiled broadly.  He walked to the front door and opened it.  He pulled in the box and used the knife.  A backpack with the word parachute, a bright blue suit and a helmet were inside.  He pulled them out.  The room spun and he closed his eyes.

Eli’s eyes slowly opened as he saw a woman kneeling in front of him shouting.  She was not shouting rudely but because the surrounding air rushed in like a flood, whispering would not work.  She was asking him if he understood what he had to do. 

Eli just nodded.

She then said, “How much time do you have?”

He lifted his watch and looked at it and then showed her.  4:5:55:34.  She patted him on the back and showed him hers.  12:22:20:40.  She was trying to tell him that he was lucky by the pat.  But for some reason he did not feel lucky any more.  He felt hungry, so very hungry and thirsty.  Something was not right.

She said, “It’s time.”

He stood up and pulled the goggles over his eyes, walked over to the open door and felt the wind blast into the cabin.  He took a deep breath and then looked out the plane.  He looked at the man who gave him a thumbs up.  Eli jumped out of the plane and laughed as the wind blast him in the face.  He waited the allotted time and then pulled the cord.  The jerk he felt was hard and comfortable, oddly.  As he floated toward the earth he knew his mother had beaten his girlfriend.

Eli felt more tired than he had ever felt previously.  He did not know if he could hold on for his parents to defy his mother and silently pled his father.  Eli tried. 

He saw the door open in the shallow light that floated into the room.  His mother whispered, “It is for your own good.  You have to go.”

Eli wanted to say something but he could not.  He felt weak, mouth too dry.

His father walked in.  Eli could hear his mother’s muffled objections.  Greg walked closer and then he sat on Eli’s bed. 

“Son,” said Greg softly.  “Your mother is wrong.  You have to stay.”

“4 more days,” Eli pushed out his mouth.

“I cannot help,” said Greg.

He was right.  Eli could not think of why, but he knew he was right.  Greg whispered words but this time Eli could see the lips moving, “I love you my son.” 

Eli looked at Greg’s clothes, his dad’s, and saw that he was wearing a blue shirt.  It was hopeful.  Eli felt a hug out of nowhere.  Eli closed his eyes.  There was pain, pain that knocked him out. His watch continued the countdown fruitlessly for it would not matter anymore.

“He won’t feel pain,” he said.

“How do you know,” said Brenda.  “How do you know how someone feels when they are where Eli is?  How do you know?”

“He’s a doctor,” Susan snapped.  “He knows.  Eli is not coming out of that coma.  He will never come out of the coma and I don’t have the funds to continue it any longer.  I’ve paid for it for 102 days.  102 long days.  I cannot fund it any more.  I have a life.”

“It has NOT been 102 days,” shouted Brenda.  “It’s only been 98.  If you are going to state it’s 102 then go the full 102.  Don’t stand there and lie.”

“How many times,” said the doctor, “do I have to tell the both of you that he can hear you yelling at one another.”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Susan.  “He’s never coming back.  The feeding tube has been removed and in 3 days he’ll have passed.”

“You’re so cold,” said Brenda.  “So cold.” She started to cry and walked out of the room sobbing. 

“It’s a good thing he was smart enough to allow me to have the right to decide what to do with him,” said Susan.  “If he had left it up to his airhead girlfriend he would be sustained by tubes for the rest of his life.  What a waste.”  She flattened her black dress out a bit because static had made it cling to her leg.  She walked out.

Greg said nothing.  He turned and looked at Eli and whispered, “I love you my son.”

“Sir,” said the doctor.  “You can keep him hooked up.  You are his father.”

Greg shook his head and said, “Not legally.”  He walked out.

The doctor headed into another room on his daily rounds.  He walked over to Betty and said, “How is Rodger today?”

“I think he’s dreaming of surfing again,” said Betty.  “I think today is the day he’ll wake up.  I just know he will.  I’ll wait forever if I have to.”