Darkness

I am a city girl; I have been born and brought up in the city. And among all the good things about cities, I love the fact that a city never sleeps. Even in the dead of the night you’ll find a bus to leave you at the railway station (or, the airport, for that matter). And the ever constant power supply! It was always day-time in my city, with all the lights and the loudspeakers blaring out the latest Bollywood songs. And so, ever since childhood, I loved light and hated darkness. I loved the sunshine and when the sun wasn’t there, I had my fluorescent lamps making the darkest of night the brightest day.

And how afraid were I of the dark! I remember, when I was a small child my cousins would lock me up in a dark room and make scary noises! And I would cry and cry out of fear till someone would take me out of that room. Darkness stood for all that was unknown to me, and what was unknown was the most fearful. And so, I always hated darkness, until one storm changed my whole outlook towards it.

It was an April afternoon. Given Indian climate, the previous few days had become unbearable, which the mercury rising as high as 42 degree Celsius. There were no clouds to be seen. The leaves of trees refused to move, and when the electric fan moved, it made the room even hotter (we didn’t have an air cooler then). The soil had become hard and cracks dominated every inch of it. If you went out you’d be drenched with sweat in 2 minutes. If you were at home you’d choke with the heat. Nights were sleepless and days were peace-less. In short, it was all hell rolled into one.

But this afternoon was different. It was hot still, but the sky looked darker than usual. I was out on my balcony, watching large chunks of condensed moisture cover the sky. But it could be nothing after all. Over the last few days often such clouds had hovered over our grayish city sky many a time, but never had been kind enough to throw some rain on us. Yet, I found myself looking at the sky intensely and hoping against hope that it would rain. From the balcony I found most of my neighbors doing the same too.

And then the wind came! And my God! What a wind that was! I watched the loose soil rise up in swirls, the stray polythene bags rising to the height of our roof, trees bending down to roots and myself holding the railing hard to keep from falling against the strong gust of air. And just then, with a huge crack of lightning, big drops of rain covered the whole place. A sweet smell arose from the earth. It was raining, finally!

Seconds hadn’t passed when I had to force myself into my room to prevent being struck by the pricking, super big raindrops and the strong gusts of wind. The trees were swaying like some spirit had possessed them.

And just then, the entire world sank into a deep darkness. The power was gone! I had closed my windows already, and now with the power gone, it was nothing like I had ever seen in my life. It was the blackest of black, the darkest of dark. As the wild wind played havoc with the trees, the raindrops struck like thorns and thunder deafened my ears. Were it not for my mom who was holding me and calming me all the time, I would have certainly died out of screaming in fear of all the noise and darkness. It was absolute pandemonium.

After what seemed like days (though it had been only hours), the torrent of rain stopped. The thundering became silent. And we opened our windows again.

But outside, it was darker still. Power hadn’t returned. The street lights didn’t glow. And the vague outline of the buildings against the dark sky seemed like the ruins of some prehistoric era.

Every thing around was engulfed in a sea of darkness. I hadn’t seen so much black in all my life. There were no loudspeakers to be heard, no TVs to be seen and no computer games to be played.

My neighbors were all talking about the storm. All of them were happy, for it had finally rained. No one seemed to care about the power cut. Only I felt that a large sheet of darkness approaching towards me, as if determined to cover my whole world. And there was no escape from this.

********************

It was two days since the storm. My world had turned upside down. Power hadn’t yet returned. They said the storm has ruined the wires and electric poles. No one knew when power would return.

In my entire life of 16 years I had not lived two days of complete powerlessness. And not even one moment in my life had I not ever stopped to think what it would be like. Now I knew what being powerless in a modern world meant. There was no TV to tell me what was going on around the world. No radio to play me songs. No internet connection to check my mails. And when I tried calling my dad who was in the US in a one month tour for his company, my cell phone showed battery was low. By the time I finished my call, my cell phone had blacked out. So there I was, cut off from the rest of the whole world, not knowing whatever the hell happened all over the country and how much havoc the storm had created.

Angry tears rolled down my eyes. I threw the phone away. It crashed on the floor. It was my favorite set, but I didn’t care anymore.

Day time was still bearable. Night was what I dreaded. Since the day of the storm, I had slept with my mom in her room. I wouldn’t let her go one yard away from me. All the night I’d chat with mom about this and that, and every conversation came to an end with the mention of darkness.

More days passed. And I was growing more and more depressed. They were working on the wiring, but the storm had been real bad, so it might take few more days for everything to come back to normal.

It was Saturday. Since my phone died we kept my mom’s cell switched off most of the time so that we’d survive on its battery. Mom had just switched it on to call dad when the phone beeped with the number of my grandparents. Mom took the call.

My grandpa was ill. Grandma was alone and didn’t know what to do. She requested mom again and again to visit them.

It was 8 a.m. in the morning. Mom would take the bus at 9 and go visit my grandparents. Then she’d visit the doctor probably and decide what to do next. At any rate, she’d be back by 6.00 pm.

And I was staying home.

After mom left there was nothing much to do. On other days I’d probably be sitting before my computer, chatting with friends or writing poems for WDC, but now with no computer, I was bored to death. How calm my whole neighborhood was! No one played the music system loudly now, no one turned their TVs to full volume…there was an eerie silence all around. And it was so totally uncomfortable. I was thinking all these things only…how my life had changed in these last few days. No contact with the outside world. I didn’t have even access to pure drinking water cuz without power our aqua guard did not function. What could be grosser than this?

I had no contact with my friends, through phone or the internet. Bet they were worrying hell out thinking what had happened to me. And I didn’t have many friends nearby, so all the time I was locked in my home.

Hours passed uneventfully. Later, I took a shower and cooked myself some lunch. After lunch I decided to call mom to know how grandpa was now. I switched on mom’s phone (it still had some battery left) and called grandpa’s number. Mom picked up the phone.

Grandpa was okay now. Granny made mom have lunch with her, so she’d be leaving a few hours later. Yet, she’d make it to home before dusk. I was getting a little nervous as to if she couldn’t reach before evening…I was afraid to face the darkness alone. But she said she’d reach pretty soon. So I relaxed.

Thinking what I might do to use the free time I picked up New Moon from my bookshelf. This was one of my most favorite novels and I hadn’t read it in a long time now. Today was a good day to go back to Mr. Edward and Miss Bella Swan again.

Taking the book and a mat with me I went to our terrace. I spread the mat on the roof and lay down on it. Then I started reading the book. Soon I was in another world.

****************

I woke up with a start.

Where was I? I was engulfed in darkness all over again. I looked up; the dark ashen sky stared back at me. What was I doing under the sky? And where was mom?

Oh! What had happened?

Then, too slowly, I remembered that I must have fallen asleep while reading the book. And as soon as the realization dawned on me, a sharp scream escaped from my lungs. I WAS ALONE!!! Alone in this dead wilderness, power hadn’t returned. It was black all around. No sound was to be heard anywhere. I felt as if I was in some empty room with no air. I couldn’t breathe…

I searched around me frantically for the cell phone. But I had left it downstairs! Oh! What was I to do now? If I were to stay here I would surely die…and yet I couldn’t make myself move an inch towards the dark staircase to go down. Again and again, I cried. But it was as if I had lost my voice too. Nothing came out of my parched throat. I was trembling, I couldn’t hold myself anymore. And then, I fainted.

When I woke up I was in my bed…what struck me the very moment I opened my eyes was the tube light glowing brightly in my room. I was almost blinded with the light. Mom was already beside me.

When I was better, she explained that night I all the time I lay under the sky. Mom couldn’t reach home cuz Grandpa’s condition had worsened. When she finally made it to home, I was nowhere to be seen. She rushed to the terrace to see if I was there and found me pale, white and with my mouth open, lying on the floor. She told me later that for a few moments that day she thought I was dead!

Many years have passed since, and lots of changes have taken place in me. I’m a senior executive officer in an American company now. I have experienced so many things in my life, but nothing remains more memorable to me than the last day of that power cut. Cuz though I had almost died with fear of darkness that powerless night, I had forever lost all fear of darkness! And now, I loved darkness as I had loved light once.

I have become almost a nocturnal being!