The Deadline

I miss him…

I guess no matter how much I try to deny it, I’m actually in a state where I'm all wrapped around with memories of him...

It was never going to work. I never wanted it to. Guess that's the reason I even started this affair in the first place. I had been single for more than 5 months since my last relationship ended pretty badly. I got so hurt and I just didn't want to start another relationship again anytime soon.

I wanted to play around, experience letting go of carefully laid out plans and just enjoy the moment with a stranger. That's when I met Him, a foreigner from half-way across the world. We got introduced by a common friend, and he was staying only for a month here. I thought this situation was perfect; he was good-looking, young, and as adventurous as I am. No commitment. No chains. No chance for a relationship to bloom.

Everything was fun and games until it wasn't anymore. There was never a day that we didn't spend together. Sometimes, we would be together the whole day and/or whole night. There are times when we would party like it's the end of the world and there were times where we would dwell in the beach like the world would never end. We would spend hours and hours staring at each other, or surprise ourselves as we realize that we have spent more than 5 hours just talking about anything and nothing at the same time. No, Time just didn't mean anything when we were together. The feeling of shallow joy slowly turned into a deep, rooting sense of happiness when I'm with him.

Unfortunately, time eventually caught up with us and it was the deadline of his stay.

I remembered the moment we said goodbye at the airport. He looked me in the eye for a very long time but it seems to me that it will never be long enough. As he kissed me for one last time, I didn't flinch, not even a single trace of the emotion I truly felt inside was visible in my perfectly composed poker face. I smiled and thanked him with the most casual voice I could utter but as I turned my back on him, tears started welling up, threatening to expose how I truly felt. I had to walk a bit faster and when I heard his voice calling out my name, I didn't look back, restraining the urge to run back into his arms and beg him not to go. We both know he can't stay. He has to go back to finish his degree and I had to remember why I chose to play with fire in the first place. I'm annoyed at myself for actually giving in to my emotions.

In the car, I let the tears fall as I watched the plane fly away.

Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream, my luckless romance. I should have known that this would bring me heartaches, playing with fire can cause pretty nasty burn marks if you stay too long

Now that the deadline is past due and he's already halfway across the globe, I feel empty and a searing sense of impending doom was dawning upon me....I try to think that he’s happy with someone else now, but I will linger on the memories  we had for a long time. It’s my fault; I set myself up for a great fall. Even though falling feels like heaven, hell is what awaits when you finally hit the ground.