An Unfortunate Reality.

What the fuck is going on here? I don’t understand. We sit around for weeks, sometimes even months and years waiting on things that never come around. That’s messed up. I’ve been one of those people for quite some time now. Yeah, I’ve been one of those idiots that tries to grab onto anything slightly resembling a glimpse of hope in a desperate situation and hold on for dear life for WAY too long now. I don’t even know why. Everything is just getting more fucked up by the day. I no longer care, or have a reason to please people around me, so I won’t. I am done giving 110% to someone or something and getting a half assed effort in return. You try to be sensitive and helpful to those around you, you get accused of being invasive and annoying. You open up to someone, they shut you down. You get close to someone, they push you away. You give someone space, they try and talk shit from afar. Word travels faster than people realize, and when they talk about people destroying the reputations they have with everyone around them, they don’t realize the destruction they cause to their own reputation by making such claims. I’m sure no one realizes, probably not even myself, that maybe it’s not the people around us whose reputations are falling apart, but maybe our own, which causes us to accuse everyone around us of fucking things up.

I think the saddest thing about this is that when things start to unravel, it’s like everyone in the world decides to back away from each other and try to destroy people they are supposed to care about. That isn’t how things should be. There used to be a time where people could have disagreements and solve their differences and continue on to pursue the perfect relationships everyone desires. What happened to those days? Is it the fact we have become so comfortable with the people we love that it just becomes okay to regress into blood thirsty monsters just because things aren’t working the way we want them to? Or is this something I’m missing here?

Someone once said “When all is said and done, more is said than done.” I’ve been thinking about that alot lately, because that’s all life is really turning out to be; people saying all these things and following through with maybe half of what they say they will accomplish. It’s just led me to realize how royally fucked the world truly is. That’s why I’ve decided to stop trying to please everyone around me, because reality is, the people you try hardest to make happy won’t appreciate it, and just end up hating you for it. The people you don’t have to do anything for and are completely satisfied with you are the people truly worth keeping around. Nothing or no one should be worth so much trouble.

I find it really hard to explain this mindset I’ve been in for the last few weeks now. I’ve been talking about how I’ve been in the process of rewiring my brain, and for the most part it’s working really well. Honestly, I am pretty hurt and am still seeing red from all these fall outs I’ve been a part of lately, but at the same time, everything around me is awesome, and I’m somehow in this amazing mood. I’m not sure if it’s some sort of mental defense mechanism or what, but I’ll take it. I no longer have a problem removing things from my life that hurt me, but that doesn’t mean my feelings change for people involved, because unlike most, mine are genuine, regardless of weather the feeling is mutual or not. I don’t give a damn how much I’m hated for what goes on in my brain to make me care for certain people the way I do. As much as people hate to hear it, my future will be fucking bulletproof and no one will ever destroy me. Period.

I have big plans. Plans I can’t even talk about right now. But just beware, I am not going to back down, no matter what is there trying beat me down. I will fly through this joke I call my life no matter what the cost. If I cannot do that, I will run. If I cannot do that, I will walk, if I cannot do that, then I will crawl. If I cannot do that, then I have done what I was put here to do. Like I’ve mentioned before, the world we all live in is truly fucked. That’s why I’m leaving it and going to my own. Those who are apart of my new world and life, congrats. You have all earned the right to be apart of it. To everyone and everything left behind, I am really sorry, but I honestly don’t care. I wish I did, but if you guys really don’t care about me, then I will return the favor, no matter how stupid I probably think it is we are no longer involved with each other’s lives.

So I guess that ends my whole whatever the hell this was.

Since I just basically ended this all about moving to a different world I guess I will end this with a simple statement:

I wish you were here.

-Patrick.