My lost love

Nathan and I met on September 13, 2010. Instantly there was a connection. The sparkle in each of our eyes was evident. We began a relationship immediately. We were together every moment possible. We started throwing a paper route together in October to earn extra money for bills. Each of us were to make about 400 per month. He moved in with me from his mom's house in November. It didn't seem to make any difference, we were together all the time anyway. He asked for my dad's permision to marry me and said numerous times that I was his soulmate and lifesaver. Since I was in grad school, he entered college for the first time to study graphic design.

The winter was great. It was awesome waking up every day to my best friend. We would throw the route, then just talk for hours. I knew that I had found the one for me. I dreamt of the day he would propose.

Nathan's birthday was Feb. 16th. I had been planning the surprise for months. However, Valentine's Day was two days prior. And then she got involved.

She was his ex from four years ago. A former drug user, I had heard about her. She left him without saying goodbye. She asked him for money every day to buy more. She had three kids she didn't take care of.

On Valentine's Day, the first time in four years, she messaged him. Saying she was moving back, here was her number, wanted to meet up, etc. I first saw the message. In my heart, I wanted to just delete it. But I knew that I had to be honest with what I saw.

Stupidly, I told him about it. He said he would message her, say that he was with me and we were happy in love. But she kept messaging and I never saw any replies. He was deleting what he was sending to her. On his birthday, I could tell his heart wasn't in it. The I love you 100 times a day, decreased rapidly.

On March 1st, I had the worst day of my life. My car key wouldn't turn in the ignition. Nathan said his brother would come and look at my car after he got off work. I had class that night so they would look at it when I was gone. He also said that they would be going to his mom's house that night. Told me to call when I was close back into town and he would come pick me up. So we kissed goodbye, said I love you and I went to class that night with a friend. Little did I know that would be the last time.

I called Nathan at 10:00 p.m. when I was 10 minutes away to see if he could pick me up at the gas station. I was told no, he had been drinking and that his brother's truck was blocking his mom's car in. Nicely, my friend dropped me off at his mom's house. I was tired, upset and emotional because they hadn't fixed the car and just were drinking. I wanted to go home to sleep a little bit before the paper route that nightI asked how we were getting home. I got no answer so I began walking.

A car pulled up behind me and tried to grab my computer bag and purse. I was able to swing the bag hard enough to knock him over. I ran and called my boyfriend. He came and got me and took me back to his mom's house.

When we got there, I was called a liar, among other things by his drunk brother. Nathan took his side, told me that it was over between us and told me to figure it out alone. I called my mom to borrow her car for the night and she took me home.

The next day, he moved some of his things out. There was no talking about it. He still wanted to help on the route and be friends so I let him and we could share the money. That all changed on the 5th when the ex "showed up" at his mom's house. I had texted him that night asking what time to pick him up. I got a reply of "having fun with my new friends with benefits". I also then got a reply of 2:15, only 45 minutes later.

When I picked him up, I asked him about the text message. I also noticed a large hickey on his neck. I asked him about it and his attitude changed drastically. He said to take him home immediately, I was to be doing the route alone again that night. And he would never help again.

Nathan was nice to me, would talk to me but only when she wasn't around him. The other times, he was being a jerk. She was sending me messages through his name and bragging that she was with him etc. I saw him on the 23rd. He was walking and by instinct I pulled over and asked if he wanted a ride. He said no, looking upset. Said he had a job interview that hadn't gone well. We talked for an hour. Said he was unhappy with the new gf. She had already moved in with his mom and him. Something that I knew that would happen (had a feeling) when she had said she was wanting to move back to the area. Thought it had been moving too fast. One excuse for him breaking up with me was that he wanted to be single for a while. It was only five days before she was back.

He said he would add me as a friend again on a social networking site. Friday the 25th, he did. He added me that morning. We were talking through chat and he said he was looking for a job. I left and was searching on my phone for him. Two hours later, I could not message him a link I found. He had deleted his profile. I called to tell him about the job. I was told to never call again, he would get me for harrassment and to mail him money that was owed from the paper route.

Today is my birthday. I still can't help but wonder what went wrong. I'm hoping someone can shed some light in my situation. I know that I need to get over it. But with this happening four weeks ago, I lost my best friend and love. Someone that I confided in. Had never lied to me about anything, until she came back. Why go back to someone that left you before and hurt you so much? Why wasn't our love real? He told me that I wasn't good enough for him, but she is? She is going to be a CNA, I'm in grad school. I would have never left him. She left him and then came back. Will she again?