Swine Flu Episode 1-Revenge of the Bacon

After many years of humans abusing pigs, raising them in appalling conditions, murdering them in their thousands and generally being extremely unsporting to these little pink chaps, it seems pigs have finally had enough. The media has widely broadcast footage of the high rate of mortality swine flu seems to have. However, having searched google for less than 5 minutes, it seems i am now more highly educated in the mortality of swine flu than these almighty distributors of information. The mortality rate for swine flu is less than 10%, which means quite frankly, if you worry about swine flu, you are undoubtedly an idiot!
Now if i were to worry about anything -and i don't due to my brain being stronger than Chuck Norris- swine flu would be pretty damn low on the list. To illustrate my point, here's a list of things it would be possible to worry about more than swine flu:
-Not being recognised for my undeniable genius.
-Achieving less than Samantha Smith in a Literature exam ( Hi Sam!)
-Chuck Norris losing a fight
-The voices in my head never talking to me again.

So in conclusion..Can we please stop the worrying about swine flu, and if not, I also have a plan. All of these Twilight style vampires wandering around, worrying about people's emotions and so on, could help us in our time of need. Using their amazing vampiric powers they could suck the infected blood out of the aforementioned swine flu sufferer, and due to them already being a race of the undead, suffer no harmful consequences, thus quenching their thirst for emotional bullshit, and their thirst for blood all in one!

Soon the vampires will be joining Bono for world peace festivals.. And on that day i'll be turning over in my grave!