Chameleon

Sometimes you just feel invisible. You feel like in a crowded room that no one sees you at all. Familiar faces, some moreso that others and you sit as a ghost in a chair with not so much as a glance. You don't really expect that you would be flooded by people, but to be noticed at all by a warm smile would make you feel like you weren't blending in with the wall paper. People walk by and if they stop, they stop at a distance so not to confuse anyone by thinking they actually know you. Social status and other frivilous things cloud the vision of so many people until they can't see the forest for the trees. but you smile anyway hiding all of what you feel.

Sitting in a chair you feel like you shrink smaller and smaller until you're not there. you would speak up sometimes, but the words freeze in your throat. If you say a word you will get a look that will leave me questioning why you even tried at all. You do not seek the popularity of the world, nor wish to have a constant flock of people always at your becking call. You only want to feel like a real tangible person that is worth the time to say hello to. You know if you could just get up nerve to speak it wouldn't be the worst thing, may even change things a little, but if you're not worth the acknowledgment of your presence, then your words would be worth even less. You a real person with real feelings. Not rich but still put my pants on one leg at a time just like anyone else.

Feeling like you're not an embarrassment or a hinderence would be so lovely. Feeling secure around the family you love most is essential, yet you feel as if you hold them back. Things you have done or not accomplished keeps your value down in the eyes of others. Why are the important things not really what is important to people?
You try, work hard and yet nothing. Struggle, cry, and beg and plead for relief, yet tarry in the depths of a valley that is covered in ice all the way around. No getting out, and if you do it is short lived. Why? Must I suffer all my life for things I have done or is this just my lot? It's confusing to think that other people that don't put forth a fraction of the effort you do, succeed. Not meaning to have the wrong attitude, but trying to be honest with myself.
I don't think I deserve all the best in life, nor do I expect it. There are people that would snicker at my hurt and sleep peaceful at knowing that something somewhere was wrong for me. So I stay quiet. I do nothing and I pray for their happiness.
I just wonder what makes some people visible and others invisible. I'm not depressed, I just question circumstances I experience and/or see. Folks are quick to assume that there is a problem, but there isn't. Some things you realize and want to improve on simply aren't pretty. They are ugly, heart wrenching and difficult. People are suffering, they are silently fighting lifes inescapable battles, and we can drive the nails that much deeper by not even seeing them because our nose is stuck up way too high. Galations 6 discusses people that that. No one is better than you and you are not better than anyone else.
I hope I never make anyone feel like this, no one deserves that. People don't realize that their actions and lack of actions can have profound effects in the lives of others. May I be more observant to my surroundings so that I may help another feel loved, special and valuable. My goal is to leave the world better for me being in it, and this is great area to improve on.