Vulnerable and Oblivious

I sit here swiveling my spoon in a steaming cup of tea with a light smell of lemon and cinnamon surrounding me.  The sun is shining just enough on the computer screen to allow me to see with comfort and minimal squinting. In this moment I am satisfied.

These last few months have been nothing short of exhausting, therapeutic, incredible and utterly eye-opening. It’s funny how things seem to align themselves all together as if to organize all the troubled bits together in a row for you to sort out, perhaps that’s why we become stronger. 

Just last week, I found myself driving home from work, the work day was full and busy with stresses, challenges and moments of comedy but whilst driving home I felt the urge to grab the wheel tightly at 10 and 2 and shout out “Bring it on assholes, just bring it the fuck on!” I suppose this had to do with the cluster of what seemed to be too many complexities to deal with at once, or perhaps I had simply had enough and needed to yell out as if to have someone hear me, tell me to pull over and then ask me how I am feeling. Well thankfully that didn’t happen as in that moment when you hear “How are you, are you okay, you look sad etc” that’s when the flood of emotion would have poured out.

It’s the moment I find myself the most vulnerable.

I often see myself as very optimistic, I used to re-iterate that things can always be worse- which is certainly true and that the strength for overcoming whichever it is that all of us face becomes the beauty in it, even when we can’t see the beauty at the time. 

My journey today is to find the optimistic in all that is good but most importantly all that is painful and tell myself that however oblivious I might be at times, or however vulnerable I subject myself, I am happy with the person that is me.

I now sit, with my Tea half empty- and I am more than just satisfied.