Biggest Regret

Look into my eyes.

Tell me you love me.

Make me believe every single word vacating your lips.

Your pick up lines making me melt.

Boy, you knew exactly what to say when to say it.

You knew exactly where to touch when to touch it.

At least, that's what I thought at the moment.

But, now here I am to foreshadow the broken past.

Here I am to apprehend the fact, I gave you my everything.

The part that kills me the most is, you let me.

You watched me crash and burn for you.

You watched every step I took just for you.

You watched every change I made just for you.

You watched me crumble to pieces.

I was probably your favorite reality tv show to watch.

You never had to wait for my show to come on though.

Just tell me to do something and I'll do it.

And those ugly eyes will watch...

And watch.

Losing myself completely.

Fixing myself to perfect to your expectancy.

I tried being myself with you, I really did.

It was never good enough.

You meant so much to me I didn't care if I acted like your dream of a girl.

As long as you'd stay.

That feeling as if I'm on top of the world.

That high feeling you get, although drug free.

That feeling of being loved by someone other than your family.

Knowing that they CHOSE to love you.

Yeah, that's what I lived for.

I didn't care if I was a complete and utter fake.

When the day finally came and you found someone new.

Probably someone real to you.

Probably someone you didn't need to adjust.

Probably someone that fit you consummately.

That day, you ended what we had.

When time passed and I overcame the numbness fulfilling me.

That's when everything was made crystal clear to me.

I constructed a whole new 'me' for someone I thought would complete my life.

In reality all I did to myself was create a great challenge in finding who I truly am.

& I'm still searching...