The Beginning of the End for Man

  It sat there in its plastic double wrapped packaging. Round and full of delicious creamy promise, it sat there true to its nature. Unwrapped, naked to the light of day, and yet it lay upon the plate of its final resting place. It’s true nature hidden by its soft white coating. Tantalising and titillating, still it lay there unobtrusive and portraying an air of innocence, it certainly didn’t have any right to depict. A pâté knife hovered nervously above the mouth watering tidbit of antiquity. The knife bit one, two, three, four times into and through the delicate soft white coating and the creamy flesh within. Soft almost reverent oohh’s and ahh’s were uttered as the gooey substance oozed over the plate and the crackers each morsel was placed upon. “Yummy, yummy bubble gummy,” issued forth from the most affluent of the men present. The mouthfuls of potential creamy bliss are moved reverently from their place of preparation to salivating, quivering mouths. With a crunch and a squish, once rapturous faces expecting a delicate morsel turn to horror as a sour, bitter flavour assaults eagerly awaiting tastebuds. Three expectant mouths spit out the pungent paste, but the damage is already done. As the small group attempts to rid their abused tastebuds from the horrid tang, the remaining piece of camembert begins to multiply tenfold. Within seconds there are a thousand such morsels all parading as delectable tidbits. They clump together and meld into one large camembert a thousandfold larger than the original. The group, already horrified at what they are witnessing, takes a nervous step backward. The thousandfold camembert commences to split apart into separate entities only to meld once more into one organism. Five terrifying minutes later the thousandfold camembert is a thousand times larger. The very agitated group of would be devourers is backed up against a wall and are anxiously casting about for an escape route. However the thousandthousandfold camembert is so enormous it is obstructing all possible exits. A high pitched whistling, sounding so much like air escaping a car tyre, fills the small room with its ear splitting resonance. The stench of the onetime snack assails the nose scorching nostril hairs and membranes. Blood trickles freely into once expectant mouths. Just when the sound couldn’t possibly become any louder it changes pitch to pierce already abused eardrums. Blood begins flowing from already abused ears despite futile attempts to block out the din with hands and fingers. The horrendous behemoth commences to vibrate agitatedly all the while assaulting ears and senses. The agitation begins to grow faster and more violent until the whole room is vibrating along with the quivering mass of cheese. Then with one almighty sigh the white coating parts and the foulest most pungent goo spues forth to cover the hapless group head to toe. Cries of absolute dread and agony meld together as the odoriferous creamy entity feasts on the flesh and substance of its would be predators. Within an hour the tortured sounds cease issuing from the partially digested threesome, to be replaced by the suckerating sounds of flesh being liquefied and noisily ingested. Sated by the delectable morsels the gooey camembert begins to shrink and divide into a thousand single cheeses. Within ten minutes there are a thousand camemberts of the exact size and constitution of the original. Another ten minutes passed and the cheeses were securely wrapped in their own plastic wrapper. On the bottom of the packaging in a language long faded from use is a label ‘Property of BioChem Inc. Best before 26th March 2007’. The controlroom vid screen crackles to life.
  “Captain Jeremiah, your documentation has been verified. The automatic docking procedure has begun. Welcome back to Earth Captain. You’ve been out in deep space for nearly three years now, hopefully it was a profitable trip. Arrival logged and dated Tuesday 5th August 2371. Enjoy your stay. Earth Central out.”