Words of wisdom

Words of wisdom

                   

I was a young soldier during my first deployment overseas. Though I was glad to have some distance between myself and my parents. Most adults try to find their own niche in this troubled world. I am no exception to that. What I learned in those months away from home was that life was only complicated if you made it so. We choose to keep life simple or not. This happens either consciously or sub-consciously. I’ve carried these early lessons with me as I’ve launched forward into adulthood.

The conditions soldiers endure has become known as “the suck factor." Learning to live with the “suck” is vital. Otherwise all you would hear for months on end is a bunch of men complaining about the heat, the rain, the rations, the chain of command and the fact that they are thousands of miles away from home. Each one of us in our own way comes to terms with the hardships. Battle time humor is a necessary coping skill. We find jokes in situations of danger that would make the rest of the population cringe. We also find pleasure in the smallest details because all the comforts of life are stripped away.

Late one night I woke for my shift on guard duty. I saw my Sergeant and walked towards him. He’s a man of few words, always seems to have a calm presence. If ever one of us was in need of advice he was the man to talk to. He wouldn't break your confidence or share the conversation with others. I had been thinking a lot about my home over the first four months of my tour. As much as I had wanted to run away from it, I found myself almost lost without it. I knew the Sergeat had a large family at home that he adored. How did he stand being away from them for so long?

I went over to the soldier whom I was relieving.
“Hey Stew -- shift change buddy. Any movements?” He looked tired and glad to be relieved.

“Hey Matt, nah, nothing but some stray dogs. At least they are not barking their fool heads off tonight.” The dogs are also like an early warning sign that something is up. They smell the enemy long before we see them. You will often see a troop adopt one of the stray dogs by offering it companionship, food and affection in trade for it’s impeccable sixth sense.

“What’s Sergeant Morrison doing over there?” I asked Stew, amazed that our crew commander wasn’t on his cot sound asleep. When someone puts a hundred and ten percent into everything, they usually have no problem finding the sandman.

“Is he looking at the sky? Does he think aliens are going to attack our camp?” I looked up and was struck by it’s beauty. I certainly never noticed how fantastic the sky looks when it isn’t dimmed by harassing city lights. There seems to be a millions more stars then what I remembered. The nervous laughter died instantly in my throat.

“Who knows? I'm too worn out to care. Here -- give this to him for me.” He hands me a piece of paper. I didn’t ask it’s content, probably none of my business. I put it in my pocket and headed over towards the Sergeant's position. When I had questioned superiors I ended up spending copious amounts of time doing crap jobs. As a soldier I learned early on to simply do as your told, no questions asked.

I’m sure he heard me coming up behind him. Nothing much escaped this man’s notice. A true perfectionist till the minute he closes his eyes. I’ve never seen anyone so dedicated to life itself. I can only hope that one day I can reach that state of mind. The one where you become confident in your choices.

“Sergeant?” I whispered, not wanting to disrupt his thoughts too abruptly. He didn’t answer. Had he not hear me? I moved a little closer to him. He leaned his head in my direction, keeping his eyes locked on the night sky. He was obviously deep in thought. He had no interest in talking with me at that moment.

“Is someone injured soldier?" He asked, still not looking at me.

“N..no Sir.” I knew what he was getting at and I flush red. I was glad for the cover of darkness to hide my green mistake. Sometimes it felt like I had so much to learn. At times it seemed like I would never absorb it all.

“Is the enemy in sight?” He inquired.

“Uhh, no Sir.” I shuffled dirt around with my boots while I stared at my feet.

“Shh.....” He had put one dusty gloved finger across his lips.

He finally looked me square in the eyes. “Then give me sixty seconds to be with my wife.”

I looked around in confusion. Had the man lost his mind, finally after all these months? I noticed, his rifle in one hand and the other is bare. I didn't see a satellite phone. We had not seen a woman for weeks on end. There wasn't a female soldier in our platoon. We only saw them when we re-supplied or met up with other units. I simply shrugged my shoulders. Let the man have his fantasy. We all needed something to keep us going.

“Yes Sergeant.” Instead of waiting next to him, I decided to give him some space and backed away from him about five feet. I sat on the ground and took a deep breath. Patience is something I had slowly been learning. This man seemed to have almost endless supply. Lead by example, we are often told. Most of them don’t live what they preach. This isn’t the case with him. The only time I saw him lose his patience is when we made stupid mistakes that caused a breach in our security. His job was to lead us, teach us, and get us home safely to our families while completing our jobs. He didn’t want us to risk our necks over something stupid, or his own for that matter. After multiple deployments, he has a wealth of experience for us to draw from.

“Soldier?” His voice had broken the uncomfortable silence.

“Yes Sergeant -- I have a document for you from Stew.”

He extended his hand. I noticed he still had his gloves on. I had often took my own off because of the heat. He did not, unless he was on camp or sleeping. His reasoning was it allowed him to have a good grip on his weapon at all times. I pulled my gloves from my pant’s pockets and put them on. Lead by example.

“How are you doing?” He asked. I”m not surprised by his question. I was positive he could read my body language. We were part of a recon team. Over time you learned to take in every detail available to you. Split second decisions are made by that information, and after thirteen years it was second nature to him.

“It feels selfish to say I miss my family because I don’t have a wife or any children. All I have are over protective parents, a basement apartment and a dog. It seems like it’s been forever since I’ve seen them; It’s affecting me more then I thought it would."

“It’s understandable. You may not be married, but you still have a family and a life you were accustomed to. Sometimes it’s difficult to keep in mind that the missions are only temporary.” He seemed to drift to somewhere else. No doubt thinking of all the time he’s spent away, forcing his family to adjust.

“A good support system is key. We have family centers that are very helpful for those left at home. I can’t help my wife when I am not there, but I can point her in the right direction.” He was referring to the many programs available through the military family resource centers.

“Everything changes, it’s up to us to adjust to those changes as smoothly as possible to avoid unneeded stress on ourselves or our families. Humans can sustain in the worst of environments.”

“Let me tell you the secret that carries our family through the waves of the army life.” His eyes were soft and kind. . He seemed to be madly in love with his wife and he spoke highly of their children. He showed off photos and talked about their many accomplishments. It takes one hell of a woman to stay married to a soldier.

He was about to give up his secrets and I was eager to learn them. Could all my troubles go away with a simple conversation from a man who seemed to have it all figured out? It had in fact changed my entire perception of things to come. They are words I’ve heard before. It was a common quote, though no one ever bothered to explain the depth of those words to me.

“Don’t stress over the things you cannot change. Change the things that you can. Be wise enough to know the difference between the two. My wife and I know that we cannot prevent our deployments. It’s part of the Army, it’s part of who I am. If we can’t change it then it serves no purpose to stress over it.”

“We find ways to be closer and we know all these distractions in our lives are only temporary. We keep our nucleus tight. We come first, always. The children come second. Those who live in our house are people that need to live together.” I remained quiet, knowing there was more.

“If there is a problem there needs to be a solution. Don’t gripe without a solution in hand, Or the desire to find one. The outside world comes last. Never deviate from this. If there is a problem in your nucleus then you need to knuckle down and fix it.” Since he and his wife didn’t argue much I figured he’d perfected that skill.

“See that moon soldier?” He looked back at the moon

“That’s called a crescent moon. It’s my wife’s favorite phase of the moon. It carries a magic in it’s shape that makes people hopeful and that hope seems to transcend time and place. I know that in 8 hours from now, she’ll be looking at the same moon that I’m looking at now.” I look intently at the sky, trying to focus on the larger meanings of it.

“In this moment, I’ve managed to be with her, across thousands of miles. In this god awful place with war all around us, I can still be with her. Nothing can take that from me. The moon isn’t about to go anywhere, anytime soon. It’s a constant in the waves we endure.” I realized the implications of it’s everlasting nature.

I hope one day you will love someone enough to remember this conversation we’ve had and understand what I’m talking about. If everyone was content in their lives, would be in peaceful times."

“I think I already get a good idea of what you mean Sergeant. Thanks."

“Any time Matt. Now--I have a few hours of sleep waiting for me.” With that the he got up and headed towards his tent. He was as calm as ever, but I knew the second his head hit his pillow, he’d be out for the count. He lived so fully in the moment each and every minute of his day that he has no trouble letting his brain rest when it was time. A skill I am still learning today.

The next day I called my parents. A call I had put off for weeks. I even got my mom to put the phone to my dogs ear so he could hear my voice. I was pleasantly surprised when he barked in recognition, and the unmistakable sound from his lick to the receiver. I learned that night that love is about the quiet acceptance of what the other has to offer and what it means to you. Don’t waste the time you do have. Surrender to the waves. If you know how to swim you’ll do just fine.

It’s been four years since our tour of duty together, and I’ve grown since then. We have a mess dinner this evening. I don my dress uniform and look over at my wife, and note how exquisite she looks. I’m incredibly proud of her. Tonight she plans to speak to the warrant officer who was once my sergeant. She’s well aware of the impact that one man can have in the life of another.