Lost and Found

Now I know,
Now I see,
Why you decided to go,
Your decision to leave me.

You went there,
To protect us here.
We should've known you did care,
Thst your love was oh so clear.

Now I finally understand,
Why you put on the uniform,
Why you fought until you could no longer stand,
Why you looked so torn...

When you whispered your goodbye
On our final night.
I should've known you wouldn't lie.
Why did we have to fight?

I should've known!
But...now you're gone...
My heart stopping with an answer of the phone,
How is it that I've gone on?

"I regret to inform you,
Your husbands been shot,
There was nothing we could do."
All I could do...was think of when we fought.

You've been gone so long.
Six months, five days, and three hours
Since I recieved that phone call.
I never knew a death could hold so much power.

Every day,
I stare at the pot, engraved with your name,
With only one thing to say,
Nothing will ever be the same.

Every night,
I hold your picture beneath my pillow,
You and I at our favorite site,
Kissing beneath our favorite willow.

Once a week,
I visit our first place,
Out of tears to leak,
As nowhere is where I see your face.

Every minute,
I think of my finals words to you,
How they caused your silence...
"I hate you."

I never meant it,
You thought I did; Still you loved me,
So said the letter you wrote in your death bed.
Why was I too blind to see?

I regret every fight,
I miss our close moments,
I remember when we snuck out that night,
I hate that our love is now dorment.

What would I have done differently?
There's only one logical answer:
Everything.
At least, that's what I told her.

The woman they assigned to me,
They all saw my pain,
Even your army buddies,
As I stared at your uniform with the blood stain.

What woould I have done differently?
Everything- It doesnt amount to half!
I wouldn't have let you leave me!
...Then this flag wouldn't fly at half staff.

I would've told you how much I love you.
Made it clear you were the only one for me!
...Prevented the fight that happend,
Show you why you couldn't leave.

But we can't go to the past,
Stuck in the torturous present,
The one where our love didnt last,
Where...I've followed your descent.

You would be angry at me,
To know I've followed,
To where you didnt want me to see,
But its the only way the pain will be swallowed.

Now I stand,
Where once you stood,
Uniform on, eyes so bland.
My intentions...less than good.

You would be so mad,
To know why I chose this,
What I want...I know its bad...
Just...I need...one last kiss.

I'm willing to risk life,
To be with you once more,
One night again; Husband and Wife.
My heart no longer aching to the core!

One chance, it's what I've got.
Kill me for mere seconds,
Its the one wish I sought,
to be granted, Since I lost you.

Losing a love to war,
Can make a woman go crazy,
The pain so sore,
Intentions become hazy.

I wished for a single bullet,
One I never got.
Metal and skin never met,
And I realize, all along its the truth I've really fought.

You've been here all along (Protecting me)
Never truly gone (Saving me)
I found you hiding here all along (Watching over me)
With my love in my heart, Im living no longer living lost, (Because you've found me).