%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
She has once again found me..... |
|
The following is a story detailing relapse into chemical addiction. The terms she/her will reference cocaine, and the story will detail relapse. I clearly remember the day she walked back into my life. Oh how I missed her. She was right, I dreamed of her, longed for her bite, and still talked of her, not talking about the bad things she had done to me, but somehow only being able to remember the good times. I don’t know what it is but she has a grip on me. Of course I could not tell anyone I was back with her, they were all so happy I had let her go. They even celebrated one year since I had been with her, but it was a lie. I had been with her the night before. I do not understand the control she has over me. Why do I love her? So much so that I am willing to sacrifice those around me who do not condone of our relationship. She has once again convinced me that she was all being, she was the one. I am once again trapped by her love. She has even gone as far as letting me put her out there to make money to live where no one can find me. She is a killer, a liar, a manipulator and the most evil thing I have ever known, and yet I cannot let her go. Once again, my parents have let me go, because they do not agree with our love. She told me they don’t understand, but is she right? Can they not stand to see what she is doing to me? She has provided for me and numbed me to all emotional and physical pain, she has taken my soul and my being. My soul is gone; my mind is gone. I see the world through her eyes; most people are nothing but pawns in a game I do not understand. She has told me Carpi Diem, or seize the day. She has once again convinced me that this means to celebrate our love on a daily basis, because you never know when our last day together or on earth may be…but I feel she is leading to the end, the walk down the so called green mile, and I am following her like a lost puppy. Do I want to still be with her or not, that is the question I can’t answer. She has introduced me to some of her friends who are or seem just as magical as her, but she knows I always come back to her in the end. I truly love her, but at the same time see I will never be the same, and know on any given day she had the power to take my life, yet I do not care. Imagine that? Is this unconditional love? Or is this all just a viscous cycle? Am I on the same page as the women who are repeatedly beaten by the men they love, yet they do not want to leave him? How did this happen? I have come to accept my fate and my love of her. I know that the end will eventually come, she will snatch my life and I am ok with it. As much as I love her, I do not want to be alive without her. If she is the last thing I feel, the last thing I taste… so be it. When I am gone she will go on….she has done this to many others before she found me. I am not strong enough to live without her. I can say this, I was told not to touch her and I did. I can warn others, but they will touch her as well. I was born to be with her, I was born to be hers….though she is the personification of all that is wrong, she has hypnotized me…. |
: dragonfly Total Displayed: 1 |
Self Deletion: Not Allowed Direct Follow Ups: Allowed Post Limiting: Not Limited
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
