inner Works

As I was serving Suzanne some cheese and a glass of wine, my shin hit the iron base of my coffee table....


  Thalamus: “Send extreme pain via the Central Nervous System (CNS) down the superhighway of the spine to the right shin. Now!”

  Cerebral Cortex to Pons: “What the hell is going on?!”

  “Sorry, misjudged the distance.”

  “Misjudged it! This is where he lives. How could you...”

  “Sorry, sir, but we have a bigger problem, he’s falling right now, face first.”

  Cerebrum: “Hands! Give me an update.”

  Hands: “We’ve released the food tray, sir. It’s flying into his lady guest. The arms are cooperating and we’re now fully extended ready to break the
  fall.”

  Cerebrum: “Left-brain, anything to say?”

  Left-brain: “Just the usual, sir. We went with ‘Oh shit’. Had he been alone, we’d have dropped the f-bomb.”

  Hands: “We have a problem, sir. There’s that pointed statue he keeps on the table. Based on current trajectories, his mid-section may fall directly
  upon it.”

  Testicles:  “Emergency. We are definitely going to smash into the statue. We need both hands down here. Now!”

  Cerebrum: “Overruled. I’m not going to let him damage headquarters to save his balls.”

  Testicles: “Understood. But he wants children. Could we use one hand to save us and the other to break the fall?”

  Cerebrum to Pons: “Try it. Left hand only, subject to immediate recall to the head area if his skull is projected to hit the edge of the table.”

  Cerebrum to Optics: “What is your reading?”

  Optics: “We’ve been wide-open, sir. We’re looking over at his lady friend on the trip down, trying to apologize for the red wine that is splashing into
  her face.”

  “Stop worrying about that and help us with reducing the damage when he hits. Watch for the head first, testicles second. Got that?”

  Optics: “Update, sir. Good news! Looks like his head is going to miss the table and he’s going to fall into her lap. Unfortunately, when we sent the
  right hand to help with the testicles, his sweater got caught on her pierced ear ring and yanked it out.”

  Auditory: “Excuse me, sir, but there is a lot of high-pitched screaming inbound. Can you send the hands up to cover his ears?”

  Pons: “Stay calm. We’re falling again, but it’s not serious. His lady friend jumped up and he is rolling off her lap onto the floor.”

  Left-brain: “We’re trying to apologize right now, pleading for the lady not to leave. It doesn’t seem to be working.”

  Cerebrum to Optics: “Is she gone?”

  Optics: “Yes. Do I have permission to emit tears, sir? They will be an odd blend of pain-release and embarrassment.”
 
  Cerebrum: “Of course.


Word Count 449
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