Where the Desert Winds Carried Us

Whenever a person would have the courage to pick my figure up off the road I would thank them so wholeheartedly (in my head,not aloud) that would cry on the road to "Whereverville" as I kept my gratitude silent.They would all give me that same look of regret and pity, but only one of those drivers who picked me up off the dusty desert roads would keep staring for a while longer and ask me about myself. Namely why I was crying and if I was hungry.
I remember the last ride I had the courage to take was three days after I was evicted from my small apartment once again and that was by sheer accident and luck. By that time I was very tired, dirty, and hungry. This was because even though I had managed to spend all the money in my jeans pockets on cheap,nonsense food at drugstores, it all ended up gone and my stomach was always rumbling.When I met Kaleb Whitener I probably looked like I didn't even eat a thing at all.
It was along one of the roads from the mall to the edge of town (I spent most of my time wondering around malls) that I noticed behind a dark green Jeep behind me.He,the driver,must have saw me glancing at him because he slowed down,almost to a standstill, and followed me while I walked slowly.I felt my heart inside my chest like a galloping horse as I looked back and saw him staring at me behind his tinted windows. In the deadly dry heat of the setting summer sun I heard my temples throb along with my own conscience preaching to me:
"Run,Wilson. It's almost dark and this tough guy stepping out of the car doesn't look like he's going to waste his time chatting in the sunset with of pretty,nameless girls like yourself."
I kept my eyes fixed in front of me at the long,darkening stretch of road that went out past my little town into bigger places like Albuquerque. There wasn't much of anything for miles and miles except for plenty of tumbleweeds, rocks, and weathered mountains. If I didn't eventually face the thing behind me,however could I face the endless highway alone and on foot? There was no other options besides a car ride. it suddenly occurred to me that I was in no shape to face the formidable New Mexican desert. My sunburn that lined the back of my neck was getting worse as more days of aimless meandering through malls and tons passed on. I had developed agonising blisters everywhere that popped,bled,and stung. The more I regarded my pain the more I realised I needed a ride.
"Hey.....Hey,Miss! You need a ride?" A mind reader,I thought.
I turned around very slowly and saw the deep manly voice was coming from a guy who looked no older than me.OK,maybe a year older,tops (which was just shy of 20.) His eyes were shielded by those sunglasses that reflect everything like a pair of mirrors(I'm sure they must have a name),and he was standing by his Jeep with his hands on his hips.
"Do ya need a ride?" His voice raised a bit and again I felt afraid,but I managed to nod yes. Perhaps it was some weird branch of fate or luck like the last ride.
He waved me towards the Jeep and we walked together.One thing I remember for some reason is the way the wind suddenly switched direction so it was no longer in or faces,but at our backs.Our boots made a soft and pleasant crunching noise in the red dirt that was rich with rocks.Then we sat ourselves down into the very dusty seats.He turned the key with purple rabbits foot and the car took it's sweet time to start.Soon we were off down that endless highway with the desert wind whistling along the curvatures of the Jeep. It made a soft whistling sound that I loved.
He said somthing,but I was too focused on how odd he looked for a person who spent even a minute in the desert in his life to catch what it was.I was no country girl,but her looked like what a country girl would call a "city slicker". The shirt he was wearing was some think material and long sleeved,and his boots were black leather.Practical,I thought,but awful warm feeling after a little walking around. (You see,I knew a lot about walking around in uncomfortable shoes these days.) And he was wearing khaki pants that looked brand new. I looked at my clothes that were too small and from a charity bin and felt mortified.
"-but that's just what I'm plannin'."
"What?"
"I said I'm hopin' to make it to Flagstaff by Tuesday,but that's just what I'm plannin."
He took off his sun glasses and put them on the dashboard,revealing a set of huge,green eyes.
It was at that very moment I decided green eyes would always be more handsome than blue.
He looked at me up and down. "You sho' are a scrawny lookin' thang!" He remarked.
When he laughed at me.He must have seen the embarrassment in my face because he stopped laughing and handed me a handkerchief out of his pocket at my watering but not quite TEARING eyes.
"Aw,shucks,do I feel dumb,makin' a Miss like you cry..."
"It's fine," I said handing him back the blue and white checked handkerchief unused, "I'm just a little-"
"Hungry." He said for me, "You are hungry." Suddenly his face lit up a little. "'Fraid all I have is some chips in the back there," He motioned with his head towards the back seats.(His eyes were fixed wisely on the road.) "You can have 'em and the rest of the Dew." His face blushed bright crimson (I believe it was the first and only tough man I ever saw blush) and added: "I hope y'all don't mind..I had a few sips a couple miles back."
While his cheery laughter filled the Jeep for the second time I bent backwards and got the snacks.
At the time I hadn't realised a few things.The first was that even though I didn't feel all too hungry ,I was actually famished.I found that out the moment the first bit of Doritos and the first sip of Mt.Dew passed my lips (which,by the way,I did not care in the LEAST that Mr.Kaleb drank.)In between bites,sips,and gasps for breath I thanked him.The feeling of food and...somthing else that felt warm and fuzzy in my tummy made me feel so content to stay with Mr.Kaleb,just Kaleb,forever.He only nodded,somehow knowing that conversation was useless at the time,and let me finish every bit of his food and drink.
~
"So," He said after the food was gone and his eyes were fixed on the deep sapphire sky, "Which one of us is going to get introduced first?"
I only stared at him.
"Well," He said after a tiny bout of silence, "My name's Kaleb Whitener, I'm 20 years young...if it pleases ya." He scratched the back of his neck with the hand that wasn't resting on the wheel. All at once I became aware of how fragile the situation was,of how we were in the empty plate that was THE DESERT and how childish I looked. Half fed,ripped clothing,scared silent...And there was somthing about the way he was talking to me,as if I was a little girl lost in aisle four of the supermarket without a mommy by her side instead of a young lady of equal age. But as I noticed how LUCKY I was just to be here in his air-conditioned car and how benevolent this guy acted,I eased up.
"My name is Wilson,Wilson Linsdale." I said to the dashboard.
A vague smile in the corner of my eye. "I have a sister in Laredo named Linda but I ain't never heard of a girl being named WILSON before!" He laughed and I didn't feel very hurt by his brand of humor anymore.The conversation was leaning towards making fun of my mane and pointless small talk.We both wanted to know the same thing,where I was going,might as well just say it.
"So,you live in Texas?" I said randomly.It was probably the most pointless question to even an a more pointless answer,but his face lit up like before as he replied.
"Only my whole life! I know that state like the back of my hand because my Dad's source of work...moved a lot. Ain't that a funny thing to say?"
I went shake my head "no" but he went on. "It was true,though. My dad was a true hard workin' man who didn't believe in working with your mind,though my mom did and she made me finish school. My dad dad worked with his hands his whole life doin' odd jobs for people like fixin cars and keepin railroad tracks nice just to keep us fed and clothed." His face turned dark and it seemed like he would stop,although he didn't. In a faraway voice he added: "He actually died only a few years ago..." His voice wavered like how a soloist's voice wavers on the last note of a song with rich vibrato. I was about to add my condolences when he popped back and said "But that was then and this is now...Point is I'm ramblin on about my dad when I'm supposed to tell you,yes,I live in Texas. Proud of it too.Where do you live?"
His words left his tongue and hung in the cool night air like individual, stinging fireflies. They DID sting, they stung my HEART. They stung my heart with an iciness that was alien to THE DESERT because I had no home.Three days ago I had a poorly lit,sweltering hot,bug infested apartment I might have called a place to sleep...but it was only that. Not home at all. Home is where your family is. Where you feel loved, full, and safe from harm. I had never felt those things in a very long time,to tell you the truth.
"Nowhere," I whispered.
It was the word that described itself,.The word that described the flat,desolate desert when "wasteland" and "death-lands" were too poetic.It was the lazy term that described the places I called "home" sometimes,the park benches and soup kitchens,because it was what I was supposed to call them even though they could NEVER be a real home either.
Nowhere.
"You mean..." He never finished that sentence.He only stared past the steering wheel into the dark sky with eyes so wide they it seemed like he was still wearing his sunglasses.
"I'm sorry."
For a certain amount of time (it could have been a few minutes or a couple hours) we sat in the Jeep perfectly silent.Neither of us had the courage ask and answer the questions that we both thought of in the light of the half-moon.However,our faces seemed to portray some amount of our feelings.His smile that was always on until that moment was gone and his eyes had lost their brightness.Just as soon as I was about to apologise for no reason other than to fill the horrible void,he spoke for me.
"Where do you want to go?"
I thought about it and,honestly,for a second my mind was utterly empty.All that I could comprehend was the howling desert winds and white stars that involved us from all sides.They comforted me.I loved them because they were always there...the stars at night and the sound of the wind never changed.Places to stay might change, but the stars and desert winds...the eerie howling like a lullaby and the people you love rarely do.
Unless you let them,my conscience added.
Suddenly I realised that Kaleb might be gone very soon...I didn't want that.Something inside of me wanted to stay here,with him and the desert and the dusty Jeep.
"Can I just...tell you about myself and-" I stopped, "then focus of getting someplace in particular?"
When he looked at me from behind the wheel he looked different than the Kaleb Whitener I first met.This pale,concerned Kaleb did not have that animation in him,The serious Kaleb nodded slowly,very slowly,and said yes as he went back to studying the empty road.
From the time he looked back at the highway to moment I noticed the edges of the sky were completely black,I told him my story because I figured it was...right.I told him about how I was born near Laredo,Texas (and that was not a lie), and fought.I told him how my father was also a no nonsense "work for a living" person.When I told him about how my father's strong,workin' man's hands used to,I fought for the words,hit my mom very hard after a day of working in the hot sun.I told him how my mother and I would cry...and how sometimes I would get hurt.(There was no easy way to put it and I was telling him everything for no reason....Stupid idiot,I thought,but it was to late to stop now.) As I told him all that his face kept as still as a pond on a breeze-less day and I felt a little better.I told him that after about 7 years of that my mother and I left my dad because someone at the little school had discovered my bruises that my father's hands had left.
"Eventually," I said, "my mother and I moved to SaHalla,where I lived with her for another 7 years.It was tough because my mother didn't really make that much money at all...we struggled with everything...."
After I told Kaleb everything he never said anything at all.He never said a single thing until I realised we had stopped in front of a 24-HOUR DINER.
The clock on the dashboard of the Jeep read 1:45.
I wasn't tired.
~
Kaleb said he hated to stop me.Really,Wilson, but maybe a bite to eat would do us both good.After I agreed Kaleb and I walked into the much too bright diner that was placed in what seemed like the middle of the desert.As if the very spot we stood on was any different from where we were fifty miles ago,I though with distaste.All diners were disgusting in my opinion and even while I was truly starving I refused to eat in one.Nevertheless,Kaleb ordered us two cheeseburgers from our booth..
"Well." I began my life story to this friend/stranger again,although it felt somehow...wrong. Awkward. Back on the highway with no one to spread stories but us and the stars it felt easier and natural,but I had to finish.
"My mother and I lived in SaHalla for another 10 years until I was 17.It was almost my 18th birthday when she had a heart attack and....and died." Kaleb nodded and for a moment I thought he would reach out and take my hand but he didn't.
"The years after that are all a blur.When she died....it was just the complete end of the money.The hospital,the funeral,strangers payed for it,mostly.I was 18 and,legally,I was old enough to live on my own.I just wasn't ready at all.I took two jobs but....somehow I made it here."
Our cheeseburgers came delivered by a gum popping teenager in a light blue uniform who must have been the daughter of the manager or somthing.Her black painted lips pouted at us and left behind the aqua,Formica counter into the kitchen.
We never touched out food.Turns out,neither or us needed to eat after all.Instead we left the 50's era diner with Kaleb's money on the table and went away in the Jeep into the endless miles of "nowhere."
"Nobody wanted me." I said out loud, "but I keep on...The only friends I really have are the stars and wind.They follow me no matter how far away I am into the night and how lost I feel....How stupid I sound..."
Kaleb pulled over slowly and stopped the car.I almost cried but our eyes met for a second and he kissed my lips in a soft little peck and said: "I've never met a person like you before,Wilson,and I'm sure not lettin you blow away with this dry,Arizona heat." (Were we in Arizona already?)
"Stay with me.As long as you're with me you won't have to worry about not having a place to call home because we'll have the desert we love and each other.We can travel.We can stay....We'll just go where the desert wind carries us."
I nodded,unaware that I was crying what my mother was calling "happy tears." I had someone who....loved me.That's what that feeling was inside.I hugged him and cried "thank you" (with my voice,not my head) for everything.
And with that we rode down the beaten desert roads through what didn't seem like so much "nowhere" anymore.We rode into the oh so faint desert sunrise,and to the place where the desert winds carried us...
home.