The Past

When totally relaxed

In that moment before sleep

My mind drifts to a time i long to forget.



Im there in that room once more,

I feel the heat closing in,

And suddenly there it is,

His breath on my skin.



Backed into the wall - I just cant move

Immobile through fear,

I know whats going to happen,

I've seen it so many times.



Yet each time I relive it,

It's just as terrifying.



His touch makes my skin crawl

Oh god I feel sick.

Just get it over with!



I try to fight him off

but my body doesnt want to move

No sound escapes my lips,

no matter how i try.



Again and again i see these things

I feel his body on mine

The thought makes me sick.



I wonder

Why was it me?

We were kids for fuck's sake - But why was it me??

I guess you didnt know better,

Just wanted to brag..

But Fuck why me? Now im branded a slagt.



No means No and when i told you, you should have listened

'Cos im the one left scared from this not you!



Every night i sleep i still feel you hurt me

It effects everything i do.

Because of you "friend" i dont want to get close to anyone.

Because of you i push them away.

Because of you i lost my innocence - I didnt 'give' it away!



I spent so long hating you

and it got me nowhere!

Hating you for what you did, just made me relive it more!



I have come to accept the past

but you will never understand

The past makes you who you are.

So yes, What happened happened.

And yes i will never forget

But now i know who i am



You didnt make me that!!