Target Practice: Love Letters

I this folder are my love letters, sharing some very private feelings and making an idiot of my self.

It is on going, semi-secret, half public still-in-denial romance.

So, I wrote a letter he liked (http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1776809-LLtp-13-May-2011) than I wrote another (http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1776810-LLtp15-May-2011), still have no idea how we got in situation he accused me for lying and being a Beast....

This is how I commented it today:


"I’m hurt, sad, depressed, been crying for hours, humiliated, psychotic and I want to kill myself. I hope you are happy and satisfied embarrassing me completely, but before I hang myself on lemon tree I want you to experience how treason and persiflage feels. I don’t care even if you sue me for this and what I am about to do, because I’m dead inside, can’t feel a thing anymore.


You asked me to write you, I did, you ask me to be kind , I was, you ask me to make you a love letter, I done it... and than you show me how you feel about me, you fucking hate me, you want me in pain, you want me to be poor and miserable, ill and unwanted, you want me to burn in hell... my feelings doesn't mean a freaking damn shit to you, you just want to take me off your back and trash me in mud once a day so you can feel good, you are mean and bad person and you deserve all you wish to me, and all I have to suffer all this time while you were braking my heart, obusing my feelings, lying that you care for me... I don't care if I die right now, I couldn't care less for the whole world to collapse, and I certainly don't care for some stupid celebrity lateral damage."

Well, at least I can put it here...
It meant to be private, but I guess I'm too angry to keep it that way.

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16.05.2011: He remained polar calm and call me a 2 year old.

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17.05.2011: I wrote entire thing here: http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1777022-LLtp17-May-2011

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20.05.2011: After sharing my feelings and situation with a few colleges and receiving a few reviews here ( and some other pages) I came up with a few thoughts:

This is the first time I ever (EVER!) write something like love letter (to anyone!).

That was a personal letter (the real letter to real person, eeek!!!!), and the problem between me and him is not connected to the letter itself but to the "situation" which mutated into a real fight. Well, in fact he took it very stoically and I am the one producing all the storm and turmoil over here. He didn’t use any bad names and I believe I made him very sad.
I was sorry after that. Quite too late, because in the following letters you saw what happened and you also saw my lyrics on that topic, and I'm a mess.
I should write a piece of explanation between two letters to give a reader better insight what really happened between us, because without that the situation ( storyline) loses a lot and I noticed that people while reading it don’t understand how did I get from point A to point B.
Well, that is my Grand Plan considering writing.
The personal agenda is how to survive that day when he comes back and spears me with his eyes. ( OMG, Mother Earth , please open!!)
If I pop out another grammatically utterly horrid piece of lyric you will know I survived (lol).
Thanks again for reviews and keep on reading me.
I hope I will clean up the sty I created and treat you with the continuation of the love letter.