From Brain, To Pen, To Paper

Sometimes it just gets too much.
Too many feelings, too little patience, too weak a heart.
I find it too hard to deal with these feelings, yet it is so easy to succumb to them.
My tear ducts are running dry, my heart is running on empty.
My head's englufed in melodramatic thoughts and in depth analysis' of everything you say .
There's just always something, another bump in the road.
Yet recently, there seems to be more bump than road....

This journey definitely requires a seatbelt.

Admittedly, I sometimes feel like giving up;
taking the cowards way out, the weak option.
Love is often just too much for me to handle.
You removed a few bricks from my wall and now the whole thing has collapsed.
It's only in rare moments of clarity, when insecurities fade and analysis stops, that I see just how special we are.
Two souls so in kin - yet so far apart.
But there's problems behind this clarity
Problems behind your smile.
And I'm not sure if these problems will eventually swallow us whole

You've marked me, there's two rings on my finger that declare to the world I am yours.
I wear these proudly,
sometimes I even try to make people see them, just as an excuse to talk about you.
I apparently excrete a buzzing glow when I do.
It's no doubt I'm in love
It's no doubt it's with you.
But there's arguments behind this love & I don't know if, of these arguments we'll eventually grow tired.

Very rarely do we see eye to eye: A good thing at first but now it preys over what could be our carcus.
So many things you say kill me
& the things you do not say put me in my grave.
But then other words pass your soft lips and I'm in your hold once more.
But can I really keep doing this?
Can I keep feeling this sad, feeling this empty?
Can I keep feeling like a weak, pitiful stranger has taken over my body?
This isn't me....

But I suppose that's because it's us.

You're such a strong person and I often want to hit your head just so you will give me a hug and look past your stubborn nature.
You're used to shutting people out when they're hurt, or you are.....
just because it's easier to deal.
But please stop doing that to me.
It confuses me and makes me want to scream.

However...

the moments that you let me in, that you need me, that you pull me close.
Well, they make everything worthwhile.
I just wish they weren't so rare.

I can easily write about our problems, our flaws, my worries because it's easier to see the bad than believe the good.
I can't write how much I love you.
I can't describe how you make me feel in they fleeting moments of euphoria.

Am I at fault? Do I push you away without realising?
Do I suffocate you? Does my inability to believe you truly love me and won't hurt me pull us apart?
Or do you not like the truth behind the wall and the real behind the front?

You're too nice a person for me
I'm selfish, moody and I want you all for me.
You - apart from selfish moments - are selfless. Your moodiness is cute and you like being around others.
You're mature and beautiful and generous and true.
You care for me so deeply but this I cannot believe...
stings in my past won't let me see your love.

But it's not just me, it's not just you.
It's us....do we just not work?
Is love not enough anymore?
Or do we work and are both too scared that this is real so we try to ruin it?

Oh, my thoughts are so jumbled, my mind is a mess.
& the only things that soothes me is you.

That, to me, is the meaning of irony.