Old Friends for Dinner

Nothing could be further from the truth. Sure we live for a very long time. but that doesn't mean we are any better at amassing a fortune than any normal person. So when Demitri said he was on to a great money making idea I had to at least hear him out. I was the first to arrive at the resturant and took a table in the back facing everything. Demitri arrived shortly thereafter.

"I see you're early as usual," Demitri said in his thick Russian accent.

"You've lived here for over one hundred and fifty years, and still you have that lousy accent," I said laughing and rising to shake my old friend's hand.

"When I get around old friends, I revert to old ways," he said returning my laugh.

"So what is this all about?" I asked

"Not yet, we wait for Gerhard and Benito."

" Gerhard won't be joining us, ever." I said solemnly.

"What happened? Hunters?"

"Yes. One of his clients turned him in."

"I knew he was a fool to advertise the fact that he was a "Vampire Investigator". I blame all this Twilight crap. The fear vampires once commanded has been turned to adolescent infatuation!" Demitri ranted. "Have you decided what you're having? The maitre d' looks inviting."

"I already ate. And I'd pass on the maitre d', he's HIV positive," I warned.

"God I wish I had your nose for blood. I guess I'll have a waitress. Maybe two I'm really hungry."

"There's Benito. Nervous looking as always," I said.

"Hi guys. Were you waiting long? Did you hear about Gerhard?"

"Hi Benny, yeah we were just discussing Gerry. Are you okay? you don't look so good," I inquired.

"Oh man last week I ate a body builder. He was pumped full of steroids. It has played havoc with my system ever since. It must have been a new synthetic steroid because I couldn't tell it was in his system until after I ate him," Benny added.

"You can tell? What about the maitre d', what can you tell about him?" Demitri demanded.

"He reeks of HIV. And the coat room attendant, there's something tainted about her too," Benny replied.

"Heroin addict," I said.

"Is there a class for this that I missed? Demitri queried. "Anyway let's get started. I have been building a bit of a religious cult. You heard of Tobias Van Dyne?"

"I remember him as "Toby the Dynamo", a confidence man from Idaho." I said to Demitri's stunned look.

"You scare me sometimes you know that? Yes this is the same Toby. Only now he is a legitimate religious leader. His following is already too large for our group home in Des Moines. I was thinking of expanding and building a camp somewhere out west"

"Your plan?" I asked.

"Well I have Toby, a charismatic religious kook totally under my power. He draws followers who turn over their wealth to his church and live at the camp. If an occasional "true believer" disappears, he tells the authorities that they wandered off into the desert to commune with spirits. They'll conclude that they got bit by rattlers and picked clean by buzzards."

"And how do you intend to keep people coming to the camp?"

"Miracles. I am the master of blood magic. A few miracle cures, and voila, instant believers. Once we open the doors the camp will make money hand over fist and provide a regular menu of believers."

"How much will it cost us?" I asked.

"I'm selling stakes, pardon the pun, at one hundred thousand dollars each."

"That's a lot of money!" Benny squealed.

"Surely that's not a problem for ones such as ourselves who witnessed the downfall of empires," Demitri encouraged. "Think about it for a moment while I go have a bite."

Demtri stood and headed towards the restrooms. Benny was staring at the table.

"You don't have the money, do you?"

"Some smart alec lawyer tied up my assets. All the court dates were during the day so I couldn't prove I had a claim to my own money. So the judge turned my estate over to the law firm who had power of attorney. They bled me dry," he sighed.

"That was Wergin And Associates right? I read they all died in an office fire."

"Yeah, and being lawyers they tasted terrible."

I laughed as Demetri returned and sat down. "Have you finished talking about me like a dog? I have the ears of the wolf you know."

"We're done, I was just ... Demetri! The coatroom attendant? Really?" I was surprised.

" I got nostalgic. She reminded me of the time in the sixties when we lived in that commune. Tasted a little like those kids too. After I fed another woman walked in so I fed on her also. She tasted strange."

"She's tainted," I said.

"With what?" he asked.

"Hepatitis B," Benny and I said simultaneously.

I looked over at the coat room and Demitri's meals were conversing with a third person. Demetri's bites would have faded by now but the young man stared at their location like they were still visible. The girls wouldn't remember the experience so they can't identify Demetri, but the young man headed for us.

"Can I take your orders now?" he asked.

"Yes. We'll all have the filet" I said.

"Your filets...rare?" he asked.

"Absolutely not, medium well," I said handing him the menus.

"Very well," he said turning and heading to the kitchen.

"You two should leave now. I will deal with the hunter!"

"But how?" Benny asked.

"He's not our waiter and he sensed Demtri's bite on those women. And he's too cocky. I've changed my mind, I will dine here tonight."

"Good hunting my friend." Demetri said rising to leave.

"Oh and put me and Benito down for a stake each. I'll wire you the funds from my offshore account. Till next time my friends."