How the Pinch Stole Payday (Or Tried To)

Every Whom down in sales liked payday a lot
But the Pinch, CEO and check signer, did not
“They’ll be cashing their paychecks,” he snarled with a snarl.
“Even that new one! What’s his name? Carl!”

Then he yelled at his secretary, he yelled and he hissed.
He yelled ‘till he felt the blunt part of her fist.
The Pinch wiped away tears (as his face began numbing)
“I MUST find a way to stop payday from coming!”
For, on Friday, he knew…

When paychecks arrived all the Whoms and Whomettes
Would smile while, in sync, they removed their headsets.
They’d rush, all at once, to sign for their checks
As the old Pinch passed out, his usual reflex.

And THEN
They’d do something that made the Pinch hurl.
Every Whom down in sales, the boy and the girl,
Would cash their paychecks, with cash registers ringing,
They’d stand cash in hand, and the Whoms would start spending!

They’d spend! And they’d spend!
AND they’d SPEND! SPEND! SPEND! SPEND!
And the more the Pinch thought of the Whom-Payday-Spend
The more he passed out, upchucked, and/or cringed.
“Why for 800 years I’ve put up with it now!
I MUST stop payday from coming!
…But HOW?”

Then the Pinch had a thought!
A CEO thought!
THE PINCH
HAD A WONDERFUL, CEO THOUGHT!

“I know just what to do!” the Pinch glowed in his eyes.
“I’ll put on a mask, I’ll wear a disguise!
This idea is so perfect! It’s utter perfection!
I’ll pretend to be an agent of debt collection!”

The Pinch drove to the home of a sales Whom in town.
Yet when he arrived, his grin fell to a frown.
There was nobody home! No soul to despair!
But before he could curse, yes, before he could swear
The Pinch dared himself a wonderful dare.
“I’ll sneak in through the chimney. It is my discretion.
I’ll take electronics in false repossession.”

Then he slid down the chimney and into the house.
As quiet as a lady who’s just seen a mouse.
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most demonic,
Around the whole house, taking every electronic!
Televisions, cameras, anything Panasonic!
PlayStations, laptops, even some old hooked on phonics!
He stuffed them in bags then the Pinch, tired and sore,
Collapsed on the couch and proceeded to snore.

He awoke with a start at the sound of boo-hoos.
He wiped spit from his face as he saw a small Whom.
'Twas Little Mindy-June Whom, in her terrible twos.

She stared at the Pinch and proceeded to cry.
She moaned, and she screamed, and she whined, and she CRIED!
Her dad, who just picked her up from daycare,
Entered behind and did more than just stare.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE, YOU OLD TROUT?!
GET OUT OR YOU’LL SEE WHAT MY RIGHT HOOK’S ABOUT!”
But, you know, that old Pinch was so dumb and so thick
He brought out the lie, and he brought it out quick!

“You owe money, sir, so I’m sure you can guess.
Your electronics, you see, I shall repossess.”
But this Whom was too smart to believe such a tale.
“When I call the police they’ll throw you in jail!
And when both judge and jury have made their decision,
You’ll rot in a cell inside of a prison!”

Then the Pinch, in a panic, came clean with the Whom.
“'Tis I, your boss and CEO, in the room!”
The Whom looked shocked but then grinned ear to ear.
“If you meet my demands no police will come here.”

So payday still came but what’s truly a bummer
Is that the Whoms got paid vacation all summer.


Word Count: 618