The Prison

I was seventeen when I met the person who would destroy my life. My cousin, Jessica introduced us and she seemed nice. Her name was Brittany. I met her I was smitten. Her hazel eyes and beautiful smile just entranced me. We hit it off quickly and in less than a week, I got my first blowjob. It felt so uncomfortable and so unnecessary being as I never even got my first kiss yet. Whe wrote me a nasty note and because I was so naive about things like that, I responded the same. We did that for a while until her mom found them. She is an uuber bitch anyway and fuck is her favorite word. I was forbidden to speak to Brittany, but we snuck around. It took us almost a year for mus to kiss and I remember her not even having the courtesy to stand up to give it to me. We kinda had sex right after I turned 18. I'm not even gonna describe that shit. That November, I went to her house as she had moved in with her dad. It was around Thanksgiving. I pampered the fuck out of her. I would sit and play in her hair at night until she fell asleep, but the romance and passion was missing. The day before Thanksgiving, I found out why. She had a man the whold damned time. I would pamper her, leave, and he would come over and fuck her. I was just her feel-good guy. I couldn't get her out of my head though.

Later, we hooked back up after she got married. I broke them up after 4 months of marriage. I didn't know 2 things. 1. If wanna know who she is going to be, look at her momma. 2. Karma is a bitch. I stole another man's wife and with her, the controlling bitch she had become. I was called names and berated beyond measure. She called me cock-eyed and said that my dead grandfather, who I loved more than anyone else, raped my mom and that's why I was born all fucked up. And I stayed after all of that because she made me feel like no one would ever want a freak like me but her. I still feel that way all the time. I left her a dozen times and came back to that abuse because it's the only love I knew. Sex was her way of shutting me up after she shoved 3 Big Macs, 3 large fries, and a coke down her throat. I couldn't even stand to look at her during sex because I hated her. We never huged, kissed, held hands. . .anything. We were there to saciate each other's needs. I needed to be treated like shit in order to feel loved and she needed to treat someone like shit in order to keep a slave around.

We got married in 2006. No one of her family showed. I had 6 people there. After the wedding Brittany got high. I got job after job just to pay bills and watch her stuuf the rest down her throat and in McDonald's pocket. We had nothing to show for it. We found out our daughter was coming 2 months after we got married. I wasn't working then because I got into a fight at my job over him calling me an ugly bitch and a faggot. Our parents were supporting us. I got a job at Winn Dixe and life was good when i got out of that house. I walked as slow as I could home after work. She had reached 300 pounds before she got pregnant and I was okay. In the back of my mind I kept thinking maybe she will have a heart attack. I secretly prayed for it. I was that fuckin miserable. After Haley was born nothing changed and that's what did it for me. I gave Haley a bath al,one once and Brittany saw her chance and said I molested my own daughter. I walked out of the apartment, bought a 12 pack, and drank myself into a stupor. if i disagreed with her on just the smallest shit she would call my mom at 3 a.m. She would keep me up until 4 or 5 in the morning knowing I had work at eight. She did that for a week straight once. I went168 hours without sleep. She pushed me so far that I put a knife to her throat to stop her from hitting me. I have hit her twice in self defense. She used to hit her first husband. She was not gonna hit me.

This year I realized that Haley was getting older and could hear the terrible names we were clling each other. I hat ethe c word and the p word. I called her that every day and she called me stupid and worthless every day. I hated myself and before Haley saw that side of me, I left. I left Brittany with all the control. Now she tells me when i can talk to Haley and she tells me that I can see her and then takes it back. She has cheated on my countless times. I have lost jobs because of her and I fucked over an uncle of mine because of her and I lost him.Brittany taught Haley not to tell me she loves me. I'll say I love you and Haley says Ok Daddy. It kills me every day. She had Haley calling another man Daddy. I hated myself for years over just my looks, but because of Brittany, I despise myself. I hate mirrors. I can;t watch a movie where love is the topic because i don't understand what's happening. I understand the love of a father to my daughter, but that's it. Because of her, when someone comes along that I like, I cling and push to hurry up and get that feeling because I wanna know what real romantic love is instead of abuse and hatred. I hate who I have become. I have always been a nice sweet guy because I like to see people smile, but I hate smiling because i am so ugly and Brittany only made me feel worthless on top of that. I have tried to kill myself a few times over her just to get rid of her.

All I ever wanted was to feel loved, but because of her, I won't know what ot feels like if it does come or what to do with it. I have driven two women away with my clinginess and pushiness. The first was young and I made her feel woth something and beautiful and she took that to another guy. The second, I fucked up before I got the chance to even try. I'm a fuck up. I always come off as strong, but I'm really weak. At first glance you see a badass. When you meet me, you'll meet a gantleman. When you look ino my eyes, you will see someone broken and almost dead inside. Inside I am on life support. I never feel anything, but if i do it's intense and I cannot take it. All I want is the love I never felt because Brittany sucked what soul I had left. I'm a monster on the outside because of some fucking birth problem. I;m a monster on the inside because of a woman who was supposed to love me. Thanks a lot for murdering who I used to be and who I couild have been, Brittany. Thank you for being the reason that I'll never find love. Thank you for being the reason that I want to kill myself everyday because I hate what you made me.