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Just a small rundown of me. |
I have fought. My whole life I have fought the intollerance of others. I've been laughed at, stared at, hit, kicked, spit on, cursed out, and lied to. I have made myself hard as stone, but I am as fragile as glass. The right eyes, the right smile, the right words melts the stone away and makes my heart breakable again. Anything can shatter my heart after my walls fall. I handle rejection as a devestating force in my life, not because I was rejected, but because I was rejected before I had a chance to show people who I really am if it makes sense. That applies to all aspects of my life. In my every day norma life, people just look at me and find me not worth knowing and if I go to meet them, they just ignore me. In my lack of a love life people just see me as a good friend and refuse to try to see me as anything more. And when someone does show an interest, something always happens to take them away. And after they move that distance, I push them further away because I go into panick mode. "Maybe if I try hard enough, she'll just figure out that she made a mistake and be with me." That's always been my thinking. My family does not understand that I'm not permanently hard like they are. I compliment people so that they will forget about what I look like for a second. I'm not lying when I compliment, I just use it to make people smile. I don't think I will ever be happy. My daughter is gone and I'm single. I tried a few times to get my daughter and was met by excuses. I tried a cuple of times to find love, but I was met with heartache. I even got tired of my life when I was a teenager and tried to kill myself, but was met with failure. I have no idea where my life is headed and all I ever wanted was a path off of this road of pain and heartache. All I need is someone to help me finish my story, |