Slag's Biggest Mistake

Captain Slag hurried around in his cabin, getting dressed. He grabbed his hat, put on his utility sash and put an artificial hand on his right arm. It was a big day. Today was the last day of the year, and every pirate from across the galaxy comes to the planet Nol, a deserted water planet, on the last day and meet at the one island on the planet that they named Booty Island (go figure). They discussed what they'll all change about themselves and what to do about territories. Slag, since he was the captain, was one of the judge members. All of the pirates admired him in different ways. But most just loved his girth, which he was having trouble with now.

He went to the corner of the room to get his utility belt. He pulled it up between his legs until it hit the underside of his gut. "Argh! Are you goin' to be a pain again!?" He lifted his belly to try and wedge the belt into the fold of fat that was his normal waistline, but it turned out to be too heavy. Frustrated, he went with his last option. "Pete!" Not a moment too soon, the sidekick burst through the doors in a polished tux. (He may have been a drunk, but he was classy at these meetings).
"Aye, aye, capan! Hic!"   
"Pete, I need you to lift up my port bow." He motioned towards his gut.
"Uh, you want me to hold up your gut? Hic!"
"Just do it, Pete!"
Pete thought about this for a moment, but decided to follow orders. He slowly walked over to Slag and faced him. Then, he slid his hands into the flabby crevice, feeling the sticky grog and food crumbs that got stuck in the cold, smooth metal. A few murrs escaped Pete's mouth. Finally, he hoisted it up. As Slag worked with the belt, Pete listened to the rhythmic sounds inside the giant cavern. He mainly heard the gallons of grog that sloshed around, but then a loud growling sound erupted from Slag's stomach, causing it to vibrate in Pete's hands. "Heh! Guess the big lad's hungry!", Slag said, patting his gut. "Hope there be caterin'!"
Pete remained silent the whole time. At last, Slag finished with the belt.
"Alright Pete, release the anchor!"
Pete did what he was told and let go of the grog-tank, causing it to slam hard against Slag's legs. It sent a tremor across the cabin.
"Now all that's left is the suit."
"Uh, capan? Hic! Are you sure that's a good idea? Don't you remember what happened during the last meetin'? Hic!"
"Aye, Pete, but that was just because of the barrels of grog I had durin' the games. This time I'll be stayin' sober." He looked back at the last get together; how he chugged down ten barrels of grog in under five minutes, and then watch as his beer belly exploded out of the tux and shook the island so much that the cave they were in collapsed. He had  to pay many payments in bolts for the damage.
Once back to reality, he began to struggle with the suit. Of course, he had trouble in the waist section. Slag, frustrated once more, sucked in his gut and quickly buttoned up the tux. He then released his breath, causing tons of pressure to be pushed against the buttons. "This suit gets smaller every year!"
"Actually capan, I think yer just gettin' bigger. Hic!"
"Aye, so I've put on a bit of weight, but I ain't spendin' a single bolt just to buy a suit one size larger! I plan on usin' this tux till I have the privilege of skippin' these meetins'!
Pete just shrugged his shoulders.
"Alright Pete. Gather the lads and let's shove off!"
"Aye, aye, capan! Hic!" He burst through the doors and in moments, they headed towards Booty Island.


As Captain Slag walked into the cave, he recognized some of his old friends. But boy did they get fat! Some of them had bellies as big as his (well, almost). He continued to walk down the corridor until he came up to a long table that had all of the captains lined up in a row. Captain Slag went up and greeted them. "Aye. It's been a long time since I've seen you all."
"Indeed it has", they all said in unison. Once Slag had sat down, they called the meeting to order. The Captain sitting next to Slag got up and spoke out to the crowd. "Good evening lads. Might I be the first to say that I'd be lookin' forward to next year and meeting the new pirates we have with us today. Welcome." For about fifteen minutes, the captain told the other pirates about new trade routes created in certain systems and deals that were made between different crews. During the whole speech, Captain Slag's stomach was growling and rumbling like a contained thunder storm. At one point, his belly vibrated so hard that it shook the table he was sitting at. Everyone turned their heads towards him including the other captains. Slag sheepishly smiled as another deep rumble emitted from his gut, echoing through the cave. "Heh! Sorry."  He tried to make it quiet by patting it. The captains just laughed and went back to their announcements.
As soon as the speech was done, Slag ran over to the food table that was filled with all kinds of foods from different parts of the universe. They all made his mouth water. He immediately began stuffing food in his maw without even bothering to check what he was eating. He could pretty much eat anything and be able to digest it. After he crammed about two pounds worth of food in his mouth, he tilted his head back and took the biggest swallow he had ever made. All of the contents slid down slowly, creating a giant bulge in his throat. He rubbed it with his hands, feeling the large lumps descend. A few moments later, he felt the food drop into his stomach. He heard a loud "plop" when they hit the juices. Slag hefted his gut, causing it to slosh to and fro with no intent of stopping. He was just about to reach for the barrels of grog, when one of the foods caught his eye. It was a giant plate of what appeared to be green jello. The gelatin wasn't square, however. It looked like a big mountain on top of a silver platter. As he picked it up, it jiggled very violently in his hands. It made his stomach churn, or that may have just been it complaining. "Argh. I should at least try it." he said as he put some of the jello in his mouth. It tasted a lot like sour apple. He then tilted his head back and took a powerful gulp. It slowly slid down his throat, and for a moment, he thought he heard it squeal. Once past his throat, it plopped into his stomach, churning with the old grog. "Heh. This aint half bad!" Saying this, he began to eat more of the green jello. He eventually found that he could simply suck it like a vacuum. After eating about three buckets worth of the jello, he opened his mouth to release a giant wet belch that could be heard for miles. All the pirates began cheering at his marvelous work. Slag bowed to his crowd. "Thank you. Thank you". He walked back to the food table, ready to eat some more, but then, he started to feel sick. His body seemed to lose all of its energy and he was starting to breath heavily. He put his hand on his belly which was groaning loudly. 'Maybe it just cramps' he thought. One of his crew members came over and asked him if he was okay. "Argh! Yes. I'm fine!" As he walked away, Slag sat on a chair far from the crowd to tend to his gut. He then noticed something. For some reason his belly felt strange. The metal seemed to be much thinner and flexible than before. It made giant waves as he stroked it. Trying to stop it from moaning, he slapped it hard. All of a sudden, his belly started to jiggle and shake violently. The heavy metal that had never bent easily rippled like pond water. It shook so hard that he had trouble staying in his seat. He could hear the heavy sloshing and gurgling erupting out of his gut loud enough for some of the pirates to turn their heads towards him. Finally, he gripped the heavy tank of metal in his arms until it began to stop. He looked up to see the other pirates turn away, not wanting to get shouted at. As he got up slowly, Slag noticed the other captains beckoning him over to the other corner. He casually walked over as if nothing happened. All the while, his gut bounced, glorped, and sloshed with every step he took. "Argh, Slag! How you doin' this evenin'?"
"Aye. I've had better."
"I see your boy is doin' fine."
"Sorry, I don't follow."
The captain eyed Slag's wobbling belly and grinned. Everyone laughed, but Slag felt uneasy about the whole situation. Why didn't his gut stop moving? It should have relaxed by now. As they talked, he rubbed his belly, feeling it make folds in his hands. The metal seemed more flexible usual. Every stroke he made, flab was bunched up into waves. At one point, his stomach groaned loud enough for the others to hear. They looked down at his gut.
"You all right Slag?"
"Yeah. Just a little bowel problems." He wondered if that was the wisest thing to say.
"Well just don't fire yer cannon in our area!" one of them said, trying to get a laugh.
Slag smiled, but he knew something was wrong. Even when he had bowel problems it never groaned this loud, let alone shake his belly like a pool of jello. Wait. The jello! That's what made his belly jiggle. How could he be so stupid! He now felt the gelatin sitting in his belly like a small boulder. Well, there was little he could do about it now. He would just have to go through the pain. But right on que, his belly let loose another carrying, mocking, churning ‘Guuuooorgle’. The others looked at him again.
"Are you sure yer' alright?" The youngest pirate put his hand on Slag's gut. All of a sudden, his hand began to sink into the metal. "Wha-what!?" He dropped his drink as he  watched his hand disappear into the giant captain's belly. "Slag, stop!"
"I swear, I'm not doin' that!"
The pirate tried to tug his arm out, but giant ripples of steel pulled his arm in just like quicksand. All Slag could do was watch in horror as his friend's arm slowly sank into his belly. The other captains were in too much shock to help their colleague. It wasn't long before the pirate was in up to his shoulder. "Slag! Help me!"
Slag grabbed him and pulled on his waist, but more ripples pulled him in further. It was amazing how fast the pirate was disappearing and how no one else saw the terror they were seeing. The young scallywag's head was now beginning to sink in. His cries for help were soon muffled by the fat.
"HELP! HELph! Mmph! MMMMPH!"
Slag actually thought the sensation of someone sinking into his gut like this felt good, but he was terrified at the same time. Finally, the other captains got out of their shock and began to pull on their friend. But once again, the now liquid steel rippled like cascading mercury, pulling the pirate in even further. By the time he was up to his waist, the captains all let go, and Slag could feel the captain enter his stomach.

The pirate looked around the cavern that was Slag's belly. It still had some left over grog at the bottom, but the entire pouch was filled with the green blob that Slag ate. As he was pushed further in, the gelatin began to cover the pirate's head with its sticky goo. He began to loose oxygen. It would only be a few minutes before he suffocated.

Outside of the murderous gut, the captains could only see their friend's legs sticking out. They were flailing violently, trying to pry out of the quick-steel. Everyone ran out of options as for what to do. No matter what they did, Slag's belly only sucked the pirate in faster. But then, Slag thought of something. Without telling his colleagues what it was, he tried to cover the legs with his suit (which was hardly anywhere near his belly in the first place) and ran through the crowd and out of the cave.
"Slag, wait! Where ya' goin'?"
He ran around the outside until he found a crevice in the rock. To his amazement, he was able to squeeze in, even with the legs, which were now down to the shins. Quickly, he unbuckled his belt, pulled down his pants, and sat in a squat position. He contorted his face and applied a lot of pressure to his "waist disposer". Maybe, he thought, he could make the pirate come out naturally. It wouldn't be pretty for him, but it was something. It had no effect. His intestines seemed to be controlled by the blob that was eating away at his friend. Slag slid his back along the wall of the crevice and plopped onto the floor. Slag had never felt sad for someone in his life, but now, he knew how it felt. It was depressing. He then heard a blood curdling scream erupt from the bulbous tank.
"SLAG! PLEASE HELP MEEEEE!"
But there was nothing he could do. It was all over for the unfortunate captain. Slag just put his hands on his belly as the feet of his old friend disappeared before him into the steel tomb.




Slag bolted up from his bed, breathing heavily. He looked around and noticed he was in his cabin. He felt his metal skin wet with sweat.
"Oye! It be just a nightmare." He had never been so relieved in his life. Just then, Rusty Pete came into the room.
"See you've finally woken up capan. You were asleep since we left. Hic!"
"Aye, Pete. I just had the most horrible nightmare!"
Pete just shrugged. He respected his captain's privacy. He turned to leave, but stopped at the doorway. "Uh, capan? Hic! You wouldn't happen to know if anything was taken from the meetin' would you? Hic!"
"No. Why?"
"Well, hic! The other captains were looking for a creature that they brought from their home planet. They had it during the meetin', but when it was time to go, it was gone. Hic!"
"What kind of creature?"
"They haven't confirmed anything yet, but they believe that it becomes a ravenous monster whenever it enters a host's stomach. Hic!"
Slag suddenly went cold. "Uh, would the creature happen to be in the, uh, form of a green gelatin?"
"Yeah capan. Hic! It was. But how did you know?"
"Just, uh, just a lucky guess."
"Well, it doesn't matter. They're sure it'll turn up someplace. See ya in the mornin'. Hic!"
As Pete left the room, Slag recalled the dream he just had. 'If all of that be true, then...' 'Guuuurrrrrooooogle!'. A loud groan erupted through the cabin. He looked down at his plump gut, which had small mounds in the shape of what appeared to be hands.