The Constant Silence: Part 2

The Constant Silence: Part 2

        “Rionna.” He calls her name as he jogs over, kneeling beside her shaking form he shrugs out of his coat and throws it around her shivering arms. She doesn’t resist as he pulls her close, only continues her wrenching sobs. The sound tears at him as he wraps her in his arms. “Hey,” He nudges her chin up, “what are you doing out here? I tried to call but you never answered.”

         She shakes her head. Worried he grabs her bag off the ground and pulls her to her feet. She stumbles against him as they move forward so he tugs her closer and puts an arm around her. In tandem they move toward the flashing lights on his squad car. He tucks her inside and drives silently to the apartment across town.

         The red bricks appear in the headlights of the car, he parks in the single space and opens her door. She hesitates but he reaches inside and takes her hand.

         “Come on, it’s ok,” She stares, her eyes blank as she looks at him, shock riddles her face, her teeth chatter as the damp keeps seeping inside. She pulls his coat closer as they mount the steps; he pushes open the door and leads her inside. Flipping on lights they walk through the house, her eyes focused only on his as they enter the bathroom. Her face in the mirror over the porcelain sink is pale and drawn, her hair in strands about her face, she can’t help but wonder if she’ll ever feel beautiful again. The shower spits on, steam begins to fill the room as Alec moves about, grabbing towels from the cabinet by the door. He turns toward her; she shrinks against the doorframe.

         He holds up a hand as she starts to slink from the room, “You’re in shock and too cold, you’ve got to get out of those clothes and get warm.”

         She shakes her head, clutching his coat closer, understanding but rejecting his words.

         Grasping her chin in one lean hand he tilts her face up to his, “Get in the shower Ri.” He turns and leaves, shutting the door gently behind him. When it clicks shut she throws the lock, feeling cold sink further into her bones. She takes off her dripping clothes, approaching the shower cautiously, peeking inside before stepping over the low lip. Apple shampoo sits on a narrow shelf, a ladies pink razor, and double toothbrushes stick out of a cup. She tries to get hold of herself, relax in the warmth of the water sluicing over her pounding scalp. She feels guilty for calling him, too easy to remember how it used to be between them, but it doesn’t feel fair to involve him in her problems when he’s so obviously moved on with his life. She just needs to keep it together, to pick up the pieces of her own jumbled life.

         Stepping from the shower she wraps herself in a towel. Tiptoeing to the door she carefully slides the lock out and peeks out the door looking for Alec, a voice from the other room gives away his location. A stack of clothes sits in front of the door and she breathes a sigh of relief, grabs them and re-shuts the door. A pair of gray sweatpants, blue police academy t-shirt, and too large army sweatshirt in green, hurriedly she tugs them on. Rolling the waistband on the pants and tucking the t-shirt in she tries to keep from tripping on the pant leg hem, she’s tall, but he’s always been six inches taller. She snuggles into the sweatshirt, his scent clings to the material and she can’t help but inhale the delicious smell, a reaction she’s never been able to help.

         Pacing through the hallway she finger combs her damp hair, preparing herself to speak with him as she eyes him through a doorway sitting in a kitchen chair. Coffee cup in hand, new uniform pants, gray shirt snugly stretched across broad shoulders and tucked in. Pausing in the doorway she twists her hands, unsure of what to say, too many questions float in the air, too many feelings that she can’t know are shared.

         “Have a seat Ri.” He gestures to the chair across the small table, then rises to get another cup. Placing it in front of her, he brushes away the strands of hair that stick to her face before sitting across from her again. The rain still taps out a dance on the windowpanes. “Emma called. She wanted to know how you were.”

         Her shocked eyes meet his over the rim of the ceramic cup, “Why? She hasn’t spoken to me in almost a year.”

         “She’s been mad at both of us apparently. She called me an idiot.”

         “You are her brother.”

         Alec shakes his head, “That’s not why. She’s mad because of you, because I left and let you suffer alone.”

         “You can’t take the blame for what’s my fault.”

         “No!” His eyes blazed across the table at her, “None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t thrown away everything we had.”

         She sighs heavily staring into her cup, “We didn’t have anything, if we had you wouldn’t have left.” He starts to speak but she holds up a hand, “Please. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I’m responsible for myself. I messed up, it sucks, but I’m dealing with it.”

         He shoves his chair away from the table to stand by the sink and stare out the window, “You’re not dealing with it, Ri. If you were we wouldn’t be here right now. I wouldn’t have just dragged you out of the rain. For God’s sake, it’s not even forty degrees and you’re sitting under the biggest damned tree on campus in a lightning storm.”

         “That’s not fair.”

         “Why not? What were you going to do? Sit there all night? Wait until you got hit by lightening? What if I hadn’t been there?”

         Anger sparks in her eyes. Slamming her cup to the table she yells, “You haven’t been here! I haven’t even heard from you for three years, but for some stupid reason I listened to you and tried to do what you said.” She throws up her hands.

         “You went to the counseling center?’

         Breathing hard she gives a jerky nod.

         The guilt very nearly overwhelms him as he tries to digest what she’s said. He moves closer and sits back down. “What happened?’

         She drops her eyes to the tabletop, “They let me talk, then suggested I see a therapist who deals in guilt.”

         “Guilt?”

         “Basically they want me to see a counselor to talk about the guilt I feel for luring an innocent boy into “raping” me,” her fingers making mock quotations in the air.

         He curls his hands into fists on his thighs, “I’m sorry, if I’d known I wouldn’t have suggested you go.”

         “I don’t want to be a victim,” Extricating her hand from his she crosses her arms protectively across her chest, “I don’t want to be sad all the time, mad at myself for how I’ve lived, or scared to be alone at night. Alec, I don’t even know who I am anymore, all I know is I’m terrified.”

         Alec watches the tears gather on her face feeling inadequate to help in any way. She’s right, he hasn’t been home, he hasn’t been around for her in years, he shouldn’t even be involved with her right now, but he doesn’t care. He’s left her alone for far too long, he swears that’s going to change starting now. “I know you feel lost and alone, probably like no one cares. Hell, I can’t blame you. Especially after today, but Ri, you’re strong; I know you’ll be okay. You just need time.”

         Tears continue to slide down her face but she doesn’t look away. That wounded look in her pretty green eyes reminds him of another rainy night.

         The patio doors had swung shut behind them, as they’d stood in the cool summer rain. The night was liquid dark, the mist cool against their heated skin. His mother’s birthday party was winding to a close as they’d stood, arms wrapped around each other, hidden by the rosebush planted outside the doors. His stomach had roiled at what he planned to do, he’d stroked one hand along the bareness of her back in the robins egg sun dress, savoring the feel of her skin against the roughness of his workman’s hands. Praying she’d forgive him for what he had to do.

         “Ri, baby, I enlisted today.”

         Her green eyes had widened as they’d stared up at him, “I didn’t know you wanted to be a soldier.”

         He hadn’t, not really, but his dad was dead, his mother was working two jobs, and they barely had enough, but instead he’d said, “I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I just made up my mind it was the right thing today.”

         “Why didn’t you tell me?”

         “It wasn’t your business, it was my decision.”

         She’d dropped her hands from around him, rubbed her arms and observed him. He’d felt her hurt as if it were his own. “What about us?” She’d asked, her eyes told him she already knew the answer.

         “You still have a year of school, then college if you get your way. I’ll be long gone by then.” His words had been cruel but he couldn’t stand the thought of her waiting at home wondering if he was alive or dead, giving up on school to follow him around the world. And it would be that way; if he gave an inch she’d never leave him.

          “I think I should go home.” Her words bounce in his head, it takes him a moment to realize he isn’t reliving the past, she’s telling him the same thing again. This time he isn’t going to let her get away with goodbye so easily.

         He shakes his head, “I already talked to Emma. She called your mom earlier to see if you could spend the night with her.”

         “But…”

         Ruthlessly he plows ahead, ignoring her sure denial, “Apparently she was ecstatic. She thinks this is just what you need. She told Emma you haven’t been leaving the house unless you had to.”

         “Alec, I don’t have any clothes. Tomorrow is Friday, I have class at noon.”

         He shrugs, “You can wear what you did today, I threw it all in the washer. If not, Emma’ll be home soon, you can borrow something from her.”

         Rionna frowns, confused, “I thought this was your apartment?”

         “Nope, it’s Emma’s, I stay with her off and on but mostly I live at our old farm house.” He checks the clock on the wall above the stove, “She’s supposed to be bringing supper home, I was taking her to lunch earlier, but when you called she tried to bail before we’d even ordered.”

         “So the shampoo in the shower is hers?”

         “Well, it’s not mine.”

         “Oh.”

         But he’s quick and catches her tone, “Wait a second. I know what you thought.” He grins lasciviously, “You actually believed I’d bring you here if there was another girl.”

         “Alec?”

         “Yeah?”

         “Shut Up.”

         He laughs at her temper, watching her rinse their coffee cups in the sink. Knowing he’s got an advantage he hadn’t hoped to gain. Plotting all the ways to get her back, he wraps an arm about her waist, thrilled when she doesn’t pull away. “Come on, let’s watch a movie.”

         The following weeks fly by in a happy daze. Rionna can’t believe the progress she’s started to make, with Alec’s connections at the police department, a therapist is found. Someone who doesn’t blame her for what happened but helps her deal with all the pain. She starts to find herself again, to live without fear, putting the panic to rest. Her friendship with Emma is repaired, her relationship with Alec begins to blossom with his tender care. There are still secrets between them but they live day-by-day, still unsure if they’ll get the happily ever after they both crave. When the day of Marcus’s trial comes, she almost wishes it could be delayed.

          The weather is bright, not a rain cloud in sight, but the air is tense as they drive toward the courthouse. Rionna feels ill as she reviews what the prosecutor has drilled into her head. She knows exactly what will happen but isn’t sure what will be said. As they climb the stone steps she draws a deep and bracing breath.

         The room isn’t as crowded as what she’d imagined it would be. There isn’t the amount of press she remembers from watching court cases on TV. It’s just family and the important people to the case. The prosecutor warned her they were going to try for charges beyond rape; they wanted to get a sentence for attempted murder. The council was confident they would, they had too much evidence for a light conviction. Rionna’s nervousness stemmed from the likelihood of being asked to take the stand. She thought she’d be safe what with the tape, she’d started to believe there was too much evidence, it was too clean-cut of a case for her to even be involved with the trial. But by the end of the day they had yet to show the hated tape. And as fate would have it the defense called her name. The prosecution made an accusation and in retaliation, “Your honor, the defense would like to call Miss Rionna McKenna to the stand.”

         Skating the edge of panic she avoids looking at Marcus as she walks to the front of the room. Mechanically she places her hand upon the Bible and swears to tell the truth. Then the questions start, they bombard her. Things that were her business and no one else’s are pushed into the public sphere of trial.

         “Miss McKenna, had you engaged in a sexual relationship with Mr. Goodman prior to the alleged rape?”

         “Not willingly.”

         “So you had engaged in sexual activity with Mr. Goodman.”

         She frowns, is about to disagree with his assumption but the man plows on, “And were you engaged to Mr. Goodman at the time of the alleged rape?”

         Clenching her jaw against a wave of nausea she nods. The judge instructs her to give a verbal answer for the benefit of the court. “Yes.” Breaking into a cold sweat she seeks Alec’s eyes from where he sits across the room, terrified she knows where the defense is leading the questions. Knowing what she will have to say in answer.

         Triumph gleams in the defense attorney’s eyes as he turns to the jury, “Now I ask the citizens of the jury to consider what Miss McKenna has said. She was already engaging in a sexual relationship with my client, indeed they were even engaged. What possible motive could my client have for raping Miss McKenna when by all prior accounts indicate they were a happy couple?”

         The defense attorney rests and sits cockily in his chair, winking at the prosecutor as he rises.

         “Miss McKenna, would you care to tell us why Mr. Goodman raped you?”

         Rionna chokes as she remembers what he’d screamed at her that night, “He found out I was pregnant.”

         The prosecutor turns, “Curious, the blood tests at the time of your hospital stay did not confirm pregnancy.”

         “No, I was pregnant before we started dating. I had a miscarriage three years ago, he...only recently found out.”

         “Why would he be angry about a pregnancy? You were engaged. Surely children were in the future of your relationship?”          

         “The child wasn’t his.”

         “Who did the child belong to Miss McKenna? Who was the father?”

         “Alec Donovan.” She sees Alec’s face tense in shock but looks away when tears begin to sting her eyes. She hadn’t wanted him to find out, but if he’d had to know, she hadn’t wanted it to be this way. The prosecutor’s voice interrupts her train of thought as she pulls her eyes away from Alec. She’s dismissed from the bench.

         “Your honor, with the permission of the court I would like the jury to view a video found in Mr. Goodman’s possession upon his arrest. I believe it will clear up any misconceptions about his innocence, and solidify the case against him.”

         “You may proceed.”

         The prosecutor prepares the tape. It’s played. The room is plunged in the violence of that dark day as the video reveals the truth. The women of the jury flush and turn away, the men can’t help but glare in revulsion at the man sitting so quietly, pretending perfect innocence, in his chair. Rionna sits, chills running down her spine as she watches what she’d endured. When the tape is stopped there is silence throughout the room, finally broken by the prosecutor’s request for Marcus Goodman to take the stand. He doesn’t try to deny what he’s done, it’s too obvious with the tape paused on a close-up of his face. In the end, the prosecutor asks if he feels remorse for what he’d done.

         His reply, “I’d do it all again, it was too much fun.”

         When the judge finally dismisses the courtroom, Rionna runs into the bathroom and is violently sick. Disgust with herself, her inability to protect her child boils up and she sits on the cold tile floor. Positive that Alec will never speak to her again, she’d lost their baby before it’d even had a chance to live.

         The door squeaks open and combat boots stop beside her on the floor. She doesn’t look up, not wanting to see the hatred she’s sure to find in his gaze. She tries to pull into herself, tries to cover herself with a protective shell. But he crouches down beside her, tugs until she falls against his chest. The starch of his uniform is rough against her cheek but she doesn’t care as he holds her tight against him.

         “I’m sorry.” He whispers against her temple, stroking back her hair. That’s all she needs, her fears allayed as he rocks her tight against him.

         “I couldn’t do anything,” She weeps, her cries muffled against the fabric on his chest, “I was so careful, but I started cramping at work one day…”

         There is no room for blame as she tells him how their baby died before it even lived. They stay wrapped together on the tile of the floor until Emma comes in with the news the verdict is ready to be read. Returning to the courtroom they wait with bated breath, hoping for the end that will put their nightmares to rest. When the conviction comes through, when they know he’ll never bother them again, they leave the courthouse hand-in-hand.