Wrath of the Red Devils

In my garden as I lay
In the middle of a wonderful, wintry holiday

It so happened that I dreamt a dream
So strange, so abysmal like sunflowers dipped in fresh cream

Suddenly popped the dream and I sprang up with a start
my special place hurt like it had been riddled by many a sharp dart.

Mother came out calling, “Thank Heavens you idiot, I thought you were dead…
Hadn’t I told you to be careful of those little devils red..?”

I looked at her and then I looked around me;
It was a day as beautiful and cloudy as can be..

I scratched me bollocks and rubbed me bum
There seemed to be marching through my loins an entire ant kingdom.

Tiny, little ones as red as can be
They garrisoned around my special place biting me Johnny.

I jumped up and down yelling, I wailed like a barmy
I sprayed myself with boiling water to drive away the ant army

Finally did they leave me, exhausted and spent
Little ol’ Johnny hung despondent, boiling and bent.

As the twinge blasted sky high, so did my temper
I charged at them with a scooper, you should’ve seen them scamper.

I scooped up one and I scooped ‘em all
I scooped the little bastards all day and wiped each one off the wall

I put them in my microwave and I turned the heat on
‘pop’ they went one by one and ’pop’ they went all.

They disappeared in thin air like they weren’t there at all
I had avenged those tiny bastards, I had avenged one and all….

My ribs hurt from laughter, oh what a show it was
Some butchery I had unleashed, oh what a terrible loss.

Proud and content I retired for the day thinking the battle was won
Little did I know that Karma had his plot ready, the process of retribution had begun

The very next afternoon as I lay in my garden, underneath the tranquil sky
a bee flew in from somewhere and gave me a swollen eye.