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by faren Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ · Chapter · Fantasy · #1787038
The first chapter of a book I've been working on for awhile. Needs criticism!!
Chapter 1



         My eyes opened to the bright white world before me. I couldn’t believe that such a painful world could be so beautiful. It seemed so impossible, and yet…

         A bomb went blasting off beside me. I rolled out of the way just in time. The mound of snow went flying beside me, drenching me in an icy numbness as another blast went off, just missing my head. I got to my feet uneasily and looked around to avoid another malicious blow. Being alive at this point was almost an accomplishment. I smiled at my misfortune. I felt around at my waist, feeling for any type of weapon or means of self defense. It would have seemed that I had lost all type of sharp tool or object before the fight had really even got going. That was reckless of me and now I was paying for it.

         “You’re getting slower,” a mocking voice echoed beside me. I jumped out of the way just in time to dodge a swing of a sword. It was Lynne’s huge sword. I watched the glint of the white snow glow off of the side of the blade. I rubbed the back of my head and looked at her in defeat and admiration.

         “Come on Lynne. You know you already have me. Can’t we just call it quits?” I tried to settle things. She only sighed and sheathed her ancient sword.

         “You’re not going to get any better if you don’t push yourself,” she antagonized. I had heard that speech more than enough times. I could practically rehearse it myself. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

         “Lynne, how many times do I have to tell you that I prefer not to fight,” I fought back, faking a pout. Lynne shook her head in disappointment and disapproval.

         “You’re just like Father,” she said uneasily. My heart sunk and Lynne turned away, knowing the emotional blow she had just struck in both of our hearts. The silence that continued that moment was uncomfortable and lonely.

         “Meet me back at the house before midnight, will you?” she asked as she slowly turned and vanished.

         Lynne was my birth sister. I had known her since the moment I had been brought into this world. The first thing I really ever saw was her round, smiling face. My first few days of life she was with me and now we are inseparable. Ever since our mother had died we had been alone. Our father had committed suicide. He killed himself as soon as he found that my mother had been killed in combat. She was always the calm one, and when it came to fighting she was like a hawk; swift and merciless. But now she and my father are gone and we are left to fend for ourselves.

Lynne is only two years older than me, her being sixteen and I being the age of fourteen. Although she is my sister, she has almost the opposite traits. She has straight blond hair that is wrapped in a tail and strewn down her back. Her eyes are the darkest blue, when you look into them it looks like you’re looking down a well. She is shorter than me, I must admit. When in battle she carries a katana which she has name Genki. It was my fathers when he fought for the Imperial Army. The two of them never leave each other; that sword is like her child. Now she herself is training to be a ninja for not only to avenge our parents but also for the sake of Imperial Army. She is as quick as lightning and as fierce as a hurricane.

I kicked snow as I shoved my hands under the flap on my elk skin dress. There they would be warm. My silky black hair fell into my face as I looked down and watched every step I took. My feet, wrapped up in warm cloth and animal hide, almost seemed to float over the powdery snow.

I heard nothing as I walked, my feet made no crunching among the snow. Looking up at the scenery before me, I let out a sigh and watched the heat before my face bellow out of my mouth. I watched it slowly disappear among the trees which arched overhead. Their bare branches looked like sharp daggers slicing the air. I finally came to a clearing in which there was nothing but a cool, strict breeze. I trudged and waded into winter’s ocean of cold snow. I finally got to the very center of the clearing. I looked up at the sky and stood for the longest time. It would seem as though I would’ve been thinking about life and its mysteries, but my mind was surprisingly blank. I stood until the sky started to cry snow again. Plopping down in the meadow of snow, I lay back. Tears poured out of the corners of my eyes as the cold snowflakes covered my body. It was so cold; I didn’t know how long I could stand it. All I knew was that I wanted to stay there forever and let myself be consumed by the peacefulness of the moment. The snow finally stopped and I did as well. I stopped trying to think and I stopped wishing. I just laid there in the freezing snow with a stupid grin upon my face. I was so alone that all I could do was smile. I wanted to be alone though. I didn’t want anyone to bother me. I could have stayed there for another eternity, but the sun was far past gone and the moon was at its highest peak. Sighing, I shifted slightly, causing the snow coffin to fall off of my numb body.

I ran all the way back home, practicing my agility. I got back in a matter of minutes; nothing compared to my sister though.

         Our house was a small shack that was really only livable for one person though somehow we manage to both fit in there. The walls are made from solidly packed tree sap and logs. The roof is made from two huge leaves that for some reason have yet to fail us. I pushed aside the spirit beads that hung in the doorway and stepped into the small, one roomed house.

         I was greeted with the welcoming sent of burning wood and the smell of winter; crisp and clean.

“It’s about time Faren,” Lynne scolded. “Honestly, I think it would be easier to put you on a rope and tow you around with me all day.” I looked at her sheepishly. I opened my mouth to answer with some smart reply, but she just laughed.

         “Just get to sleep,” she smiled comfortingly. I nodded, glad that she hadn’t asked for an explanation. It seemed almost unlike her not to argue with me about being late. I rolled out a torn up quilt in the far corner of the room and wrapped myself in it. My sister looked over at me, made sure that I had been situated, and blew out the candle on the cracked, worn wooden stump that was the only table in the house. The spirit beads shifted and I knew that she had left. She had to be at the gates of the Imperial Palace for some sort of secret training. I don’t know really. She keeps things from me. She always has, ever since our parents died. “For the better,” as she always says. But secretly, I worry about her constantly.

         It seemed that as soon as I shut my eyes, morning had come. I barely had time to sleep, and before I knew it, Lynne was trudging back into the house. I sat up obediently like a trained palace dog and barked a nice welcome.

“Good morning Lynne. How was training?” I smiled and said with so much spunk I surprised even myself. She gave me a half-hearted stare which I knew meant to be a “shut your mouth before I shut it for you” look. My eyes narrowed at her, my heart wanting to eat her whole. But once again, she was my sister, and that’s what sisters did. I bowed slightly, obeying her, and left to hunt for some sort of food.

The spirit beads made a melody as they danced about each other. I stepped out into the cold and embraced it as if it were an old friend. I loved every moment of the early morning; the brisk air, the new opportunities, and the clean skies. I shut my eyes and took it all in before I moved on.

There was a fresh snow on the ground and I enjoyed indenting it with my feet. With my mouth tightly sealed, I looked about me with astonishment. Mother Nature ceased to amaze me.

I passed my sister’s training grounds and continued until I found the meadow again where I had spent all day yesterday. There I found a heard of caribou. I didn’t want to kill the creatures, but in order to survive, it had to be done. Quickly and quietly, I grabbed a sharp, icy branch and a rock. Pulling at the string holding my left shoe together, I fastened the rock to the branch so it made a spear. Ignoring the cold sting on my bare foot, I practiced throwing it once or twice as quickly as possible; looking back each time to make sure my prey was still where it needed to be. It seemed, though, that they were taking there time, grazing and picking through the snow for any sort of grass or shrub to feast upon. Finally I turned my focus back to the caribou and steadied my spear.

I drew back my arm, aimed with my one eye closed, and threw with all my strength. Before the poor creature knew what was happening, the spear dug into its side. The beast let out a scream in pain and blood escaped its mouth. Its herd went rampaging through the meadow for their own well being, leaving the dying one alone, that is, except for one. The female that had been the unlucky one of the group fell down to its knees and cried with fear and pain. Out of the whole heard, only one stayed with her. A strong male bent his neck to reach her side. He nudged at the wound and let out a whimper of sorrow. The female met his head and lowered her own. She, along as her friend, knew that her time was up. If I wasn’t so starving I would’ve actually felt some remorse.

I slowly crept towards the two sulking caribou. My foot was painfully numb now. The snow crunched under my bare left foot, giving myself away almost immediately. I looked up at the two and they both looked at me with hurt eyes. I had to avert my own eyes. I took cautious steps closer every minute, making sure not to make any reckless decisions. Soon I was within a few feet of the two. I thought things were going perfectly until the male turned towards me and reared up. I knew he was angry just by that gesture. He snorted and his breath escaped his nostrils fiercely.

I had little to no time to get out of the way. He ran at me full force. I ducked out of the way and got ready for his next attack. The beast stopped his running and turned to face me. He let out a wail and ran at me again, his huge antlers pointed at me. I stood in a ready position; my feet set firmly apart from each other within shoulders length. My arms were outstretched and I was getting ready to try and get a hold on at least one of the antlers. My muscles tensed as I got ready for the attack. As it rammed into me, all I remember was seeing the bushes beside me rustle. I thought I had seen a head full of brown shaggy hair, but my eyes have more than once had been deceiving. The blow knocked me backwards into my prey. I tripped over her and she let out a cry as I fell upon her. It was soon a mash of caribou and a body. The male swept me up with its antlers and batted me off of her. My shoulder tore as I hit the ground with a crack. I let out a moan and slowly started to black out into a world of unconsciousness. The last thing I heard was the sound of a bow vibrating and an arrow whizzing. The male let a deathly cry escape from his tightened jaw and then everything was calmingly dark.

When I woke up everything was warm. My arm was wrapped up tight across my chest and real blankets covered my body, not my torn up quilt that I was beginning to get used to. I was so surprised that I forgot to breath. All I knew was that I didn’t know where I was. I was in shock. I coughed and my body vibrated painfully. I choked more and finally sunk under my covers. There was the sound of footsteps and then, looking down at me were the two most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They were green on the outer rim and in the middle they were yellow. Around the endless black pupils there was a light blue glistened bravely.

“Good morning miss. How are you feeling?” the voice asked. I didn’t know what to say. I was captured by these eyes and my body was too sore to move. Finally, after a much delayed reaction, I answered.

“It…My body hurts,” I mumbled in pain. The mouth on this beautiful face twisted into a desirable smile. My hand itched to reach up and touch that beautiful face.

“Don’t worry too much. You’re safe now,” the voice reassured me. I nodded, anything those eyes said must be true; I was almost certain.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” I thanked. Pain pulsated through my side and I grasped it with gritted teeth. The person that stood above me gasped and touched my side and covered my hand with theirs. A tingling sensation went throughout me, and I felt my face go red.

“No, it was my pleasure. I couldn’t stand to see someone killed, especially someone with such ability and heart as you. Now, I will see to it that someone tends to your wounds better than I have. Rest and I’m almost certain that your will feel better in no time,” he assured and I smiled. My eyes closed and I was out for the longest time.

“Faren!” my sister shouted as she bounded into the room. My eyes slowly opened and her red face was swollen with tears.

“Lynne…”

“Oh, Faren! I was afraid that I was going to lose you. Prince Van told me everything! I’ll never leave you to do such chores on your own again!” she rambled on and on. All I could think was Prince Van.

That’s who the beautiful eyes had belonged to. That’s who had saved my life. That’s who told me I had heart. I watched as my sister continued to ramble on and on, though I didn’t hear what she was saying. I was too busy dreaming about the ever beautiful prince.

All of a sudden, as if my prayers had been answered, the prince entered the room.

“Lynne,” he laughed in a friendly way. My sister jumped unexpectedly and bowed low in his presence. The prince waved his hand dismissively. My sister stepped back and when I was brought back to reality, I saw that she was ghostly white and watched the prince with unsure eyes.

         “As I was saying, Lynne, no need to get her heart rate going faster than it can go at the moment. Why not let your sister rest here. She can stay here for the time being until she is ready to go back with you. Oh, and while I’m on the subject of that shamble that you call a house, I insist you move into the castle. It’s warmer and safer here,” he reasonably argued, looking over to me and then back at Lynne. She grinned uneasily and shook her head vigorously.

         “Thanks, but no thanks Prince Van. I would appreciate though if you kept my sister here with you. Keep her safe, will you?” she replied, and with that she was gone. I watched the place where she had stood only moments earlier. She was so swift it was hard to watch her leave.

         “Your sister is an admirable woman,” the prince said to me. I nodded. I knew she was. She was just like my mother had been.

         “As I can see she’s turned you into one as well,” he continued. I blushed and turned my head.

         “No, I’m just someone that gets in the way. I have no value,” I sighed depressingly. Prince Van laughed and his eyes grew soft.

         “That’s what you think. Just rest now, yeah?” he asked as he pulled the covers up and turned on his heel. Something deep inside of me wanted to call out to him. I wanted him to come back here and tell me once more that I was going to be fine. But that would’ve have been weak of me. I snuck under my covers even farther and looked down at my body from under the covers. My arm was resting over my chest as it was before, only bandaged up a bit better. My waist had been bandaged as well. I smiled at my bandages, and I could do nothing but let out a small laugh. Only I would get beaten by a caribou. What would my parents think of me now? Straying from that thought, I fell into a fitful sleep.

         “Faren, wake up,” a friendly voice ordered. Obeying, my eyes opened. Lynne looked down upon me in the moonlight that entered from the window in my room. Dark clouds drifted slowly pass the moon, blotting out the brightness.

         “We need to leave. Hurry and climb upon my back,” she continued to order. I looked at her for the longest time with blinking eyes and an unsure sigh.

         “But, why?” I asked groggily. I didn’t want to wake up. I was too tired and I couldn’t even function correctly.

         “We…we just have to leave. You aren’t safe here,” she explained, seeming unsure about herself. I didn’t know how it couldn’t be safe in such a beautiful place, especially with someone like the prince watching over me. I knew that it would be easier if I obeyed her, but my heart didn’t want to. I wanted to stay here and rest up until I felt better. But Lynne wouldn’t have had it any other way. I sat up and pulled the sheets off of my bed. Lynne took a glance at the bandages with hard, stern eyes before she looked up into my face. Her eyes softened. She bent over in front of my bed so that it would be easier for me to climb on. I lowered myself onto her back and held on tight as she stood. I wrapped my arms around her neck and she looped her arms underneath of my legs. Quietly, she unlocked the window.

         She set one booted foot upon the window seal and the door burst open. Prince Van with about ten other guards flooded into the room. Before the royals could see who was carrying me, Lynne pulled at her hood so that it covered her face and her identity was concealed.

         “Put the girl down,” Van ordered. Lynne faced Van and his forces and set me down on the window seat. Apparently Lynne wasn’t leaving without a fight, and I was about to be a spectator. The knights in armor stood obediently by the prince’s side, their armor shining in the moonlight. They were defiant, the lot of them.

She pulled out Genki and held it above her head. She swiftly moved if from above her head to the middle of her chest so that the blade was parallel to the tip of her nose. All was quiet and tense as the guards pushed the prince to the back of the group for his own protection. The guards now standing in the front and the back circled her. I backed up against the open window and gripped the edge of it in fear for my sister’s life. I eyed the fight in awe as the night breeze tousled my hair and beckoned me with its soft moaning.          

Lynne let out a battle cry and ran for the first guard. She was so fast that he didn’t even have time to parry the attack. The blade went right through him with a slurping sound that made my insides turn to mush. From her left and right, two guards ran at her. She flipped forward and as she reached the top of her kick, she caught both guards in the face. The both fell backwards with their helmets rolling on the floor beside them as my sister landed on the other side of her first victim. With her hands behind her head still on the hilt of her sword, she pulled it out of the first guard’s body, sending blood everywhere. A fresh rain of blood showered on my shivering body. I was mortified.

         Now there were seven left. Lynne turned and faced them with her legs spread far apart for balance. She took her sword and sheathed it. From the looks of it, she was going to fight the rest of the battle with her hands and her hand-held weapons. I was afraid she was becoming a little too cocky. She reached into her back sack and pulled out a knife. She jumped up into the air and disappeared. There was a painful cry as two of the guards fell back, blood spurting from their necks. I covered my mouth with my hands as blood flew all over me from several directions. After only a few moments, there was only one guard left. He stood in the middle of the room, petrified. My sister still wasn’t visible; she was moving so fast. It would only be a matter of time…Her knife struck the last guard’s gut and blood once again went everywhere. The guard fell back with my sister on top of him. She kept stabbing him with the knife. I wanted to call out and tell her to stop, but nothing would come out of my mouth.

There was a sudden flash of silver. My eyes followed a large samurai sword as it went straight for my sister. I looked around for something to warn my sister. Tears were pouring down my face as I watched my sister be slaughtered from the side. The samurai sword plunged into her heart, through her body, and into the guard’s. It seemed that in that battle, no one was spared.

My whole body shook. My eyes were numb from all of the crying. Staring right into my hurt and scared eyes from across the room was the one with the beautiful eyes. Only now his eyes were hurtful and filled with joy and rage all at once. He grinned with pride before he realized I was in the room. His hands on the hilt of the samurai sword loosened as he recognized my fear. He went to stand and I scrambled up; leaning on the side of the opened window. The fresh air grazed my back, even stronger than before.

“You’re okay, I promise,” he smiled. He bent down to unmask my sister. As he pulled the hood off of her head, his smile turned away into a scowl, though it was only an attempt not smile. I felt like my heart had been stabbed. A river of blood was flowing out of Lynne’s mouth. I could hear my heart in my throat pounding away. I stepped back, forgetting that the window was open. My clothed foot slipped on the edge and I fell back. I felt my head smack off of the sill. My vision went black as I fell.



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