A poem about difficult memories. |
I remember what it is to lie bruised and broken on the floor. I remember what it is to let the tears fall like rain. To let the chaos of the shower drown the heaves of screaming pain. I remember what it is to lie shivering in the night, afraid and not knowing why. I remember what it is to hide the bruises on my skin. I remember how it looks, and how it feels to sin. I remember the blood, the tears, but most of all the shame. I remember how it felt to be forever stained. A blackness that invades the soul, a night that seeps within your home. I remember seeing myself in the mirror. A sight I cringed away from, a face I didn’t know. A paleness, rimmed in shadow, that cut to the bone. I remember raising my hand to the glass, just a touch, to see if what I saw was real. I remember and I can’t seem to get over how bad it feels. I know what it is to sink inside yourself. The darkness that pervades your mind until there’s nothing else. I know what it is to navigate the twisted road, to be left without a map and told to go alone. I know what it is to feel beaten down, to wash away bruises and hide from a frown. I know what it is to shrink in fear, to cower from anger, and wipe away tears. I know what it is, to be a mismatched puzzle where none of the pieces fit. I remember how it was when I walked away. The click of the phone, the nausea that wouldn’t go away. I remember how it was when you saw my face. I remember how it felt that day. It’s the memories that never seem to fade. They won’t be boxed or stacked; they won’t be shoved to the back. They sit and fester within my head. Every night they haunt my bed. Most of all, I remember what it was to crawl toward the door. To know I wouldn’t make it, before being slammed to the floor. I know what it is to shrink inside yourself. I know what is to put your heart upon a shelf. I know what it is to see life pass you by to see everything you’ve done flash before your eyes. I know what it is to be dissatisfied. I know what it is, and I push it all away. I want to be innocent again and enjoy life for life’s sake. |