Why?

is life just some substance in the brain? Is it only because i am unlucky i sit here whit depression up my ears, a wall of negative, destructive thoughts and constantly trying to control my mind so i don't go berserk and tier up my life even more.
Why do i feel terrible?
Is it because i live in a to easy world? Is it to easy to live so i have to much time thinking about everything?
or is it because i dont find anyone to shere thoughts whit? Somebody that i can connect whit, that dont come whit excuses every time i ask if we shall do something, someone that can call me sometime and ask if we shall go and eat. No thats not the problem, i have some friends. But it is still hollow.

I know that no one will read what a sad person is writing cues he is not alone, the hole world feels like this the that is the most scariest thing about it