Mental Illness

The thick fog of depression and anxiety smothers me as I stumble through mundane days. To the office, be a peon, go home, to the office be a peon, go home. And so it goes for months on end. Weekends becoming 48 hours of slumber in an attempt to recharge. Restless but I cannot sleep. Sleeping but not resting. How did I get stuck in this endless cycle of misery? Seeking assistance for mental illness is a daunting task for which you need endless resources. Speaking out creates a cloud of stigma that follows you everywhere you go.

Where do you begin to explain to others that have never experienced this pain; how you feel or where you stand? I feel the frustration of my loved ones as I spiral out of control. Why are you depressed, they ask. Perhaps if I knew I could pull myself out of this darkness. How does one identify when the sadness became endless and when the anxiety became crippling? I certainly don't have those answers. I suspect if I had such answers I wouldn`t sit here pondering the question.

I`m grasping at normacly, reaching out for my health. I refuse to carry this cloud around for eternity. I push myself out of my comfort zone and find myself extrodinarily irritable and angry. The declaration has been made. I will clear these obstacles and walk away from the hindarence that is mental illness.