a poem as a continuation of the book in poems, "Out of the Dust" by Karen Hesse |
Alone I am an orphan. This morning, I got a phone call from Louise. Lately, every time I’ve seen her number show up I’ve been filled with dread waiting for her to break the bad news. This time, after being so anxious for so long, I answered and all I could hear was sobbing. That’s when I knew. And everything in me went numb. He had been sick for a while now, from those deadly spots. The very same that had taken the life of his father before him, too. He looked so frail and helpless, laying in that cold hospital bed, that I could barely bare to visit him. In the end, I guess it was a death sentence spending all those long days in the sun. It’s a grim thought, thinking back on how it had scared me sick- the concept of being alone, of my father dying too, right after Ma passed. And now, that is exactly what has happened. I know there’s so much that I need to deal with; Daddy’s funeral, A will, if he ever thought to make one, and probably, even more that I haven’t even thought of yet. But honestly, I have no interest in any money that he had, or his land. And I want no part in the feuding that’s bound to rip my family apart. Besides Mary, my thirteen year old half sister, I’m my father’s only child. I’ll deal with anything that I have to later. But right now, all I want to do is curl up and sleep. Sleep away my hurt. And sleep away my guilt, of leaving my father all alone. I knew he was sick. I knew there was no chance that he would make it through alive. But I packed my bags, and I set off to chase some dream of becoming a concert pianist, just like my Ma might have been. Now, I can’t believe how selfish I was. All that I could think about was the piano, and what an adventure it would be to drag my family with me. And now, I’m facing the fact that he’s gone. And I never got to tell him that I love him. I’ll never get to say goodbye. |