My Only One

Chapter 1.Amy
I sat on the floor staring at the boy I loved. There was a puddle of blood around him, a razor clutched in one hand, a beer in the other. His writs were covered in blood, barely showing the cuts. I couldn’t cry, couldn’t move. Nothing mattered anymore. Alex was dead. My perfect Alex…Gone.

I woke to a soft buzz coming from my phone.
New Text Message from Alex
“Hey babe just got back from Maryland. The funeral was horrible. Miss you! See ya 2maro ;)”

I hurriedly replied to Alex “Miss you too! I’ll be over in the morning at 9. I got something for you”

It had only been a dream. Alex was fine; at least, I hoped he was fine. After his dad died of lung cancer (probably from smoking two packs of cigarettes a day), Alex hadn’t been acting the same. He was no longer the perfect, sweet boy I had fallen in love with. The real him was buried under the grief, regret, and shame from his father’s death. I needed the real Alex back, that boy was my world. He was everything to me. His friends Jack, Rian, and Zack had tried helping him, but nothing worked. He was slowly giving up. Thinking of Alex, I drifted into sleep.

I woke up in the morning, the clock by my bed reading 6:30. I’ve always gotten up early, even on Saturdays like today. I hate sleeping and missing half the day. I climbed out of bed, grabbed me skinny jeans and a Blink-182 shirt, took a quick shower, and fixed my hair. When I went back into my room I realized I wasn’t alone. Alex was lying in my bed waiting for me. As soon as he saw me, he jumped up and pulled me close into a huge, loving, hug. We just stood there, him holding me for a few minutes, when he muttered softly “I’ve missed you so much. The funeral sucked. I’m so glad to be home.”
I looked up into his warm, caring eyes and whispered back “I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry about your dad. Are you going to be OK?”

“I will now” he said, “now that I’m back with you.”

I took his hand and lead him into the living room. “The guys have been worried about you. So have I. I’m scared of losing you.”

He stopped suddenly and looked into my eyes, “You will never lose me. I love you too much to ever let you go.”

He pulled me against him, kissing me softly. “I love you too.”

We spent the rest of the day lying on couch, him holding me against him, talking quietly. I was still worried about him. I didn’t want my dream to become reality. I never wanted anything to happen to my perfect Alex.

At about nine that night I looked at Alex. “It’s getting late.” I said, “But I don’t want you to leave. Not tonight. Not next Monday. Not ever. Let’s just stay like this. Please?”

He smiles gently, “I wish we could stay like this, but I have the band to look after, and you have school. Soon I have to go on tour around the US. But for tonight, I’ll stay here.”

He lifted me and carried me to my bed. He gently set me down and took the empty spot next to me.
“You know” he said quietly, “I’ve been thinking-“

“That’s never good” I muttered

“I know, it’s not good to think. It makes my head hurt” He laughed, “this time it is good… I think… Anyway, I’ve been thinking that I want you to move in with me. Rian moved out to live with Kara, and the house is so empty. You can have your own room, if you want. I understand if you don’t want to live with me-“

I cut him off suddenly with a kiss.
“Of course I want to live with you! We can share a room and turn the other room into our music and writing room, so you have a room to practice singing, writing, and playing guitar, and I can work on my book!”

He smiled his perfect smile at me “I’m so glad. We should start preparing tomorrow. ”

With that I curled up against him and fell asleep.


I walk down the hallway of Alex’s house. He didn’t show up to dinner and I’m worried about him. I open the door and see him. He’s laying on the floor, a sad look on his face and his eyes closed. There’s blood everywhere. Pill bottles lay open and empty on his dresser, and razor by his hand. I run to him, but it’s already to late. He’s gone.
I woke up to Alex’s voice, shouting my name.

“Whats wrong, Alex?” I asked him questioningly

He swallowed “Um, you where kicking and, um, yelling about how much…. How much I hurt you and how you wanted to die.”
“Uhhh, oh… I’m so sorry.” I said, felling the blood drain my face. I didn’t want him to know about my nightmares.

“Babe” He said, looking at me , “Was it the same nightmare as before? Where I.. Uhhh… died?”

I stared at him “Yea, you killed yourself. It scares me. Please… Never do that.”

His eyes softened “I promise, I could never leave you. I love you too much to ever do that to you. Besides, Jack would never be able to live without me!” He laughed lightly at his own joke.

“I know, Alex, I know. I love you.”

We pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head. “Remember, I love you more than anything.”

He gently kissed me and wrapped his arms around me protectively. I lay in his arms, not thinking about anything but him.



Chapter 2. Alex

I remember hearing the news of my father’s death. It killed me inside. I loved my dad. I couldn’t imagine life without him. At least I have Amy, and I love Amy more than anything. Life without Amy wouldn’t be any life I want to live. Jack said she told him she was having nightmares. About me killing myself. She begged Jack to tell him to never do that to her. I love her so much. I never want to hurt her. The morning I left California, where Amy and I live, I promised I wouldn’t kill myself.

When I got to Baltimore, Maryland for the funeral I went insane. It really started to sink in that I would never see my dad again. I locked myself in my room for five days after the funeral. On day five, I went into my bathroom and found a razor. I looked at myself in the mirror, not recognizing what I saw. My normally warm, chocolate colored eyes were bloodshot, I desperately needed to shave, and my hair, my beautiful hair, was tangled and horrible. I took a shower, the first in a week. I brushed out my beautiful, brown hair. I put some eye drops in my eyes in attempt to get them back to their original color.

Then I picked up the razor and starred at the blade. I promised I would never cut again, but the temptation… I couldn’t resist. I raked the razor across my wrist, watching the blood trail down my hand, making a small pool of blood in my palm. I loved the feeling. It made me feel like I had control of something in my life. I smiled at the blood. After a few minutes, I washed my hands and put on all my bracelets, to hide the scars.

I opened my bathroom door and walked into my bedroom. I looked to my phone, laying on my nightstand. I picked it up to check my messages. Eighteen missed calls, six voice mail, and forty two new messages. Four calls, twenty three messages, and four voice mall were from Amy. The voice mails and messages all said stuff like “I love you, miss you, and can’t wait to see you!” Jacks eleven messages and the voice mail just said I miss you, bro. See ya when you get back. Rian and Zack’s messages said basically the same as Jack’s.

I knew they were all worried, but I didn’t care. They could wait, I would be home late tonight. I went downstairs, hugged everyone and told them I would miss them, and left for the airport. I got back to California and texted Amy, suddenly realizing how much I missed her. I finally got home and fell into my bed, unable to sleep for thoughts of my father.