I Hate Girls

“I hate girls”

I have been saying this for as long as I can remember.

Growing up I had a lot of masculine energy surrounding me.

I grew up as a tomboy. Farm girl. Played with dirt and the animals. Card carrying member of Boy Scouts of America. Went climbing, rappelling, camping, 4-H, FFA.

The most ‘girly’ thing I did was cheerleading, but no matter what I tried, I just didn’t fit in with the girls. I got along with guys so much better. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I really had a best girl friend.

On top of that, my mother isn’t exactly your typical mother. She is a very strong woman and I always strive to have her kind of strength.  We didn’t have your typical mother-daughter conversations. She didn’t hold my hand while I getting shots. It wasn’t that she didn’t care. Quite the opposite. Its just that her masculine energy is greater than her feminine and thus growing up I leaned more towards the masculine.

It wasn’t until recently that I started to embrace my feminine. It was always there. Always present in all I do. “Never Lost. Always Within”

I first began to realize my feminine nature at the ALIA Institute in Nova Scotia, Canada. The first blessing was the opportunity to be at the institute at all. I was one of the youngest participants there and the only one from my area. The second blessing came in the opportunity to participate in a Women in Leadership Module. This was first time that I was really able to be in a circle of women.

The wisdom, energy, experience, and love that was in that circle is something I will never forget. Listening to their stories, to their feelings, I became more in touch with what it truly meant to be a women. to be a woman in leadership. That it was okay to be emotional. That it was okay to care. That it was okay to cry. I began to embrace my feminine energy, to truly realize it and its power.

In my Cherokee culture, the women were strong. Tribal decisions could not be made with the approval of the Sacred Woman. The masculine and the feminine were equally important and revered.

In my male driven field, it is important that I continue to balance these two principles. Never forgetting the other. My masculine power gives me the drive to succeed and find my place and purpose in this world. It is my feminine love that gives me a different insight, the urging to unite, nurture, and bring up others to succeed along with me.

Yet another beautiful paradox