Alone

Introduction
They say that high school is supposed to be the greatest time of your life. That you will be creating the longest lasting friendships and have your most memorable experiences. I wish that I could say my time spent in high school went this well. My name is Chris. If you were to ask my friends at that time to describe me, they would almost certainly say that I was shy, quiet, kept to myself. I didn't really have much reason to put myself out there, when I was in high school I weighed in close to three hundred pounds. It's never easy being the fat kid in school, it's not easy being the gay kid in school either, but at least I could hide that part of my life.
I was raised to believe that appearances meant everything, how other people saw you was more important than the truth. Well I couldn't hide the fact that I was over weight, no matter how much I tried, but I became very good at hiding my feelings. I never let anybody close enough to see the real me, don't get me wrong, I did have friends, I even had a best friend, but none of them ever really knew me.
High school was such a confusing time. My hormones were raging but I had no idea what to do about it. At that time it wasn't heard of to be openly gay in high school, that would have been a death sentence. All of these mixed emotions going through my head combined with the fact that I had nobody to talk to made me very depressed. I was constantly worried that some one might find out about me, or even worse that my family might find out about me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if the truth got out.
By the time I was in the twelfth grade my depression was so strong that I started to fantasize about killing myself, I can remember thinking how much better things would be if I were dead. For almost my entire senior year a night didn't go by without me thinking about killing myself, I even tried more than a few times to strangle myself with my own belt. I tried to overdose on sleeping pills, but just ended up with one hell of a stomachache. Eventually I came up with a plan that would end all of my misery for good.
These are the events that led me to my brush with death, and introduced me to the person who opened my heart and saved my life.

Chapter 1
My senior year of high school has finally arrived, I'm actually a little bit excited, this could be the year that I come into my own, this could be the year that I show the world just what kind of a person I can be.
Oh I'm sorry, let me introduce myself, my name is Chris, I live in one of the tiniest most inconsequential towns in the country. I'm not what you would consider the most average looking person in the world, I'm about six one or two and weigh close to three hundred pounds. Normally you would think that someone who looked like this would be a rather menacing figure. Of course in high school instead of seeing a menacing figure most kids just saw an easy target, a very large, very emotional, easy target.
The school year started out just like so many others that preceded it. I met up with my best friend Jason to walk to school together, Jason was a bit of a loner just like me, a little nerdy but not too nerdy, a little shy but not too shy, and for some reason this year he was really cute. I don't know why I never saw it before, maybe it's his new glasses, or the new haircut, I don't know, but there is definitely something more attractive about him this year.
Anyway off we went to school to meet up with our small group of friends before homeroom. We would all hang out outside of the school until the last possible second, then we would be in a rush to get to class on time, because it wasn't cool to be the first person in class, and god forbid you were caught doing anything that wasn't cool.
While waiting for the late bell to ring for homeroom we would try to get the attention of the popular kids, who were usually ignoring us. At the same time we would be blatantly ignoring the nerdy kids, the same kids that not even a year ago we called friends. Hey sometimes sacrifices had to be made for the greater good.
The bell rang and everybody scattered in different directions. My first couple of classes were pretty uneventful, Math and English, boring. Next up was Newspaper; it wasn't so much a class as it was a chance to just hang out with your friends. Jason was in this class with me, we signed up for it together last year. He was already sitting at a desk when I finally made my way there (it was a long walk from my English class), so I pushed my way over to sit at the desk next to his.
"Hey", I was hoping to get some kind of a response. Jason hadn't said more than two words to me since we walked to school together this morning. Considering we didn't get a chance to talk all summer, he spent the summer with his aunt and uncle, I figured I wouldn't be able to shut him up. But all I got was a "hey" in return. He didn't even look me in the eye.
Well so much for having a best friend. We just sat there and listened to the teacher give her little opening day speech then went our separate ways to our next classes.
That was really strange, Jason and I used to talk about everything, maybe he was just having a bad day, yeah I bet that's it. He probably had a fight with his dad this morning or something, I'll see if he wants to talk about it later in shop.
<O:P>
But for now I have to get to pool class. In my years at high school I have made it my mission to be the first person to make it to pool class, I didn't care how cool it was. I had to be the first one in the locker room so I could get changed before anybody else got there. I became somewhat of a quick-change artist.
Nobody except for my family doctor has seen me without my shirt on for at least the past five years. As you can probably tell I'm not very happy with how my body looks. Of course most kids my age aren't happy with how they look.
As soon as I'm done getting changed the other boys start piling in. I'm happy now I've avoided any accidental viewings and now I get to sit back and watch as all the other boys get changed, that's the only fun part about pool class. My new found happiness didn't last very long though.
As soon as he walked in the door I felt a pit begin to form in the bottom of my stomach. It was Clark, the true form of evil, he has been terrorizing me since the eighth grade. Jason is one of those overly hyper active kids who just can't sit down for more than two minutes. He always seemed to enjoy filling his time making other people laugh, usually at my expense of course.
Unlike Jason, Clark didn't hesitate to walk right up to me and start talking. "Hey Chris you're looking good this year," wow, was he actually trying to be nice this year? Did he finally grow up over the summer? Of course not, Jason quickly followed up his would be compliment with, "What'd ya do get a new bra?" Ouch that hurt, and didn't the little bastard have to say it loud enough for everyone in the locker room to hear. So naturally the impending roar of laughter was inevitable.
While I was trying to hold back the tears and stop my lip from quivering, and yes I did say tears, I know how big I am and that I shouldn't let the thoughts of some little punk affect me but his words hit me hard. So I grabbed my stuff and quickly rushed out of the locker room.
Lucky for me Clark was more interested in checking out the girls in their bathing suits than paying any attention to me, so the rest of the class went fairly smooth.
Next up was lunch, the short break in the middle of our hectic day. My small group of friends always sat together at a table close to the back of the lunch room. They would all talk about their classes, what teacher they had, who was in their class, if any cute girls had talked to them yet today. I just sat there listening as usual, and ate a little bit of my lunch.
I never ate my whole lunch, I didn't want anybody to think that I was greedy. I didn't even eat much at home for dinner. I did all of my gorging by myself in my room, making sure to hide any evidence that I was eating there. One of my favorite things to get was one of those two-foot long subs that were supposed to feed an entire family, yeah I'd like to see the family this thing would feed. I'd usually get some donuts or cookies and some pop to go along with my sub.
I would hide the food in my book bag and sneak it in the house. Then I would usually have a nice little cry after I realized how much I just ate, yeah I know I cry a lot. I'm sensitive get over it.
Well anyway back to school. The next two classes were total yawn fests, history and science. The classes were only an hour long each, but it seemed like I was there forever, being hypnotized by the dull monotone droning of my teachers.
Thank god that was over, now its time for the last class of the day, shop. Jason and me always sat together in shop class, that way we'd be able to help each other out with our projects and stuff. This time I got to class before he did, so I secured our usual workstation at the back of the class.
A few minutes later Jason walked in with Mike and had the nerve to sit at the front of the class with him. OK what's going on here, since when were they friends? Mike was one of those popular jock types that me and Jason used to make fun of on a regular basis. Something definitely isn't right here.
He just gave me head nod when he came in the room, he didn't even bother to say hi. Well that's just fine, I have plenty of other friends, um yeah plenty. So why am I still sitting here alone and the class is over with?